Fandom: Torchwood

Characters: Torchwood team 

Author: m_findlow

Rating: PG 

Length: 3,088 words

Content notes: none

Author notes: Written for Challenge 320 - Wrap

Summary: Christmas day wouldn't be complete without a little alien intervention. 

 

Tosh luxuriated in bed for a full half hour before finally dragging herself away from its warm confines. There was no rush to be up and dressed early this year. There was no worrying if the train from Cardiff to London would be in time. Her family had dispensed with the huge traditional gathering for Christmas, instead simply suggesting she pop by some time over the new year period when she had time. It was strange and also nice to have nothing else to do on Christmas morning but lie in and debate whether to make herself pancakes or French toast.

She slipped into her dressing gown and slippers, padding out to the living room to open the curtains. There'd been a small chance last night that it could snow so she was keen to take a peek to see if a white Christmas would greet her.

It wasn't white, but in fact dotted with colour - red and green and gold.

She heard the buzz of her phone on the side table and immediately picked it up. ‘Owen?’

‘You seeing what I'm seeing?’

She cast her gaze across the city, able to see from her French windows Owen's glass and steel apartment tower perched on the edge of the bay. The more she looked, the more squares of colour seemed to blossom all over the place.

‘I think we'd better get to the hub.’



‘Rhys! D'you want marmite or jam on your toast?’ Gwen called out from the kitchen. He pictured her standing there, all lovely and gorgeous with her hair still sticking out. Nobody got to see Gwen like that except him, not even Torchwood. Gwen first thing in the morning was a beautiful sight, and more so because she was his and nobody else's.

‘Hang on a tick, just going to fetch the paper.’ He trundled down the hall, pulling open the door to find it blocked. ‘What the bloody hell?’ It was like paper or something, all glossy and white. He pressed a hand against it until the pressure caused a tear and it went all the way straight through, revealing their front garden. ‘Gwen?’

‘What?’

‘Some bugger has gone and papered up our front door!’

‘Don't be ridiculous,’ he heard her say as she shuffled down the hall. She came out and watched as Rhys tore a large hole in it so that he could fit through. Bad enough when kids hang the loo roll in our trees on Halloween, but now this? And what had they done to deserve it?

Gwen followed him through the strange paper portal in their door and turned around. ‘Not just the door, Rhys,’ she said, coming face to face with their lovely house, now covered from top to toe in bright red wrapping with holly leaves and bells.

‘Bloody hell…’ Rhys breathed. ‘How the hell did they manage that?’



They didn't need kids, Ianto decided. Jack was a big enough child on Christmas morning to make up for a complete lack of offspring.

‘Presents?’ That had been the first word Jack had uttered upon waking. No good morning, No Merry Christmas. Not even a hello gorgeous. On this one day of the year, Jack had a one track mind.

‘Hurry up, Ianto!’ Jack called, already heading for the front living room and the huge tree. Ianto detoured to the kitchen. He was going to need coffee first and glad that when he looked out over the yard there was no sprinkling of white. Saved from shovelling the drive.

‘You got me a new car for Christmas? Ianto! That's amazing!’

Ianto frowned at the statement, seeing Jack bolt from where his hands and face had been pressed against the windows, rushing outside.

He moved towards the door with his coffee in hand. New car? He most certainly hadn't. There was nothing wrong with the SUV they had now, and Jack had his blue sports car as well, which lived for most of the year in their garage. He didn't need another car. Yet, there in the drive was a large object covered in rich gold wrapping and tied with a red bow.

‘If it is a new car then I'd like to know what happened to the SUV because it's sitting right where I parked it last night.’

Jack bent down and attempted to remove some of the wrapping, revealing the number plate. ‘Oh. It is the SUV.’ He sounded disappointed. ‘Why did you wrap the SUV?’

‘I didn't.’ He pointed down the length of their street, spotting several other large gifts sitting in their neighbour's driveways. ‘I think someone was bored last night. Look.’

