Title: Annoyed: I'm Too Old For This Shit
Fandom: Mass Effect
Rating: G (incidental Shepard/Alenko)
Length: shortish
Content notes: Liberties, I have taken them.
Summary: Between missions, Shepard spends time with some of her favorite technology.




"Shepard Commander, do you have a moment?"

Shepard paused over the galaxy map, and then keyed out of the assets menu. Staring at it wasn't going to suddenly make another ten thousand ships magically appear. As it was, she was nearly cross-eyed trying to figure out where to shift resources to do the most good. She wasn't a cut out for these diplomatic, logistic nightmares, never had been. Give her something to shoot, then she'd be happy. It wasn't so bad talking when people were actually listening to her. The past few years though, had shown her how seldom that really happened.

"Yeah, Legion, what's up?" she asked, stretching backwards until her spine cracked. She didn't miss the way the Alliance crew still flinched every time Legion moved from his station. She'd forgotten how long it had taken Cerberus to warm up to the Geth. "You want to head somewhere else?"

She didn't miss Legion's face panels dipping in the approximation of a human's furrowed brow. His attempts to mimic human posture and expressions had always left her with twin feelings of amusement and amazement. That a machine went out of its way to try to make those around him more comfortable gave her hope for the future. It wasn't every Turian or Krogan who tried the same, they typically liked to emphasize their differences.

"Your crew may appreciate the respite," Legion agreed, following her down the corridor. They waited together through the security scan and tried to ignore the two guards gossiping at each other as if their CO wasn't standing in the same room.

In the CIC, she waved off Traynor and took Legion up the elevator to her quarters. Somehow, she stepped into the landing of the loft and immediately felt better. Finally, no one was watching her out of the corner of their eyes, and she didn't have to stay tense waiting for someone to ambush her with some mission or task that only distracted them from stopping the Reapers. It was bizarre the things people needed and the places she found them.

"Shepard Commander, you have not taken adequate care of your platform," Legion said, using his omni-tool to scan her when she turned around. "Both your organic and synthetic components are showing signs of wear and misuse."

"Synthetic?" she asked, flopping down on the couch and gratefully stretching her legs out in front of her. She had felt a little run down lately, and even with that exhaustion, she found it hard to sleep. Kaidan's warm body beside hers was the only reason she pretended. "I know Cerberus put some tech in me, but I didn't realize there was enough of it to need upkeep. The doc cleared me when I picked her up from the Citadel. Wouldn't she have found something?"

Legion tapped a few holographic buttons, and a tiny Shepard model popped up. It rotated in slow motion and highlighted different sections of her body. "Since then, you have fought in at least three major battles, sustained catastrophic concussive force, ingested substandard amounts and forms of nutrition while allowing yourself to dehydrate to dangerous levels," he recited, monotone voice listing all her troubles. "Your upgrades have allowed you to bypass the deficiencies in your original systems, but they are now also in danger of failing."

"Sounds bad," Shepard said, sitting forward with her hands on her knees. "How do we fix it? I can't afford to be sidelined."

"You are not a machine, Shepard," Edi butted in, joining their conversation from her station at the helm through the Normandy's communication system. "You cannot always be 'fixed'."

"We're not about to have another debate about the self-determination of artificial life, are we?" Shepard said, drawling as she forced herself to relax. Not that it would fool the two most advanced synthetic life forms this side of the Reapers. "Because while I've already punched my quota of Quarians for today, I could make an exception for you two."

"No, Shepard," Edi's voice clearly shaded her amusement, "another example of your friendship is unnecessary. We thought, perhaps, we could do something for you."

"Me?" Shepard glanced at Legion and swore he was guiltily swinging his optics away from her.

"Yes, Shepard, "Edi said, dimming the cabin lights and activating the screen on her fish tank. "When we were on the Citadel, I took the opportunity to procure the Beta version of the Blasto 7: Blasto Goes to War immersive game. Legion has been anxiously waiting for a chance to engage it."

"No way, that's not supposed to be out for another year!" Shepard grinned as the familiar theme music started to play through the speakers. Her exhaustion took a backseat to childlike giddiness. "How did you get it?"

"I killed a man in Reno, just to watch him die. That was a joke. I will ensure that you are not disturbed in the meantime."

"Let's kill some Reapers!" Shepard shouted, gleefully syncing her omni-tool to the game controls.

Legion sat on the floor leaning against the couch and her knee. "I will handle the sniping duties, Shepard-Commander," he said.

"And I'll take care of the stabbing," she replied, finishing the motto they used for all their missions, virtual or otherwise. She reached her fist down and after a moment's hesitation Legion copied her, folding his fingers in and holding his hand out. She smiled and bumped fists before she turned her attention to the cut scene playing out on the monitor.


#


"C'mon, sweetheart. It's time all good little Commanders were in their beds."

Shepard felt herself being lifted, strong arms under her knees and shoulders with a gentle buzz of biotics just to keep her steady. "No," she muttered, even as she nuzzled her face into Kaidan's neck. "I've gotta fight off the Reapers and help Blasto with the animal hospital."

The images from the game swam in her mind mixing with her own memories until she and Blasto had saved the Citadel and started flying the galaxy together. Defeating the Reapers was suddenly easier when it was a matter of button mashing and quick-solve puzzles. There was something she had to do, but she couldn't remember, something about a special animal she needed to deliver to the orphans on Rigel III.

"You already did that, honey. All the animals found loving, forever homes," Kaidan said, efficiently stripping the buckles and buttons on her uniform. His hands didn't linger, but he was gentle, sweeping his fingers over her sore muscles. "Lift your arms up."

"Even the varren?" she asked, though a yawn interrupted her halfway and she didn't bother opening her eyes again. She lifted one arm and then the other, while Kaidan pulled the heavy gear off and replaced it with one of his own soft t-shirts. She breathed deep, secure in the mixed smell of the grease she used in her armor and Kaidan's shampoo.

"Even the varren," Kaidan chuckled and helped her slide under the blankets. His stubble scratched her forehead as he bent to kiss her before he walked back to the den area. "Thank you, Legion, she needed this."

"Through physical contact, we were able to boost and rewrite some of the synthetics that Cerberus left in Shepard-Commander. They will be able to recharge with more efficiency and will necessitate a rest time that closely simulates the human sleep schedule."

Shepard tugged the pillow more firmly under her cheek. She didn't care how Legion did it, she'd trust that he'd take care of her, and she had missed sleep more than she had realized. "Kaidan? You coming?" she asked. Rannoch could wait until tomorrow, then she'd fix the stupid mess the Quarians made, have ships for her fleet, and convince Legion to join her crew again. They needed to find time to play Blasto again, so they could make all the rebel decisions. They were the most fun, anyway.

Things were finally looking up for her.