Title: Cover Story
Fandom: Torchwood
Author: badly_knitted 
Characters: Owen, Ianto, Jack, Tosh, Gwen, OCs.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1792
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: Torchwood keeps having to come up with new ways to deal with people who see things it’s probably best they don’t remember.
Content Notes: None needed.
Written For: Challenge 228: Witness.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters.



“Maybe nobody noticed,” Owen said in a rare display of totally unwarranted optimism.

“Did you hit your head or something?” Ianto threw his colleague an incredulous look. “Two men brandishing guns, in hot pursuit of something vaguely resembling an upside-down fluorescent orange furry teakettle on three-foot long legs, running right through ASDA on a Saturday evening? How could anyone fail to notice that?” He was breathing hard as he grappled with the creature, attempting to pin down all six of its flailing legs at once and hold it still while Owen sedated it. While it didn’t look all that hostile, you could never be too careful, and anyway its teeth looked quite impressive; sharp little needles lining the wide mouth tucked away below its prehensile trunk.

Owen shrugged as he selected a good spot to jab the creature with his needle. “This is Cardiff; people are used to weirdness. Y’know, now I can see it up close, it sort of does.”

“Does what?”

“Look like an upside-down kettle. The trunk’s a bit like a spout and it’s flat on top…” Owen trailed off at Ianto’s glare. “What? I’m just sayin’ I agree with you.” He injected the creature and after a few moments it went limp, sagging to the tarmac behind the supermarket like all the air had been let out of it.

Ianto almost fell flat on his face on top of it, but just managed to keep his balance. “You didn’t kill it, did you?” he asked, scrambling off the alien and getting to his feet so Owen could check.

“Nah, it’s breathing. Better get it into the SUV quickly though, don’t know how long the sedative will last and I for one don’t much fancy chasin’ after it again.” Not that he needed to tell Ianto that; Torchwood’s GSO was already on his Bluetooth, calling the rest of the team.

“Jack? We got it. We’re round the back of ASDA; could do with a pick-up. Owen’s got it sedated, but there’s no telling how long it’ll stay that way. Oh, and we’re going to need a lot of Retcon. Either that or a very convincing cover story.”

Jack’s voice came through in his ear. “There was a witness? I thought I told you to be discreet!”

“You did, you just failed to explain exactly how to be discreet when chasing a highly visible alien trough a crowded supermarket. Personally I blame those bloody automatic doors. If they hadn’t opened when it got close it might’ve just skirted the building instead of going inside. Gwen’s doing what she can to calm the situation and make sure nobody leaves, but considering the screaming when our visitor was scuttling through the fresh produce section, I have my doubts about the possibility of success. One person trying to handle over a hundred hysterical late-night shoppers… Well, the odds aren’t exactly stacked in her favour.”

“We’re on our way, be there in a couple of minutes.”

Ianto already knew that, he could hear the roar of the SUV’s engine through his earpiece and he smirked to himself; Jack’s arrival wasn’t likely to be any more discreet than their pursuit and capture of the new arrival. “Two minutes, Jack says,” he told Owen. “Probably less the way he drives.” He’d barely finished speaking before they could both hear the distinctive sound of Torchwood’s official vehicle approaching, it’s tyres squealing as it made the turn into ASDA’s car park.

“Better hope he doesn’t hit anyone,” Owen muttered. “I’ve got my hands full with this whatever it is; last thing I need is human casualties.”

“I think it’ll be okay,” Ianto replied, crossing his fingers behind his back. “Jack has fast reflexes.”

“You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?” Owen muttered sourly.

Ianto just smiled. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Not really.”

Seconds later, the SUV careered around the corner of the supermarket and screeched to a halt, narrowly missing the unconscious alien. Jack bounded out of the driver’s seat and Tosh followed more slowly. “I hacked into the store’s security systems and put it into lockdown; nobody can get in or out until we’re ready to deal with the witnesses,” she explained.

“Good thinking.” Ianto smiled at his friend. “Any idea how we’re going to do that? Retconning every shopper in the store, plus the staff, isn’t really a viable option. I don’t think we’ve even got that much Retcon in stock.”

“That’s already being handled; I spoke to Gwen, she’s telling everyone it was an experimental prototype robot designed for use in the arctic. A gang stole it intending to use it as a diversion for a robbery but they lost control of it.”

“Nice! Sounds very plausible. What about us? I know most eyes were on our friend here, but Owen and I didn’t exactly go unnoticed. People tend to find men with guns a bit alarming.”

“I thought of that; you’re security people tasked with getting the robot back. If we introduce a low dose of Retcon in gas form into the ventilation system, the witnesses should accept the story.”

