Fandom: Torchwood

Characters: Torchwood team

Author: m_findlow

Rating: PG

Length: 2,552 words

Content notes: none

Author notes: Written for Challenge 323 - Squeak

Summary: A visitor through the rift has Jack feeling a little on edge.

'Which way?' Jack asked as his eyes adjusted to the lack of light. He'd done a lot of late night shopping in his lifetime, but being in a supermarket with only the barest emergency lighting left on at three in the morning was actually a little on the creepy side. The aisles cast long shadows and the products on the shelves picked up whatever light they could, reflecting it off their shiny foil wrappings and vacuum sealed packaging. It turned out you didn't need a house of horrors to give you that sense of foreboding, just the tea and biscuit aisle with something alien roaming about.

Tosh was at the back of their pack of four, her own face illuminated by the glow of her PDA as she tried to get a fix on any traces of residual rift radiation.

'Nothing significant,' she replied, 'but then again, we know the spike was only small.'

He bit down on the urge to rebuke her for the unhelpful report. If it had been something big, they wouldn't have to go searching for it. Tyrannosaurus Rex would make itself abundantly obvious. Not that he was hoping for a gigantic prehistoric beast, but just for once it would be nice to not have to go turning over every last rock to find whatever had come through. The amount of residual rift energy that Tosh was detecting was no more than what the average Cardiff citizen might track in on their shoes just from living in a city parked right underneath a rift in space and time.

Jack flipped his torchlight on, seeing two more join his, bouncing off the shelves and floor. 'Keep your eyes peeled then, people.' He moved slowly forward, keeping his footfalls light and listening for the sound of anything out of place.

It was eerily quiet inside without any customers. He was used to the squeal of unloved trolley wheels, the cries of children begging their mothers for lollies and then bawling their eyes out when the answer was no, the rustle of plastic packets being shoved onto shelves by jaded teenage employees, and that distinctive plinky plonky music they played in shops, interspersed with indiscernible voice overs. It was missing the old world charm of the local shop with its bell above the door, the happy clicking sound from the price gun and the rattle of a till with real coins in it.

They'd been wandering the aisles for about fifteen minutes when the tiniest sound finally met his ears. It was a squeak, like the kind that might issue from a dog toy chewed on too hard. Jack's body froze at the sound and the rest of his team picked up on the signal, tensing in readiness for something awful and dangerous to come scuttling out from the shadows.

The sound came again and Jack tightened his grip on the webley held under his torch as he slowly panned it in the direction of the sound. He'd heard that sound before, and whilst it could have been any one of a number of things, he had his money firmly on one in particular. Another squeak and the rustle of a packet drew his torchlight just inches from its location, not wanting to startle it. At first he couldn't see it for the neatly stacked row of biscuits, but then a long pink tail swished into view, attached to a bulbous furry body.

'Nobody move,' Jack ordered in a low voice.

'What is it, Jack?' Gwen whispered, keeping her own torch trained just to the left of his, widening the bank of light.

'Something I really want to shoot,' he replied. His thumb pulled back in the safety and it made an audible click, which was enough to distract the creature and turn to face him, abandoning its supper.

Jack's skin crawled as his suspicions were confirmed. This was no garden variety rat. The eight stumpy, virtually invisible legs confirmed it for him. Spider Mice. He hated spider mice.

At this range he could scarcely miss, but if the creature moved at the last split second, his bullet could end up ricocheting and hitting someone else. Damn. He was going to have to catch it. 'Tosh? Shopping basket. Quick as you can.' She left on almost silent feet, skipping down the aisle at speed towards the front of the supermarket.

'What the hell kind of rat is that?' Owen asked. 'Looks like it's eaten a tennis ball.'

'The kind I hoped never to see on this planet,' Jack replied. 'Part mouse, part arachnid, and all horrible. If your ship gets infested with even just a few dozen of these things, they can eat everything in stores in just a few days. You see one, you find the nearest airlock and you seal it inside and eject it out into space.'

'That sounds cruel,' Gwen said, resting on her haunches as the mouse peered curiously at her whilst still chewing on a mouthful of digestive.

