Title: Cracking Up
Fandom: Dear Ladies
Rating: G
Length: 565 words
Summary: Hilda wishes to treat her goldfish Sandy to a new tank.

“Hello, Evadne! Where are you, dear?”

Evadne looked up from rolling her pastry. “I’m in the kitchen, Hilda!”

She returned her attention to the pastry and Hilda strode in, a broad smile on her face.

“You’ll never guess what’s opened up in the village!”

Evadne looked up again, one eyebrow raised. “Well, as it’s Stackton: a giant sinkhole..?”

Hilda waved a hand. “No, dear. No.” She straightened her shoulders. “A new pet shop.”

Evadne frowned. “Is that all? Doesn’t sound terribly exciting…”

She picked up the pastry and laid it on a plate, pressing it down lightly but firmly.

“Oh, but it’s wonderful!” said Hilda. “They have a marvellous aquatic section—huge range of aquaria. In fact…” Her eyes dropped and one finger began tracing circles on the table. “I was thinking of getting a new tank for Sandy.”

Evadne’s attention snapped back to Hilda. “Now, come on, dear. We’ve talked about this. We both agreed we would only spend money on essentials while there’s so much maintenance needed on the house.”

“Well, yes…” Hilda was still watching her finger moving on the tabletop. “But it’s just a tank—not that expensive.”

“Hilda—no!” said Evadne. “We’ve got to be sensible. Plan ahead.”

Hilda looked up. “Yes, I suppose you’re right, dear.” She sighed. “I’ll just go and tell Sandy then. He’ll be so disappointed…”

Hilda wandered off to the living room, shoulders slumped. Evadne rolled her eyes.




Evadne was rinsing out the mixing bowl when Hilda came rushing back in, clasping Sandy’s bowl.

“Look!” Hilda thrust the bowl at Evadne, water sloshing everywhere.

“Hilda!”

Evadne shrank back to avoid a soaking and then leant forward to look at the bowl. She face fell.

“Oh, my goodness. It looks like a crack!”

Hilda nodded vigorously. “Yes, it does!”

“Oh..!” Evadne waved her hands, looking around frantically. “Ah!” She filled the now clean mixing bowl with some cold water and added a little hot. She tested it. “I think it’s fine! Tip him in!”

Hilda carefully poured both goldfish and water into the mixing bowl. “There!”

Evadne sighed in relief.

“Panic over. But I suppose you will have to get a new tank now...”

One eyebrow rose slowly.

“Hilda. Please tell me that you didn’t crack Sandy’s bowl so you could buy the tank.”

Hilda looked shocked. “I would never put Sandy’s life in danger!”

“So you swear you didn’t crack the bowl?” said Evadne.

“I swear it!” said Hilda.

Evadne stared at her.

“Right then.”

She cast one more suspicious look over Hilda’s expression.

Hilda looked back innocently.




“Isn’t it lovely?” Hilda beamed as she watched Sandy swimming round his capacious new tank on top of the piano. “And it truly wasn’t that expensive.”

“Hilda…” Evadne came through from the kitchen. “I’ve just been examining Sandy’s fishbowl.”

“Oh, yes..?”

Hilda looked away and went to sit down in her chair.

“Yes,” said Evadne. “Hilda, that crack has been drawn on in soap!”

“Good heavens,” said Hilda. “I wonder how that could have happened…”

Evadne closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She opened her eyes again.

“You swore to me that you hadn’t cracked the bowl.”

Hilda waved a hand airily. “Well, I hadn’t, had I? I didn’t lie to you. You just assumed.”

Evadne glared at her.

“Hilda Bracket..!”

She shook her head.

“I should have known there was something fishy going on.”