m-findlow.livejournal.com

Title: Crosses to bear
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Gwen, Jack
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,431 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 187 - Shoulder
Summary: Gwen has a lot of responsibility to shoulder

The last twelve hours had been a haze. She'd stood there helpless whilst he picked up the woman's body - Suzie, her name was, Gwen remembered - cradling it like a precious child, carrying it back to the invisible lift, setting it gently down on the large flagstone before letting it descend into the cavernous space below. Taking Gwen's hand, her eyes still blurry with tears, he lead her across the plass, down the stairs, along the quay, and back through the door she'd been through before. That first time, carrying a load of pizzas, trying to swindle her way inside.

He set her down on the sofa, promising he'd come back. Detached from reality, she visually noted him taking Suzie's body away, and returning a long while after that. The others drifted in one after the other, even though it was probably still the middle of the night. They barely acknowledged her, but she felt the same way they did - stunned at the sudden death. The only difference being that they were still functioning, going about whatever it was that needed doing. Jack didn't reappear, yet is was clear they were following some sort of instruction. There'd been no police, no ambulances, nothing to process the event of a suicide that she was used to. She was just gone, as if she no longer existed. The only memory now was the gloves watching it being carted away by the man in the suit, locked in a metal box.

At some point she must have dozed off. When she opened her eyes, she was curled up on her side, a tall shadow standing over her.

'Come on,' he said, offering his hand. She didn't hesitate, following him wordlessly, through series of tunnels, then a long set of stairs, up and up until he lifted a hatch, throwing it open, and helping her climb up into daylight.

The morning breeze tore through her hair as she stood there, looking out over the bay as the sun began to rise, pale and clear in the eastern sky. The water tower down below, glinted with the first shards of sunlight, the pavement around it growing wet as the water began to slip down its sides, the accompanying pool nearby gurgling as the fountains started up, spurting jets of waters across its surface.

She watched the man who stood just a foot or two away from here, also taking in the breathtaking vista. He was a stranger to her, and yet something made her feel like he'd always been there just waiting for her in the background of her life. Maybe he had. Maybe she hadn't found him, but rather he'd found her, just waiting for the right moment to make himself known.

She'd already said yes, putting aside her entire career in a heartbeat, not having spent even a second considering it, or discussing it with Rhys. Could she really give up her job to work for a man she didn't even know, people she didn't even know? One of them had already tried to kill her when she'd stood in her way. She could barely recollect the faces of the others, even though they'd passed her just a few hours ago - a small Asian woman, the doctor, the neat young man. Was that all of them? Were there more? Memories had returned, but it all still felt hazy, like a half remembered dream, but his face was vivid and clear, etched there indelibly. She was meant to find him, she was certain of it.

His own hair rippled in the breeze as he turned to look back at her, sensing her eyes on him.

'Who are you?' she asked, knowing he was expecting a question.

He gave her a brief smile. 'Just a guy,' he replied flippantly, returning his gaze over the water.

She studied his profile, the way he stood there, the way he held his features in place, long coat swaying, whilst the rest of him was like immovable stone. It seemed like he carried the entire weight of the world on his shoulders. Perhaps he did. If you couldn't die, what did you do with your life?

Looking at him more closely, she could make out the tiny crow's feet tucked at the edges of his eyes, the slight tension in his jaw, they way his whole body stood there against the buffeting winds, coiled tight, ready to spring into action at a moment's notice.  

The silence hung between them for a few minutes before he spoke again.

'The others don't know.'

'You haven't told them?' She frowned. 'Why?'

He turned and gave her a look that bordered on melancholic. 'You really have to ask? Like I said, it kinda freaks people out.'

'I just thought, you know, given what you do, what they do...' she trailed off.

'That they should know their boss can't die?' he finished for her. 'Because that's not weird in the grand scheme of things if you catch aliens for a living?'

'Maybe,' she replied, unsure if she was overstepping an invisible line that would send her back to her old life.

'They're just people, Gwen. Just like you. Do you think them knowing would give them any comfort? They do a dangerous job. It's my job to protect them.'

She had to admit, the notion still hadn't quite sunk in for her, either. Torchwood, aliens, a man who couldn't die. Did it change how she saw him? He was still a stranger in truth. A stranger who had drugged her the first time they met. A stranger with nothing to lose. Shouldn't that scare her, just a little bit?

'I think it's a terrible burden to shoulder that kind of secret on your own,' she said, praying that wasn't too bold. Andy always told her off for speaking her mind too much. She couldn't  help it.

She heard him draw in a long breath and let it out. She caught those sharp blue eyes boring into her, searching her expression for something she didn't know.

'Maybe you're right. But you know, now.'

The accusation made her jump a little. Did she know too much? He must have caught the glint of fear in her eye, his own expression turning from one of seriousness, breaking into a smile, and laughing in spite of himself.

'Don't worry, I'm not planning on retconning you again. You're clearly too determined for that. Better I have you on my side. I did just put you on the payroll, after all.'

She swallowed down the lump forming in the back of her throat. 'There's really no one else? You don't have a partner or someone who knows?'

'There's no one,' he confirmed, looking as if he wanted to say more, but holding back. She could have gotten lost in that gaze, drowning in the depths of hidden meaning. She wanted so much to unravel all of those secrets and keep them close, this man who was a mystery. In the short amount of time they'd been together, he'd gotten under her skin somehow. The file she'd pulled up - the man under the name of Captain Jack Harkness who'd disappeared in 1941. The one who couldn't possibly be Jack, or so he said. She wanted to know more. Needed to know more.

'You're okay with that?' he asked, reminding her of the secret he was asking her to keep.

She looked out over the city, watching as it slowly awoke from slumber, the first cars trundling down the main thoroughfares, going about their day, oblivious to the revelations that she now knew about the place she'd lived all her life, and the man that watched over all of them.

'Yeah,' she said, nodding. That was a cross she was willing to bear. In fact, it was a weight off her shoulders to know that he trusted her so completely. He barely knew her, yet she was determined to prove to him that she could be the confidante he needed.

He smiled at her again, kind and warm. A step closer and she'd be near enough to feel the his warm breath on her face. It was so utterly tempting to close the gap, forgetting all about the life she'd lead before today, and the boyfriend that would be waiting for her at home.

The hand that reached out and grabbed her elbow gently almost caught her by surprise, the touch electric.  

'Go home. Get some rest,' he instructed. 'Tomorrow we begin. The twenty-first century is when everything changes.'