Title: Reach Out and Annoy Someone
Author: jordannamorgan
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Characters: Mustang, Hughes, Hawkeye.
Setting: General.
Rating: G.
Length: 395 words.
Summary: For the first week, Roy actually thought Maes as a new father was cute.



For the first week, Roy actually thought Maes as a new father was cute.

It was a little bit like seeing him drunk—only constant, and more entertaining. He gabbled incessantly to anyone who would listen about how adorable and perfect Elicia’s tiny fingers and toes and eyebrows were. There was even a time when he sat in Roy’s office and bawled, mumbling something corny about how he’d never known how incomplete his life was before Elicia, and how he suddenly knew his entire purpose was to change the world for her.

The scene left Roy fighting off bemused chortles. He’d thought it was mothers who were supposed to be all hormonal following childbirth.

After a month, however, the abrupt interjections of Daddy Maes into his office were driving Roy insane.

“I got to take Elicia shopping for the first time today! You’ve gotta come see her wearing her new jumper—it’s so precious!”

“Elicia visited the playground for the first time this weekend! Isn’t this the cutest picture of us on the teeter-totter? Oh, and this one…!”

“Elicia sneezed twice this morning. I’m worried sick that she’s coming down with something! …I can’t take the waiting—I’m going right now to meet Gracia at the doctor’s!”

As the delirious obsession showed no signs of abating, Roy was starting to wonder if it wasn’t Maes who was sick.

When the Colonel was transferred to East City, it at least sounded like a blessedly welcome respite from his old friend… except for one thing.

“Hey, Roy—Elicia’s teething! I was worried it’s a little too soon, but the doctor says…”

“Today Elicia went on her first pony ride!”

“Guess what? Elicia took her first steps today! It only took her nine tries to make it all the way from the coffee table to the couch!”

“Maes,” Roy ground out. “If you call me one more time just to hyperventilate about one of Elicia’s firsts, I swear I’m going to scorch your chin stubble off through the phone line.”

Happily deaf to the threat, Maes kept on nattering about the pillows they’d put down to cushion Elicia’s many falls; and Roy unceremoniously hung up.

At her adjacent desk, Lieutenant Hawkeye showed the merest hint of a crooked smile.

“You should be more patient with him, Colonel… Someday, you may learn for yourself what he’s so excited about.”

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2016 Jordanna Morgan