Title: Belated reflections
Fandom: Dragon Age
Rating: T
Length: 869 words
Content notes: N/A
Author notes: Written for the ‘communication’ challenge in fan_flashworks.
Summary: Anders prompts Fenris to reflect on his past inaction in a long overdue post-coital conversation.

***
“Why did you never turn me in?”

“Hm?” Fenris paused in the process of reaching for his pants and turned to look at Anders.

The covers were balled up at the bottom of the bed and the mage lay naked across the sheets, a satisfied fluidity in his limbs. Fenris could not help but smile. He looked good when he was relaxed, which was rare to see these days.

“To the Templars. Why didn’t you turn me in?”

It was taking Fenris a moment to adjust to the rapid change in mood. He grabbed his breeches and pulled them on. He didn’t speak until he had finished lacing them.

“Hawke,” he said with a shrug. Regardless of how he felt about Anders, he would never have betrayed Hawke by turning in her lover.

But Anders was shaking his head.

“I don’t believe you,” he said. “You could have turned me in as soon as you knew I was a mage, before you really knew Hawke. Why didn’t you?”

That made Fenris pause. He thought back, years ago, to when he had first met Anders. He could have turned him in. True, Hawke had been a potential ally and reporting Anders would have almost certainly lost her assistance, but he still could have chosen to do so.

Fenris frowned. It was not fair to ask this, not now. Not when they had just finished enjoying each other’s bodies. He reached out to take his shirt from where it had been thrown across the back of Hawke’s chair and pulled it on.

“Aren’t Grey Wardens exempt from the Circle?” He asked from inside the shirt. It wasn’t an answer, and Anders knew it.

“You know as well as I do that Meredith would care little for that.”

When Fenris popped his head back out of the shirt, Anders was still looking at him.

The mage had trapped him. Lured him in with physical pleasure, only to demand he lay bare his soul as well as his body. That had not been part of their deal, but it seemed Anders demanded to be satisfied in more than one way.

“The Gallows,” Fenris said reluctantly. He spoke slowly, haltingly. “The first time we visited it, I did not see a Circle, I saw a prison.”

“And?” Anders’ expression was mild, as though he had asked a question of minor import.

Fenris glanced longingly at the door. Freedom was so close – he could just leave. But if he did, he knew that it would mean the end of their tentative rapprochement.

He ground out what Anders was forcing him to say.

“I had not seen anything that led me to believe you deserved that fate.”

He thought that would be it, confession made, but Anders was not yet done with him.

“And what about after you saw me lose control of Justice – when I nearly attacked that poor girl. Why didn’t you turn me in then?”

“You were with Hawke. I would not betray her.”

“So for your love for Hawke, you let a dangerous abomination walk free?”

Fenris’s markings rippled with light, reflecting his agitation. He tried to suppress it.

“What do you want me to say, Anders?” His voice was rising beyond his control. “That I betrayed my own beliefs? That I am weak? Is that what you want from me?”

“What is the truth?” Anders’ voice was still aggravatingly mild.

Fenris clenched his jaw. What was the truth? Had he stayed his hand solely for Hawke’s sake? He recalled the incident to which Anders was eluding. Anders had been upset, angry, about the extreme measures the Templars were looking to take in order to protect Kirkwall from mages. That aggression had been misdirected at a young mage who had been trying to escape the Gallows.

The truth was that Hawke was a compelling reason. But not the only one.

“I remember it well,” he said. He lifted his hand to rub the spot between his brows. “It was the first time I had seen you lose control of Justice.”

Anders didn’t say anything, but his expression clearly showed that he was waiting for Fenris to continue.

Fenris closed his eyes and swallowed.

“You had over-extended yourself,” he said. “Given yourself temporarily over to the spirit. But it was an aberration. One I believed you could correct. I did not think it deserved the punishment it would attract within the Circle.”

When Fenris opened his eyes again and looked at the bed, Anders was smiling.

“Thank you, Fenris,” he said.

Fenris frowned. There was nothing to thank him for. Anders seemed to have read something more into what he had said.

He sighed. “Have you finished interrogating me?”

“You are free to go.” Anders rolled over onto his back, and splayed his arms out. Then he lifted his head and looked at Fenris. “Or you could join me again?”

“Venhedis. They weren’t lying about Grey Warden stamina.”

Fenris turned and left the room, hearing Anders laugh as he closed the door.