Title: A Stranger to Myself
Fandom: Star Trek: the Original Series
Rating: G
Characters: Kirk, Spock,
Content notes: none
Summary: After Rayna's death, Spock helps Jim with his pain as before, but he realizes that his motive isn't so selfless as he thought.



"A very old and lonely man. And a young and lonely man. We put on a pretty poor show, didn't we? If only I could forget?"

Spock ached for Jim's suffering.

"I do wish he could forget her," The doctor said in his parting words.

Once the doctor left, Spock initiated a meld.

Jim's mind opened to him as readily as before when Spock soothed his pain: Miss Keeler, Jim's brother and sister-in-law, his wife and unborn son... Jim loved deeply, so every death wounded him, cutting into his soul.

It was only logical for Spock to help his brother and captain as he had the mean to do it. Jim would illogically deny his help because of his craving for pain, but there was no merit in prolonged suffering for its sake.

"Stay out of this. We're fighting over a woman."

"No, you're not, for she is not."

Strange, why this pain feels so peculiar ---

It is mine, Spock realized.

"Forget." Spock hastily retreated from Jim.

Jim looked at peace at last, but Spock knew he would have no rest ever since.

"Farewell, Jim," Spock whispered as he left Enterprise for Gol.

Jim would hurt, but he would be safe from Spock, while Spock would return to the path of logic. Sarek was right: a Vulcan corrupted by human emotion was dangerous.

Especially to the one closest to him.

Reaffirming his decision, Spock turned without looking back.