He got a tap on his shoulder as Jack was looking down the opposite length of the street. ‘Not just the cars,’ Jack said, indicating the city skyline that poked up over the suburbia. ‘I wanna know where you get a gift bow big enough to stick on top of the Exchange Building.’



‘What took you lot so long?’ Owen complained as the SUV rolled across the Plass, ignoring the bollards on Bute Street that were there to prevent exactly this sort of thing. He, Gwen and Tosh were already standing by the water tower, waiting for the last of their complement to arrive.

‘We had to unwrap the SUV before we could drive it anywhere,’ Ianto replied, hopping out of the passenger side. ‘Even with the way Jack tears wrapping off presents, it still took us a good twenty twenty minutes. It was that expensive foil wrapping that's hard to tear. Not to mention the lorry that has jack-knifed on Lloyd George Avenue now covered and ready to be put under someone's tree. Though I must applaud the effort. I usually put awkward shaped objects in a box before wrapping them and-’

Jack loudly cleared his throat, cutting off the rest. ‘Perhaps now isn't the time for admiring their gift wrapping technique. I'm guessing this wasn't something dreamt up by council to bring a little more Christmas cheer to the city. Still, it'd be nice to know how half the city ended up gift wrapped overnight.’ Where did you even get gift wrap that large? The tape dispenser that went with it must be enormous.

Gwen consulted her phone. ‘I got a few satellites to do a sweep and take images. It seems like the problem is contained to Cardiff for now, and it's completely random. Maybe one in ten buildings or houses. And a lot of cars.’

‘One in ten, you say?’ Jack cast a look around. The water tower was engulfed in red and white stripes, making it look like an upside down candy cane, the Millennium Centre and Mermaid Quay were also done up in festive paper and ribbon, and off in the distance Jack could make out the outlines of the Millennium Stadium and Central Server Building both vying for the title of largest gift. It felt like everywhere he looked was affected. ‘Now I like Christmas but this… ‘

‘What are we talking?’ Owen asked. ‘Giant aliens?’

‘Or microscopic ones, capable of multiplying to create the effect,’ Gwen suggested.

‘Maybe we've been shrunk and put inside a tiny snow globe,’ Ianto offered. Jack wasn't sure if he was putting it forth as a genuine theory or an attempt at levity.

Jack ignored all their theories for the moment. He was focused on Tosh who had been silent throughout as she worked away on her PDA. Her serious expression was telltale. ‘Tosh?’

‘I'm picking up a signal for a spacecraft in orbit over the city.’

Jack frowned, looking over her shoulder to try and get a glimpse of the data for himself. He shook his head, sure she must have calibrated her sensors wrong. ‘There's no way a ship could get that close to Earth without us knowing about it.’

‘It's heavily cloaked,’ she replied. ‘I only found it almost by accident.’

‘But still…’

Ianto raised a hand. ‘I might be responsible for that, actually. I might have turned off a few alarms and things. Just for Christmas,’ he clarified, receiving a withering glare from Jack.

‘You always find an excuse to disappear once you've had pudding. It's not a big ask to have to stay all day,’ he said, standing a little straighter to defend his actions. What chance those long range alarms would go off today?

‘I'm with Ianto,’ Owen agreed. ‘I have no qualms about hitting the snooze button on the alarm for impending world doom for one day of the year. It's bloody Christmas.’

Jack ignored the comment. ‘We'll talk about this later,’ he said, directing the comment at Ianto. ‘For now let's just focus on the who and the what. For all, we know they could be unrelated.’

Owen snorted. ‘Wouldn't that just be our luck?’

‘I'm not complaining,’ Gwen added. ‘Saved me from Christmas lunch at my mother in law’s. World possibly ending is a far better alternative.’

They took the invisible lift down into the hub after Owen had confirmed that yes, the entrance to the tourist office was blocked by a thick ribbon that ran its entire length and ended in a fancy now right at the corner.

