Title: House Rules
Fandom: The Libertines
Characters: Carl Barât, Peter Doherty
Rating: Adult (language)
Length: 340
Notes: Peter and Carl aren't talking. Sort of. Part of the 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'-inspired AU but stands alone.
Content notes: None



Additional note: This is typed correspondence between two people with flats in the same building, pre-texting. They are adding to the same typed sheet, with occasional amendments to the previous lines, and shoving it under each other's doors. Odd, yes, but based on their real behaviour when it comes to typing letters to each other. Except they do it even though texting exists.

I apologise for the spelling and punctuation in places, it hurt me to type it that way!

Normal = Peter, Bold = Carl, Italics = house rules


House Rules


In case you're wondering, I'm still not talking to you.




But youre typing




I CAN ALWAYS STOP




You think maybe we need some house rules




You obviously think we do. Can see it now:

Peter must not sneak into bed with Carlos cause he'll scream like a girl.

Peter must not sing football songs at 3am even if Carlos is awake.

Peter must do everything Carlos says.





Peter must not sneak into bed with Carlos cause he'll scream like a girl until he cuts his fuckin toenails.

Peter must not sing football songs at 3am even if Carlos is awake all.

Peter must do everything Carlos says.

There fixed it for ya





Hmm. Seems a bit one-sided. I'll think of some for you. Let's start with:

Carlos must use punctuation and learn to spell.





Its this piece of shit typewriter and you no it you nob

Carl must complement Peter lavishly every day because hes a delicate fuckin flower

Carl mustnt complain if Peter hogs more than half the bed even tho its CARLS BED and even if he wakes up with Peters dick in his face

AGAIN





Pretty sure that's just your subconscious urges kicking in. You know you want me. Everyone does.

Carlos must compliment Peter every day because he's a gorgeous, sexy and well-dressed man and incidentally Carlos could do so much worse.

Peter would be delighted to compliment Carlos in return (and regularly does anyway) because Carlos is the most wondrously beautiful human being Peter has ever seen and that's not even why Peter hates fighting with him.





I hate fighting with you too.

Everyone wants you?

That's

I don't think



Everyone knows?





Oh, love...

I've changed my mind about the punctuation, my heart and other regions are all aflutter at the sight of it. I can't even remember what we were fighting about and you have a key, so... if you wanted, maybe you could come down to my flat and we can... talk.

Give me ten minutes though. Got to cut my toenails first.