Title: Andie's Future
Fandom: Dawson's Creek
Author: Apache Firecat
Characters: Pacey/Andie
Rating: PG/K+
Summary: Always before, Andie struggled with her grades to build a good future for herself, but now she's headed for a future she'll never actually want.
Word Count: 1,737
Written For: Fan FlashWorks 415: Oops!
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.









"Oops," Andie said, dropping her pencil and starting to slowly bend to pick it up. She noticed a few guys looking, but Pacey seemed oblivious, just as he'd seen oblivious to her all week. She knew she'd hurt him and he had every right to be angry, but she couldn't seem to get over him. She certainly couldn't stop loving him.

She'd never thought she would lower herself to such a level as she currently was, but she had seen this very same ploy work for hundreds of other girls over her years in academics. She had always been more interested in her books until Pacey Witter had come along. The man had changed everything for her yet now would barely look at her! She wished she could go back and undo the last Summer, especially how she had hurt him so terribly.

The boy in the hospital had meant nothing to her. She'd been scared, and on medication, and out of her mind. She could think of a hundred other reasons too why she had made such a terrible mistake, but none of it mattered. She couldn't go back and undo what she had done, and now, no matter what else she did or how she dressed, Pacey wouldn't even look at her! She bit her bottom lip to keep from crying, as she did alone in her room every night.

Pacey wasn't coming. Some other guy was going to grab her pencil and try to grab her -- But then, suddenly, there he was. He was right beside her elbow, picking up her pencil and bringing it up to her hand in offer without her having seen him move. She knew he was fast, but the fluid speed with which he had moved was uncanny even for Pacey. Even for the man who had punched his own father for her, had silently stood up to the entire town for her mother and brother, for the man who had changed everything for her --

Andie's breath caught in her throat. Her heart pounded in her ears. There was so much she had been going to say when she could get his attention again! She had practiced this moment in front of the mirror for hours every night for the last week instead of studying as she should have been doing. Not even her grades really mattered to her anymore. Nothing mattered except for Pacey and somehow, some way, through some miracle, managing to make up with him and earn his love back again.

"Go home, McPhee." His curt words brought everything to a screeching halt for Andie. She could no longer think and no more breath than she had been able to since he'd reached the spot beside her, so close their shoulders were almost brushing. She would gladly settle for a shoulder brush at this time, for anything that meant he was a little less angry with her, a little more forgiving, a little more ready to love her again.

But this -- ?! This "Go home, McPhee" was not at all what she had expected! Of all the things she had imagined he might say to her, of all the situations for which she had prepared herself, the idea of him telling her to go home, when they were both in a classroom at school, had been nowhere near her list! She stared at him, blinking hard against the tears that instantly swam into her eyes.

"Go home, McPhee -- " he stated again, pressing her pencil into her hand and turning from her. This should have been her chance, her chance to grab his fingers, to take his hand in hers again, to squeeze his hand, to grab a hold of him and never, ever let him go again! But she couldn't move instead, frozen to the spot in terror and hurt. Did she repulse him that much?! " -- and change." His voice dropped an octave. His whisper made her tingle as he hissed where only she could hear him, "This isn't you, Andie."

It wasn't her! But wasn't that the entire point? She was trying to be someone he could love again, a better person, a person more fitting for him! She trembled. "B-But -- "

"It isn't you," he said again, louder this time. At least he did turn back to face her. Her own pain increased at the sight of the hurt in his deep, rich eyes, sweet, green orbs that had always seemed to resonate straight through into her very soul. "You're smarter than this. Classier too."

He walked away before she could stop him, but in his wake, slowly, Andie began to breathe again. She had not repulsed him. Instead, even though he was still clearly angry with her and feeling, understandably, hurt by her betrayal, he had complimented her. "P-Pacey -- " She hated the way her voice trembled, but she still turned after him, still sought after him.

"No," he said firmly and kept walking. He took a seat at the back of the class, as had always been his tendency, and pointedly, determinedly turned away from her.

Andie could feel the heat rising into her cheeks. She gripped her pencil so hard with one hand that she could feel the wood begin to splinter, her other unconsciously tugged at the very short hem of her new, plaid skirt. Others were looking at her now. Some boys leered suggestively. She'd already been asked out by a few of them and turned every one of them, not wanting to hurt someone else when she'd already hurt the only one to whom she knew her heart could ever belong. A few in their class were beginning to snicker until Pacey raised his head and shot them a look.

At one time, she would have been horrified to have been caught by like this, to have been exposed, to be standing in front of an entire classroom of other teenagers, her face as red as the bow in her hair. But she no longer cared what the other kids thought of her. She no longer cared how many of them talked about her or ridiculed her, how many teased her to her face or behind her back. She cared only that the person who meant more to her than anybody else in the whole world wanted nothing more to do with her.

But could she blame him? Could she really when she knew she had hurt him? Pacey had stayed true to her all Summer, despite, obviously, having been tempted by Joey Potter. He had stayed true. The boy who the whole town, and she herself at one time, had thought could never be faithful to one girl had stayed true to her. And she had slept with another guy in only a matter of months, a guy who had meant nothing to her beyond friendship and the means to survive a horrible place.

What a few more horrible place she had entered after the hospital! She should have known she would end up telling Pacey. She should have known she would have to, and she should have known he would learn to hate her because of her infidelity. Their teacher entered the classroom, a teacher whose name Andie had yet to even bother to learn. They didn't matter. Her grades didn't matter. All that mattered was that Pacey hated her, and there was nothing in the world she could do to make it right.

"Sit down, Miss McPhee."

Andie slunk into her seat among more laughter, smirks, leers, and snickers. She tucked her skirt underneath her and tried desperately to tug it into any longer a length. Opening and propping up her textbook so that nobody could see her face, Andie hid, with expertise, her face, her shame, and the tears that began yet again to stream down her cheeks. The teacher's voice droned on, and she absent-mindedly answered the roll call. All she could think of was Pacey, but now, instead of thinking of how she could ever earn his love back, all she could focus on was the deep and terrible pain she had witnessed in his beautiful eyes, eyes she'd once sworn to make genuinely smile.

She had hurt him. She had wanted so badly to help him, but she had hurt him more than anybody else ever had. There was no way she could ever make up to him for how deeply and foolishly she had betrayed him. There was nothing she could do to earn back his love or trust, to even deserve him again as a friend.

There was also no way she could live with knowing what she had done, all she had lost by her own foolishness, no way she could bear seeing him day after day, knowing he'd never love her again and had every right not to. Pacey was completely in the right; she was the one who had destroyed them and all the happiness she'd ever felt, the only time in her life she had ever been carefree, completely joyful, and felt safe, loved, and adored. She had destroyed everything.

Andie slunk down into her seat, raising her textbook higher, but it wasn't because of the snickers she could still hear whispering around her. She was the one person ever, the biggest fool... There was nothing she could do now to earn Pacey's trust or even friendship, to make him love her again or even look upon her once more with kindness. He had been right: This wasn't her. She had become a monster over the Summer.

The kindest thing she could do for him, the only thing she could do to ease the pain she had just witnessed, was to remove herself entirely from his life, and she couldn't do that here in Capeside. She also couldn't live with herself, seeing him every day and knowing how she had destroyed them, how she had destroyed she had ever held most dear. She wept soundlessly behind her textbook throughout the class, but slowly, she began to concentrate again on the teacher's words and the words in her book. She had to leave Capeside. She had to put Pacey behind her for both their sakes, and there was only one way she could do so. Still aching, grieving, and crying, Andie slowly began to study again and to prepare for a future that, now, she would never again want.



The End