After seeing the city streets done up in so many varieties of paper and foil, ribbons and bows, Jack's fairy light wonderland inside the hub looked positively mundane.

Jack and Tosh both went about simultaneously finding out what kind of spacecraft they were dealing with, whilst the others were relegated to the less important tasks of ascertaining the origination point for the city's newfound appearance. At least the public weren't panicking, according to several news reports, thinking it was all just an overzealous practical joke.

‘I've got it,’ Tosh announced.

‘Me too,’ Jack said a moment later, all the festive cheer draining from him as his vortex manipulator gave him the kind of news no one wanted.

‘That doesn't sound good,’ Ianto sighed, registering the deflated tone in Jack's voice.

‘What is it?’ Gwen asked. ‘Or who?’

‘It's a Sontaran flagship,’ Jack replied. ‘One of their primary military vessels.’

‘And who are the Sontarans?’ Owen asked.

‘Remember when we used to have ATMOS installed in all our cars and they suddenly went haywire one day? That was them. Trying to kill everyone on the planet so they could take it over as a new world where they could set up a cloning factory for their own race.’

Gwen's face scrunched up in concern. ‘How do you know all that? Why is this the first we're hearing about it?’

Jack grinned. ‘You think all those phone calls with Martha Jones is just us shooting the breeze? I wish she'd called me sooner and filled me in so we could have helped.’

‘You just wished you could have been there so you could show off for that Doctor of yours,’ Ianto said.

Jack shrugged as if Ianto's assessment of the situation was of no consequence. ‘Point is, Sontarans are very bad news. Very bad. If they're in orbit around this planet, they have plans for taking it over. Doubt they'll try anything as sophisticated as last time. Most likely they'll just send down their armed platoons to take the planet by force.’

‘But we've got defense systems,’ Owen argued. ‘Must be time we used some of that kit we knicked from Torchwood One.’

Jack shook his head. ‘You could throw every nuke on the planet at that thing and it wouldn't so much as scratch the paintwork.’

There was an awkward silent pause amongst them as they let the implications sink in.

‘So, what do we do?’ Gwen finally asked.

‘I'm going up there,’ Jack said.

‘We'll come with you,’ Tosh said.

‘No, you'll stay down here. Sontarans are bad news. They are a race of aliens whose only joie de vivre is killing. If they're here, we're in big trouble. They don't negotiate. Anyone who goes up there is likely to end up dead. That's why it has to be me.’ He fixed each of them with a look. ‘Only me. If you don't hear from me in the next two hours, you send a flare up to every Shadow Proclamation vessel within five thousand parsecs of here to bring in the cavalry.’

‘But Jack…’

‘No.’ He had to be firm on this. ‘This planet does not end on Christmas day.’ He pressed a few buttons on his vortex manipulator. The teleport functions on it hadn't worked for decades but he knew that if he sent out the right kind of signal, that ship wouldn't be able to resist beaming him aboard. He gave his team a salute and in a glow of white light, he disappeared from the hub.



It had been nearly two hours. Ianto was nervously making another round of coffee to settle the natives but no one was much in the mood for it, even with extra whipped cream, red and green sprinkles added on top. They were all waiting for the first hail of lasers and flames to come raining down on them and the city.

Foolishly, they'd gone and tapped their database for everything they had about the Sontarans, coming back with nothing positive, nor any good way to defeat such a force. The Sontaran weaponry documented was far above anything they themselves had, even with the restricted cache of weapons that Jack had never allowed them access to. The battle, when it commenced, would be a singularly one sided affair. They could put the hub into lockdown and that would protect them for a while, but it wouldn't save the million or so people outside its walls. Even for them, it was only a temporary siege. They'd run out of food and supplies in a few weeks and that was assuming the hub would hold that long against Sontaran explosives. A few weeks placed bombs would send the whole place crumbling around them, burying them in the process. Even the case of the mystery gift wrapped city held no interest for any of them. Christmas cheer had completely abandoned them in the wake of inevitable destruction.

