Title: Mythbusters, with Tony Stark and Bruce Banner
Fandom: Marvel
Rating: PG-13
Length: 671
Content notes: Mocking, could be construed as cruel or bullying (though it's employees mocking a boss). Tony references his own body parts.
Author notes: For a prompt at comment-fic: Tony Stark/Bruce Banner + Any, Mythbusters AUAlso for fan-flashworks.
Summary: AU where Scientists Tony and Bruce are the stars of the hit show Mythbusters. The network president is not pleased with their ideas for the new season. Bruce/Tony crackfic.



Phil Coulson, the president of the network, walked quickly into the lab and dropped a stack of papers onto the table in front of Bruce and Tony.

"These are your episode topic proposals for the upcoming season of Mythbusters, gentlemen," he said.

"You printed them out? You must have really loved them," Tony said with a smirk.

Coulson's jaw twitched. "Really. You think that I 'loved' them. Really."

"They're pretty awesome ideas," Tony said, winking at Phil. Bruce just calmly sipped his tea.

Phil pointed to the stack of papers. "You're going to test whether the Secretary of State is actually a werewolf? Are you trying to tank this show, Stark?"

"That was my idea, actually," Bruce said.

"That's not even an urban legend!" Coulson said. "You're asking to use the show just to troll Secretary Ross?"

"We could make it an urban legend," Tony said, "We just need a few hours and a hashtag."

Bruce nodded like he thought that was an excellent point.

"By the way, proving that climate change is real is also my idea," Bruce added.

"That much I figured out," Coulson said, "And while that's a legitimate scientific question, it's not the purpose of the show to participate in politics either way."

"We bust myths. The idea that scientists don't know if climate change is real is an urban legend with the same amount of truth as the claim that Elvis was an alien who built the pyramids," Bruce said.

"But... we're an entertainment show, and you know that," Coulson said.

"My ideas are entertaining," Tony piped up.

Coulson grimaced. "Yeah, Stark, I can guess which ones are yours. Myth or fact - the tenth vodka tastes the best. Myth or fact - Justin Hammer is a loser. Myth or fact - Tony Stark's penis is the ideal shape and size," he said with increasing exasperation as he flipped through the proposals.

"I'm gonna hypothesize that the last one's fact," Bruce said.

"Aw, thanks!" Tony said, giving Bruce a grin.

"Can't you just do something with Pop Rocks again? Or something that always gets good ratings -- like dropping things from heights or blowing things up?"

"We could think of ways to use my penis to blow things up?" Tony suggested.

"Too easy, that would just be adjusting the detonator so that it responds to the average amount of pressure your penis would exert, there's no way we take up an hour doing that," Bruce said.

"Good point," Tony said, "Something with Pop Rocks and my penis?"

"We are not doing a show about your penis, Tony!" Coulson yelled.

"Oh. Then, werewolf Secretary of State it is, I guess," Tony said. Bruce nodded, then poured himself another cup of tea.

Coulson gritted his teeth. "How about we test whether television stars feel more pain when I Taser them? How about that?"

Bruce and Tony seemed thoughtful. "Actually, being aware that one is being filmed might very well increase the experience of pain, given recent pain research," Bruce observed.

"Yeah, that could be interesting. Are you up for being on camera, Suit? You could Taser us, then a control group, and we could come up with some way to measure pain, maybe a combination of self-report and some kind of neural monitoring," Tony said.

Phil closed his eyes. "Obviously, I was -- I mean, there's no way legal would ever approve -- I mean, you know damn well I was making a point and you both -- why do I even bother!?!" He stormed out, grumbling about how Nick Fury just had to retire right before contract negotiations with their top rated show.

"I thought our ideas were great," Tony said, thumbing through the papers.

"But we didn't even give him our favorite. The one about experimenting to find the best way to make a network executive cry."

"You said that would bias our results if we told him, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Bruce said. "Wait, were we supposed to be filming all of this?"

"Nah, this experiment is just for the love of knowledge."