Title: Escaping the Past isn't Easy
Fandom: Spooks (MI5)
Rating: PG
Length: 542
Summary: It's New Year's Eve, and Lucas North is writing his resolutions.
A/N: This is set in my A New Start 'verse, in which Adam isn't killed and he and Lucas are starting to build a relationship.

It was New Year’s Eve and Lucas North was staring at a blank sheet of paper.  His counsellor had told him he should make three resolutions, which he could use as encouragement during the year and would give him something to celebrate at the end of the year.

Lucas looked miserably at the paper for ten minutes before picking up his pen and beginning to write ‘I won’t spend …’  But that was no good, because she’d said he should concentrate on positive actions, not negative ones.  He screwed the sheet of paper into a ball and threw it on the floor.

At that moment his phone pinged with a text.  Lucas glanced at it, “Looking forward to seeing you later. Come about 6pm. Adam.”  Lucas replied briefly “Okay.”  He had no intention of going.  Adam and Wes had invited him to join them to see in the New Year, but Lucas had no wish to either look back on the past year or look forward to the new one.

He angrily wrote his first resolution.  1 – I will do what I want and not what anyone else tells me to do.

He thought this might not be the best of resolutions, but it was a start.  At least he didn’t have to show anyone what he’d written.

He began his second resolution, remembering in time not to use the negative.  2 – I will eat as much cake as I want. He liked cake, and after so many years of hunger he saw no reason why he shouldn’t.  He’d spent Christmas Day with Adam and Wes, and then Boxing Day with Malcolm and his mother.  Both days he’d been plied with plenty of Christmas cake and Malcolm’s mother had insisted on sending him home with a dozen mince pies, which she claimed she had baked because she had made a mistake in weighing the ingredients.

He’d enjoyed both days, but he wasn’t going to let those memories encourage him to go to Adam’s.

His phone rang and he answered it.  “Hi, Adam!”

“Hi Lucas.  Thought I’d phone and say if you want to come earlier this afternoon, you’ll be very welcome.”

“Oh, right.”

“You are coming, aren’t you?”

“I can’t!”

“Why not?”

“I’ve got to write my resolutions.”

“Bring them with you; I’ll write them for you.”

Lucas gave a small chuckle.

Adam continued, “You are packed?”

“Um, yes.”

“Lucas North, don’t lie to me.  Go upstairs and get your bag out.  I’ll phone you back in five minutes and tell you exactly what you need to pack.”

“Thank you,” Lucas replied quietly.

Lucas felt as if all the tension in his body had dissolved.  He hadn’t realised how much the decision regarding what he should take had been weighing on him.  Eight years of having nothing, plus a year beforehand ensuring no trace was left whenever he departed from somewhere, had left him unable to decide what to take, and more importantly what to leave behind.  He hastily scribbled 3 – I will always listen to Adam and then screwed this sheet up as well.  There’d be plenty of time to decide on three sensible resolutions in the next few days; although he did still rather fancy the one about the cake.