He should tell Tosh to send out the emergency aid call now, he decided. He didn't like the idea of Jack being their prisoner, or being killed over and over again just for fun. If they hadn't heard from him by now, that didn't bode well. Jack was up there all alone and they were all down here, helpless to provide any assistance.

An alarm blared and everyone jumped out of their skins. It felt like the precursor to the end. Tosh clacked her keyboard. ‘We've got an incoming message.’

‘Put it over the speakers, Tosh,’ Gwen commanded, wanting to make sure they all heard it.

Jack's voice boomed and echoed around the hub as it filtered from every last corner. ‘Lower the lockdown protocols for an incoming matter stream.’

‘Are you sure?’ Tosh asked.

‘Don't fancy sticking around here much longer,’ came the reply.

‘Do it,’ Ianto said. He had no authority to command anyone but he wanted Jack out of there. If Jack had asked them, they should do it. He was willing to take the risk that Jack might be being coerced. Jack wouldn't give up anything that easy.

‘Anti-matter stream protocols have been lifted,’ Tosh reported, pressing her comms unit close to her face to make sure Jack heard.

There was another blinding blast of white light and as it faded, Jack was revealed. ‘Hi kids. Did you miss me?’

Gwen was the first to reach him. ‘God, you had us worried sick.’

He gave her a reassuring smile, teaching out to touch her elbow. Over her shoulder he gave the others a wink. ‘No need to scupper your visions of sugar plums and salty pork crackling. Christmas is back on, and, he paused checking his watch, still plenty of time to enjoy it all.’

‘What happened to the invasion?’ Owen asked. ‘Thought you said we were a goner.’

‘And well we might have been except for the fact that there are about two thousand Sontarans up there way past the point of good cheer. I could smell the hypervodka on them from thirty yards.’

‘They're drunk?’

‘Absolutely mulletted,’ Jack confirmed. ‘There's no invasion today, folks. Just a bunch of sozzled Sontarans who thought it would be hilarious to cover the city's buildings in festive wrapping to celebrate the silly season.’

Owen folded his arms across his chest, looking skeptical. ‘Won't they just sober up tomorrow and kick things off properly, then?’

Jack grinned and they could tell he'd done something cunning that he'd been itching to brag about for several minutes now. ‘I locked their ship on an autopilot heading that will take them way out into a sector of space that is completely devoid of life. By the time they've finished vomiting and sobered up, they'll be well away from anyone.’

‘I'm confused,’ Ianto said. ‘How is it that Sontarans know anything about Christmas?’

Jack smirked. ‘You'd be amazed what's out there about the culture and traditions of this tiny little planet. They think it's quaint and amusing.’

‘Quaint?’

Jack shrugged. ‘Or strange. Hard to tell when they're drunk. They were so jolly they wouldn't let me leave until I'd had at least a dozen drinks with them. You know, they're really great guys when they're not hell bent on killing. We had a few laughs, I taught them a few carols. We had a great old time. They loved Jingle Bell Rock.’

‘Are you drunk?’ Ianto asked.

Jack cocked his head playfully to one side. ‘Only a teensy bit tipsy.’ He followed up the statement by going to lean his hand on the railing and missing it completely.

Ianto rolled his eyes at the obvious lie. ‘Right, well I guess we have to take his word on everything being okay. Guess that means we can all go home and carry on with getting those turkeys in ovens and pulling Christmas crackers.’

‘Screw the turkey, just bring on the beers,’ Owen said.

‘Sounds good,’ Gwen agreed. ‘But what about everything that's covered in giant gift wrap?’

Ianto grinned at the obvious answer to that particular problem. ‘Tomorrow we put Jack in a cherry picker with a hard hat and tell him he can rip, tear and shred to his heart's content and he'll be the happiest man alive.’

Jack's eyes lit up. ‘Really? I get to unwrap all the buildings?’

‘And I rest my case.’