Title: Our future Looks So Bright
Fandom: Star Trek: the Original Series
Pairing: Kirk/Spock pre-relationship
Rating: PG
Length: 1327
Content notes: Choose Not to Warn
Summary: Spock discovers his master Jim's diary after Jim's declared death. It shatters his presumption of their past. (Former Slave!Spock AU)


It was time for Spock to put Mr. Kirk's possession in order, as he was declared death after going missing in Aria. However, Spock still illogically wished for any reasons to delay the process.

Mr. Kirk liked the old sofa in the living room, despite the squeaking frame. It was there he taught Spock to read. Spock's fingers lingered on the fabric, imagining that he could sense the remaining warmth.

It is still usable, Spock thought, turning away to the cabinet on the right.

As an explorer, Mr. Kirk collected quite a number of curiosities from his expeditions. He took out a papier mache lamp from the cabinet and remembered.

"It's easy to discover artifacts, but real work begins when you catalogue them and try to find out what they are used for," Mr. Kirk said. "For example, what do you think this is made of?"

Spock was wary to touch the object in Mr. Kirk's hand. Artifacts discovered from the ruins were expensive, so he could not understand why his master trusted him to it except as a trap.

"It's all right," Mr. Kirk said, putting it in Spock's hand.

Spock touched it carefully. He was unsure what this smooth and hard material was, and in Spock's experience masters usually preferred their slaves to be ignorant, even though Mr. Kirk was teaching him writing and calculation.

"I have no idea, sir."

"Just call me … Mr. Kirk." Mr. Kirk said. "This is called papier mache. It was made of paper, water and some kind of sticky paste. We've found it in masks and book binding, but I imagined that there were more already decayed."

Mr. Kirk's face lit up as he went over his collection with Spock, teaching him how to catalogue them. He seemed comfortable to admit that he did not know everything about them. "The past is a frontier for the present. Every knowledge we discover will make a better tomorrow."

Spock's mind returned to the present as his teapot signalled that his tea was ready. Mr. Kirk was fascinated by every discovery, and coached Spock to be an expert of artifacts, allowing Spock to lead a comfortable life after gaining his freedom.

Several months before Mr. Kirk's departure for his last trip, Mr. Kirk frequently introduced him to his colleagues and complimented his knowledge everywhere he went, which Spock only realized after clients coming to him. It was as if Mr. Kirk was preparing for this day

Spock drank his tea quickly to suppress the unpleasant feeling. He developed an acquired taste as Mr. Kirk placed a regular order of tea. Curiously Mr. Kirk seemed to favour coffee when he was at home.

Spock decided to have another after finishing his cup. Then he thought about going over the documents again. Eventually he admitted that he was procrastinating.

His heart paced as he opened the door of Mr. Kirk's room. Sunlight shone through the dusty front window, and everything remained undisturbed.

On the nightstand lay the Tales of Two Cities, a favourite of Mr. Kirk's. Spock found a good copy at a surprisingly low price in a garage sale, and he could still remembered Mr. Kirk's delight. At the time he justified the purchase as a logical attempt to establish himself in the household, but now he admitted to himself that he did it for Mr. Kirk's smile. He put down the book as if it burnt him, keeping it at the same opened page.

Spock went over the bed and the closet before arriving at Mr. Kirk's desk. It is illogical to stall, Spock thought, so he forced himself to open the drawer.

The drawer was filled with receipts, scissors, clips, tapes, take-out menus and appliance manuals, among other things. Underneath the clutter Spock found a palm-sized notebook.

When he opened it, he realized that it was Mr. Kirk's diary. He knew that he should put it away, but his fingers flipped until he arrived at the entry dated the day he bought Spock.

March 15. Sunny

I bought a man. A Vulcan. I am overdue for an assistant and a housekeeper, but buying a person?

Bones said I'm being a hypocrite with misplaced guilt. Bones is always right. But at least I can treat him as well as I can.

As Spock read Mr. Kirk's diary, he was intrigued by Mr. Kirk's description of the same events. The Spock Mr. Kirk described was better than what he would acknowledge, but still an honest description.

September 16. Rain.

Spock seems to like Earl grey tea, which means that his eyes softened lightly as he drank it. I order weekly delivery even though he will deny his need. It's logical to make sure that he can enjoy it whenever he wants.

Spock raised an eyebrow as Mr. Kirk never mentioned doing this for him. However, Mr. Kirk was right - he would refuse the offer if Mr. Kirk told him. He was unsure what to think of Mr. Kirk's action.

Mr. Kirk covered more and more pages about Spock as time went on, from their regular trips to museums, Spock's training progress to idle noodling. Mr. Kirk was full of pride as Spock figured out the use of an artifact before him, while guilty and doubtful about bounding Spock to him.

Spock's heart stopped for a moment as he arrived at this entry.

April 1. Cloudy

...I talk about something to Spock, which I forget what. Spock raises an eyebrow and declares my illogic.

I look at him. Then I suddenly realize that I fall for him.

Admit it, James T. Kirk, you have fallen hard for him for long.

But it will go nowhere. Spock should never know because… I am a bastard, but I am not low enough to force myself on him.

It's all right. No one dies of a broken heart.

Spock felt stabbed in his chest. Why didn't I know about this?

Would I have let myself realized that? Spock thought. No, I would not.

The past flashed before his eyes, but with new perspective Spock saw things either he did not or were unwilling to realize. Mr. Kirk cares for and respects Spock, giving him freedom and supports him beyond a kind master's obligation, even beyond a friend. Mr. Kirk never said anything, but everything he did was filled with love.

Mr. Kirk wrote four months ago:

It's a crime to keep Spock here anymore. Spock deserves the sky and beyond, not trapped in an iron cage.

Love seeketh not Itself to please,

Nor for itself hath any care;

But for another gives its ease,

And builds a Heaven in Hells despair.

Mr. Kirk detailed his research how to set Spock free and secure in the consequent entries. Not only he was determined that the legal papers be watertight, but also Spock would be financially sound as a free man.

On the last entry Mr. Kirk wrote:

Farewell, Spock.

Did he foresee the ensuing tragedy? Spock tightened his fist so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"M. Kirk… Jim," Spock whispered.

Jim kept his words, but Spock would never be entirely free, as his heart belonged to him, even though it was too late about it, or…

Spock closed the book carefully and returned it to its original location before making several call.

"What's the use of going to Aria now, Spock? Jim's dead," Doctor McCoy said as Spock made the final check to the plane.

"I have a duty to him."

"Jim set you free. You're a free man and have no obligation to him."

"Strap on the seatbelt," Spock said. Logic informed him that, under the circumstances, the only possible action would have to be one of desperation, so it was logical to look for Jim despite the danger.

When Spock gently lifted a badly malnourished but still alive Jim in his arms, the sky was never so blue and endless.