Title: From Carnistir's Diary
Fandom: The Silmarillion
Rating: K
Length: 1030 words
Content notes: N/A
Author notes: To make it clear, I don't dislike Nerdanel. But her kids probably did feel at least somewhat betrayed.
Summary: Three entries from Carinthir's diary, following the twins birth, through Nerdanel and Fëanor's seperation.

Dear Diary,

Atar and Amil are fighting over the twins again.

Mother screamed at him about the gossip around town, that he had cursed her into having twins, when everyone knows they are bad luck – I still don’t see how having two children at the same time is bad luck, and Atar seemed to agree, because he yelled back at her that was a silly old superstition, left over from when all elves lived across the sea and life was much harder, so yes, having two babies at the same time would have been bad there, but here she has the support of everyone, including servants, if she needs time to rest.

Amil yelled back that she didn’t want to rest, she wanted to spend time on crafts like he does, and she hasn’t been able to make a new statue in years. It went downhill from there, with Atar finally screaming at her that if she hated being a mother so much, she should just leave.

Amil didn’t answer.

Carnistir

-

Dear Diary,

I yelled at Tyelko today. Maitimo wasn’t happy, and asked us both if we had to yell so much. I pointed out that Atar and Amil are always yelling at each other, and nobody ever says anything to them about stopping.

I wish I hadn’t said that. Maitimo looked so upset when I pointed it out, and Makalaurë quit playing his harp as soon as he heard it as well. I forget sometimes that both of them seem to think this is out of the ordinary for people to yell so much. They’re so sensitive, but what is there to do? I think I’m going to try and yell less, at least around them. I love my brothers, and I don’t want to see them upset (even though I’ll never tell them that).

Atar seemed relieved to bring Atarinkë back from the forges and not find any yelling either, though he shook his head when Maitimo told him that Amil had left the twins with him today. I don’t know where Amil went, either. I heard Maitimo say something to Atar about grandmother Indis when they were getting supper ready, but surely she wouldn’t betray him and go spend time with her when she knows Atar doesn’t like Indis? And even if she did, surely she’d take us to see our grandparents too? Atarinkë was upset to find out that he missed out on the chance to see them, leading Atar to quickly assure him that we’d go see them soon.

I couldn’t help missing the look on his face though. I’m not sure we’ll be going to see them soon – Makalaurë and Maitimo were whispering to each other later about how Atar seems more anxious and paranoid lately about Uncle Nolofinwë.

I don’t want my father to be upset, but what if Uncle really isn’t doing anything to undermine his place? Then Maitimo will be upset because he doesn’t get to see Findekáno and Tyelko will be upset about Írissë. I’m not sure what to hope for.

Carnistir

_

Dear Diary,

Amil left today.

Atar couldn’t seem to believe it. He just stood there after she told him she couldn’t stay with him anymore, even for the children. She never said anything to us, so I wonder if it was more ‘especially given the children’. I suppose I can’t fault her for it – outside of the family (and even a few people in it), everyone still seems to think that twins are bad because of how hard it is on the mother. They’re still repeating that silly nonsense that Atar cursed her. Atar wouldn’t do anything like that, not after losing his own mother.

We’ve decided to go by our father names now, at least for awhile. I’m not sure of the other’s reasons – I think Tye Turko and At Curvo are doing it because they want to show support for Atar.

Maitimo Nelyo lost his temper and started yelling down the lane after Amil, before Maka Káno grabbed him and begged him to stop, it wasn’t good for the children to hear any more yelling. Ordinarily, I would have started yelling at him that they were children too and they shouldn’t call us that, but I feel so sorry for them. They’ve practically raised the twins since they were born, because Atar was too busy with those of us old enough to go the forges, and they wanted to give Amil a break so that she would be less stressed and come back to us. I guess that didn’t work out.

It’s so hard to call my brothers by different names. We all keep slipping up and reverting – except for Curvo, I suppose he always was somewhat attached to the names Atar gave us.

And we’ll have to figure out which name goes to which twin. Calling them Ambarussa was just so much easier, but Atar’s always stressed that regardless of what rumor says, they’re separate elves – after all, he said, we can’t just feed one of them and expect the other to not starve. He has a point.

Atar always has a point.

So one of these is Pityo and the other is Telvo, but Nelyo’s already said we can’t shave one to make it easier – that was Turko’s suggestion, though judging by the way the two were whispering back and forth, I think the other would have just cut his hair off to match. Tricky little brats. I’m kind of proud of them for that, though. Anyone who confuses Tye Turko is good with me.

This would have been easier if Amil hadn’t always insisted they were the same and should have the same name. I guess, it doesn’t matter what she thought, since she’s not here anymore, but I don’t know.

I don’t know how much time I’ll have to write in you for the future, either, diary. I think Turko and I might have to grow up a little, to help Nelyo and Káno, though that might mean just staying out of their way.

I don’t like this.

Morofinwë, fourth son of Fëanáro, son of Finwë, King of the Noldor