Author: Desiree Armfeldt
Title: Personal Significance
Fandoms: due South
Characters: Benton Fraser/Ray Kowalski (pre-slash, or unrequited pining, or something along those lines)
Rating: General
Length: 830 words
Angst-to-hope ratio: Low?
Disclaimer: I didn't create these characters, I don't own them, I derive no profit from their use.
Summary: Fraser ponders Ray's bracelet.




That bracelet.  Two slender strands of silvery metal beads circling Ray’s right wrist.  Fraser can’t stop thinking about it.

It isn’t just the fact that it draws his attention to Ray’s fine wrists and expressive hands.  It isn’t simply Ray’s habit of rolling the ball chain up and down his wrist with his left thumb when he’s concentrating, or nervous, or restless, until Fraser longs to replace Ray’s thumb with his own, or better still, with his tongue.

All of that, yes, but what captivates Fraser most strongly is the desire to understand.

Fraser has always been fascinated by detail.  By the meaning that can be read in a hoofprint, the pattern of an oil spill, a person’s choice of cologne.  This is what makes him (if he does say so himself) a first-rate tracker, detective and student of human nature.

Jewelry tells a story about its wearer.  It’s a highly personal display.

Fraser himself has never worn any jewelry apart from a watch.  The one he wears now, classic and utilitarian, was a gift from his father when he was sworn in as an officer of the RCMP. He occasionally wonders if Ray’s own watch has a similar history.  Unlikely, given the strength of Damien Kowalski’s objections to his son’s choice of career.  And yet, now that Fraser has met the man and seen how obviously he loves Ray, it seems not entirely implausible that even in the midst of anger and estrangement, he might have given his son a gift to communicate what he was unable to speak in words.

What story does Ray’s bracelet tell?  What does it mean to him?

It’s an unusual adornment for a Chicago police officer—though, if it comes to that, Ray’s clothing is equally distinctive, setting him apart from his colleagues in ways he can’t help but realize.  Is the bracelet a statement of his individuality, his refusal to be anyone other than himself when he isn’t actively undercover?  Or does Ray wear it for its history rather than its appearance?

It obviously has some significance for him, because Fraser has seen Ray without the bracelet literally only once: when he removed it to don boxing gloves.  Ray frequently takes his watch off for physical activities—on the baseball field, for example—but the bracelet stays on whenever possible.

Was it a gift from his ex-wife?  A reminder of that lost connection, of the life Ray has unwillingly left behind?  Perhaps a gift from someone else—if so, that would mean that there is someone in Ray’s past, vitally important to him, that he has never mentioned to Fraser.  Possible.  Intriguing, if so (Fraser concentrates on the almost-physical itch to learn the shape of a missing puzzle piece, ignoring the cold knot the thought plants in his stomach).  But unlikely: he knows Ray better than that (he is almost sure).

Perhaps not a gift at all, or not a meaningful one.  Ray might have bought the bracelet himself, because he thought it suited him, or because it reminded him of some character from a movie.  He might have picked it up on a whim, or been given it as a joke, and then simply fallen into the habit of wearing it, until it became almost a part of him.  He might have first put it on to mark some occasion of personal significance, or even as some sort of political statement.

So many possibilities; so many unanswered questions.  Does Ray think about the bracelet much?  Is he even aware of it any more?  Does he know how it causes the eye to linger on his hands?  Is that why he wears it?

There is a simple way to answer these questions, of course: Fraser could ask Ray, and Ray would almost certainly tell him what he wants to know.  He treasures these confidences from Ray, gifts of knowledge and intimacy rolled into one.  He could ask, and Ray would tell him. . .but he isn’t done chewing over the puzzle himself, yet.

And then, too, there are the questions he can’t ask; the answers Ray would never volunteer.

Does he enjoy the feeling of the ball bearings against his skin, drawing heat from his blood, rolling gently over the knobs of bone?  Does he ever take it off?  Does he wear it in the shower?  In bed?  In bed with someone else? Would he let someone touch those beads, rub them along the delicate inside of his wrist, taste them, taste him? Would he let Fraser. . . ?

The bracelet disappears into the sleeve of Ray’s leather jacket and Fraser reins in his wandering thoughts as he follows his partner out to the car.  There is work to be done; more pressing mysteries to be solved.  The bracelet will still be there for Fraser to ponder, after criminals have been apprehended and justice served.  A daily small puzzle to occupy his mind in idle moments.  That’s all it is, after all.