'Got it,' Tosh whispered, having returned with a bright blue plastic shopping basket.

Jack set his torch down on the ground and holstered his gun. He took the shopping basket and poised closer to the creature. It wasn't afraid of him, which was more than he could say about it. Give him a weevil any day of the week.

'Come here, you horrible little creature, you,' Jack murmured, trying to position the basket upside down. With his spare hand he slowly reached out towards the torn packet of biscuits. The spider mouse was still very close and he felt his hand shaking a little as it got really close, trying to extract a biscuit from the pack. As soon as he got hold of one he whipped his hand back away. He crushed it in his hand and sprinkled a trail of crumbs from the shelf to just in front of him. The mouse took the bait, unable to resist the offering of fold and Jack quickly slammed the basket down on it trapping it inside. He let out a shuddering breath. 'Got it. That's a relief.'

Gwen peered through the holes of the basket, trying to get a closer look. It squeaked indignantly now that its meal was gone and it found itself trapped. 'How dangerous are they?'

'Dangerous?'

'You're not usually so shaken up over so small a thing. I assume that means we got lucky.'

'Well,' Jack began, unsure how to explain it. 'They're not dangerous as such. They're just…'

'Razor sharp claws?'

'No.'

'Venomous fangs?' Tosh offered.

'No.'

'Do they harbour fleas and ticks carrying bubonic plague?' Owen asked.

'No. They're just…' He shuddered again as if the thought alone was chilling. 'Don't they just give you the heebie jeebies?'

They all looked at him like he'd lost his mind.

Owen frowned. 'You're going to tell me you're afraid of a slightly cute rodent?'

'Rodent,' Jack emphasised. 'As in pestilence. As in, you can't go anywhere in the universe without running into these things.'

'Kinda makes me think you should be used to them by now.'

'Hey, I don't mock any of you when something creepy crawly crosses your path.'

'That'd be because none of us get freaked out by insignificant little bugs.'

Jack threw a vexed look in their direction. 'I've seen things that are so terrifying you wouldn't even be able to face them. I'm allowed to have one exception for anything furry with eight legs.'

'Sounds like a normal Saturday night for you,' Owen mocked. 'Two legs is just boring by your standards.'

Jack scowled. 'Owen, this is my "not in the mood" face.' He set his torch down on top of the basket, weighing it down in place. 'Fetch a containment unit from the SUV, get it inside and get it back to the hub.'

'Then what?'

'Dissect it for all I care.'



The team's enthusiasm to welcome a relatively harmless creature into their hub only served to dampen Jack's mood. Nobody else thought it was creepy or scary. They were in fact delighted to for once have a creature that was reasonably cute and friendly. Once it was fed and Owen had cleared it off carrying any diseases, which Jack begrudgingly had to admit that they were renowned for being one of the few species in the universe that were not carriers of diseases. They seemed to be immune to many cross - species diseases, and were fastidious about their grooming such that they didn't carry other smaller insects that transmitted diseases either. Owen had found several articles in their database and was happily telling anyone who would listen all about their unique physiology.

'It says here that they produce egg based offspring like most insects, but that they gestate them internally in a sac like a mammal. Up to a dozen at a time. And, that their legs are longer at birth until the bones harden into their adult size and their bodies grow out further post adolescence, which then makes them appear really short like here. This little guy is a fully grown adult based on his bone structure.'

Most of them weren't all that interested in bone structure and reproduction. They were just enjoying finding out what kind of foods it liked best and whether it could do tricks as it scampered around across their desks, curious about everything and happy to take whatever attention they were willing to give it. Owen suggested that they were highly intelligent for a creature with such a small brain, which was confirmed by the fascinated reactions it gave to the things popping up on Gwen's computer screen. Tosh had christened it a Colin, stating that it had enough legs and moved fast enough to beat Colin Jackson, and no one had argued. It had simply been adopted and that was that. And Colin, for his part, seemed happy to be welcomed to the fold.



Jack was grateful for the coffee that Ianto brought him on a tray with extra biscuits. He was less enthused about the spider mouse that went scuttling off the tray and across his desk the moment Ianto set it down.

