Title: The Great Mysterioso and his Glamorous Assistant
Fandom: Sherlock Holmes (ACD)
Rating: G
Length: 972 words
Summary: The Great Mysterioso has been arrested and will be unable to assist Holmes with his plan.  The detective, however, has an idea. 

"So, Holmes, what do you intend to do?  If Lestrade has arrested Jimmy ‘The Great Mysterioso’ Foxwell you can scarcely use him to distract the crowds while you hunt for your man.”

“True, Watson, it is an unfortunate turn of affairs.  I had hoped Lestrade would delay the arrest until after the Whit holiday; I know he’d had his suspicions, but it is rather disappointing.”

“Well, there was little he could do.  Foxwell was found with five stolen wallets in his possession when he was searched.”

“And none of the owners any the wiser until Foxwell tried to pickpocket an off-duty police sergeant.  Still, all is not yet lost.  I was able to secure both the pitch and Foxwell’s box of tricks, so The Great Mysterioso may yet make an appearance.”

“How, Holmes?”  Watson asked.  “Surely you don’t intent to take over the role yourself?”  There was a pause and then he added, “Oh no, don’t look at me like that.”

“Never fear,” Holmes replied.  “You will have a glamorous assistant by your side.”

“Ethel?  That seems hardly fair on the poor girl, she’s been here less than a month.”  As Holmes remained silent, Watson continued, “Not Mrs Hudson?”  Still no response.  Watson groaned.  “It’s the Ferret.  Of course, it is.  The Baker Street answer to Barnum and Bailey, but with rather less elephants, or anything else for that matter.”

“Watson, you are too hard on yourself.  With a little practice, you will make a worthy magician.”

“I have precisely twenty-four hours to practise, how much do you expect me to learn in that time?”

“Three tricks, that’s all you need.  If the worst comes to the worst, you can always repeat them.”

***

Twenty-four hours later, Watson found himself standing on The Great Mysterioso’s pitch.  He tried to comfort himself with the thought that Foxwell wasn’t a particularly good magician, so his audience wouldn’t have great expectations of the act, but he knew he was worse than that.  He sighed and prepared to begin.

“’Ere, ‘e doesn’t look the same as when we saw ‘im last week,” a woman said.  “’Is moustache is different.”

“Shouldn’t worry,” her companion replied.  “Probably one of ‘is tricks went wrong and did some’it to it.”

Sadly, as far as Watson was concerned, they continued to watch.

“For my first trick,” Watson began, in a vaguely eastern European accent.

“’Is voice is different too.”

“P’raps ‘e blew ‘imself up, affected ‘is vocal chords.”

“I shall ask my assistant to select a card and I will identify it.”

Watson gave the Ferret a pack of cards and turned away whilst the Ferret chose the eight of diamonds, which they’d already agreed upon, and replaced it in the pack.  Watson then took the pack, studied the cards carefully, and finally held up the eight of diamonds.  There was a ripple of applause, and a few coins were thrown into the cap Watson had placed on the ground.

“Don’t look like a monkey,” the woman said.

“Maybe they begin with something else and move on to a monkey.”

“Yeah, makes sense.  After all, monkeys are clever, so you’d be better off beginning with something simpler.”

Watson ignored the chittering at the comment which came from the bag at his feet.  The Ferret was hiding there, ready for his next trick.

Then Watson held a top hat, waved his hand over it and said “Abracadabra!”  Nothing happened.  He peered inside, shook the hat, and tried again.  Still nothing happened.  He put the hat on his head and suddenly the hat turned round by itself.  The crowd laughed.  Watson took the hat off his head and showed it to the audience, to prove it was totally empty, but when he put it back on his head it spun round more quickly.  He repeated his actions, the hat spun very quickly and then there was a slight thud.  Hastily, Watson removed the hat and bowed.  Several more people threw coins into the cap.

Fortunately, the Ferret had quickly recovered from feeling dizzy, and his fall had been broken by the sack, so Watson was able to proceed to his third, and final, trick.  He put a box on the table, put the Ferret in the box, tapped the box and the Ferret disappeared.  Surprisingly, the crowd clapped.  Then Watson tapped the box again, but the Ferret failed to reappear.  There was a sigh of disappointment.  Watson peered into the box, tried tapping it again, but there was still no sign of the Ferret.  In the end Watson stooped down to look under the table.

Then there was a tapping from inside the box, the little door slid open and the Ferret climbed out.  The crowd cheered, and realised Watson had disappeared.  The Ferret made a great pantomime of searching for Watson, peering over the front of the table, tapping the outside of the box, running up and down the table, but nothing happened.  The crowd were shouting various helpful suggestions.  Finally, the Ferret went back into the box and closed the little door.  Instantly, Watson reappeared.  The crowd roared their approval.

So far, so good, but Watson and the Ferret hadn’t had time to practise the next part of the act.  However, the sound of a loudly blown police whistle attracted the crowd’s attention, Watson took the opportunity to grab the cap, which was full of coins, push the various accessories they had used into the sack and pick up the box.  The Ferret hopped into his coat pocket.

Later, back at Baker Street, Inspector Bradstreet dropped by to say how delighted he was with the result of Holmes’ investigation.

“And you did very well in your role too, Dr Watson,” he added.  “But tell me, how did you manage your final trick?”

“Ah,” Watson replied with a smile, “that was magic!”