“I know Owen’s been working on Retcon gas, but I didn’t know he’d got it to work yet.” Ianto turned to the medic, one eyebrow raised in a graceful arch.

Owen smirked. “Remember last Wednesday when you were convinced you’d already made and handed out the mid-morning coffee when you hadn’t?”

“I remember. That was you?”

“Trial run, one of several.”

Ianto scowled at Owen. “You bastard! You could’ve told me; I thought I was losing my mind!”

“Wouldn’t have been much of a test if I had told you. I needed to make sure the suggestion would hold, which it obviously did.”

Ianto considered that. “I suppose, just don’t be surprised if you find yourself drinking decaf for the next week.”

“Oh come on! Lighten up! It’s not like you’re the only one I tested it on.”

“You used us all as your guinea pigs?” Jack didn’t sound too pleased at that revelation.

“Wasn’t like I could go out and test it on the general public, was it? Had to make do with what was available. Anyway, what matters is, it works and I’ve got some in my kit.” Owen dug around and pulled out a bottle of small red pellets. “Just dissolve…” he paused for a minute, running calculations in his head, “five should do it I think. Yeah, drop five in a dish of water inside the ventilation system, or maybe don’t even bother with that… Tosh, can you unlock just one door?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Right…” He counted out five of the red pellets into a plastic measuring cup like the ones you got with bottles of mouthwash. “Take these into the store, gather everyone together in one place, so you can ‘apologise’ to them for any distress caused. Pass yourself off as the inventor of the stolen prototype; you’ve got all the technobabble down, they’ll buy your act. Thank them for voluntarily remaining in the store, that way they won’t remember being locked in…”

Tosh was nodding. “I get it. Then before Gwen and I leave, asking everyone to please remain where they are and continue their interrupted shopping, I just add some water to this,” she held up the pot, “and put it somewhere out of the way.”

“It’ll evaporate completely, no detectable residue. If someone finds the pot they’ll just assume it fell off a bottle and someone stuck it on a shelf so nobody would fall over it.”

“Have Gwen deal with the gas pellets while you’re talking to everyone, Tosh.” Jack turned to Owen. “How long do the pellets take to dissolve?”

“Two or three minutes, but it’ll take maybe five to ten minutes after that for the gas to spread throughout the store. We keep everyone locked in there for say another fifteen minutes after that, that should do the trick.”

“If we offer to pay for their shopping as compensation…” Ianto looked questioningly as Jack, who nodded.

“Use the discretionary fund.” That was the money Torchwood got from selling earth antiques and scrap metal that fell through the Rift. “What about CCTV within the store?”

“Already erased. I’ll make sure the store manager thinks he erased it himself on my request.”

“And if anyone took photos?”

“I’ll set up an search on social media to alert us if anyone uploads pictures,” Ianto said, “but the way people were scattering and hiding, I doubt anyone had the presence of mind to take a few snaps and with the speed our friend here was moving, all they’d have got would be a bright orange blur.”

“Good. Ianto, you go with Tosh. Owen, help me get speedy here into the boot. We’ll head back to the Hub and get it settled then come back for the others.”

The cover-up operation went reasonably smoothly, the gas worked like a charm although the three people in closest proximity to its release fell asleep. Thankfully the gas made them so suggestible it was easy enough to convince they’d simply fainted from stress. Wielding the discretionary fund’s credit card, Ianto moved from checkout to checkout once the gas had dissipated, paying for everyone’s shopping and making sure anyone who looked like they could use it got a few extras thrown in. It was a small price to pay for getting to field test the Retcon gas.

Once the shoppers had all left the store, and Ianto had arranged taxis for anyone who needed them, the three team members piled into Ianto’s car, which Jack had driven to pick them up, it being less conspicuous than the SUV. Owen had stayed behind at the Hub, monitoring the new guest and making it as comfortable as possible.

“Witnesses all dealt with?” he asked as the team trooped in from the underground garage.

“Yep! I think we just proved the effectiveness of your Retcon gas. Good work, everybody.” Jack flashed an approving smile at his team. “Go home and get some rest; you can write up your reports tomorrow.”

Nobody was about to argue with that order.

Ianto set to work shutting down the Hub for the night, making a final check on the residents, old and new, relieved to see than despite its rough handling, the orange alien seemed none the worse for wear. There would always be the risk of witnesses to their work, but Torchwood would continue to come up with new ways of covering up exactly what was going on in Cardiff; it was part of the job. Humans just weren’t ready to deal with the existence of aliens from outer space. They were better off not remembering such encounters; they’d sleep a whole lot better that way.


The End