'Get away from my biscuits,' Jack demanded, even though Colin was nowhere near them and seemed more interested in the splay of photographs accompanying a file Jack was currently reviewing. Truth be told, Jack just didn't want the thing anywhere near him. If throwing the biscuits across the room would make it go away, he'd toss them in a heartbeat.

'Since when is it considered hygienic to serve coffee with rodents crawling all over it?'

'Well, he was on my shoulder until about two seconds ago. I guess he just wanted to visit you.'

'I can't say the feeling is mutual.'

Ianto scooped him up into his palm before Colin could rifle any deeper into Jack's files. 'It seems friendly enough.'

'Oh yeah, go the cute and furry card, why don't you?' Jack sulked.

'I'd say your phobia of these creatures is irrational, but then most phobias are. Did you feel like sharing?'

He didn't really, but then again, maybe if someone understood, he wouldn't be mocked so harshly. 'We never had them growing up on Boeshane. There were plenty of birds and fish and insects and everything, but it was too hot and too dry for most mammals. First time I came across one of these was when I boarded the academy ship. Someone thought it would be a good prank to stick one in my bed. That's what you get when you put a bunch of bored teenagers together. They told me if I got bitten, they carried all kinds of diseases, but mostly one that made your fingers and toes swell up and fall off. Needless to say when I woke up and felt something furry crawling all over me under the blanket I freaked out.'

'And you've been freaked out ever since.' Jack could tell Ianto was holding back from patting him on the head and saying “poor baby”.

Jack nodded. 'They might not carry disease, but they are capable of a lot of damage to vital food supplies. They're the intergalactic equivalent of finding a spider in your bathtub. Happens all the time and always unpleasant. You wouldn't think twice about whacking one with your shoe and sending up to the big bathtub in the sky.'

Ianto smirked. 'I carry them out onto the balcony and let them go. Plus, I don't think one little space rodent is going to eat us out of house and home. Especially if we feed it so that it doesn't have to go looking for other sources of food.'

Jack folded his arms in a petulant way. 'That's what everyone thinks until these things start multiplying like nobody's business and then it doesn't matter how much whack a mole you play you'll never be rid of them.'

'It's just one, Jack. And from what Owen tells me, it's a boy. So no fear that in a few months time we're saying hello to a whole litter of them. A litter of spider mice?' he asked. 'Is that the correct term? I believe regular mice are described as a horde or a mischief. Spiders are a clutter or cluster. A mischievous clutter? A horde cluster?'

Jack narrowed his eyes. 'I would have said a plague.'

'Yes, I suspect you would. My favourite is a conspiracy of lemurs.'

'You know what mine are? A murder of Torchwood leaders a nuisance of field agents.'

Ianto attempted to look chastised but was failing miserably. At least he hadn't gone so far as to describe Jack as more like a flamboyance of flamingos. That was a punchline Jack could see coming a mile away. 'There's only one of you, too,' Ianto corrected, 'but the nuisance is leaving.'

'Take that thing with you. I don't want it within ten miles of my office.' Colin squeaked at him as if he knew he were being insulted and summarily dismissed. Whatever, Jack thought.

'Hmm… That will be tricky. Even if I adopt it and take it home with me, Radyr is still less than ten miles from here. I suppose I could rent somewhere further away. Caerphilly, maybe? Of course the extra commute would reduce my free time available for other things…'

Jack groaned. His people were just plain cruel sometimes. 'We've adopted?'

'Well, I considered whether my niece would like a pet, but I figure explaining to her mother why her mouse has eight legs might raise a few difficult questions. Guess you're just going to have to get over your irrational fears. We've almost got you sorted on the dreaded paperwork, so I'm sure we can work on it.'

'Didn't you say you were leaving?' Having to argue about something cute and furry with someone who was cute but not furry was not going to end well.

Ianto stole a biscuit from the plate and let Colin nibble at it. 'We're going. I'll try to keep an eye on him but if for some reason I hear a blood curdling scream from your office, I won't dash in a hurry.'

Jack pointed at the door. 'Out!' His reputation as a heroic leader was being ruined by a living squeak toy.