Title: No Guilt, No Remorse
Characters: Neal, Peter, El
Rating: PG
Length: 900
Spoilers: Up to 5x04
Summary: Neal and Peter deal with the consequences of 5x03.





The shot was loud, a single crack. A flock of pigeons flew away, leaving the two men alone. A bubble of sudden quiet in the middle of the bustling city.

"What are you doing?" Siegel asked, wide-eyed. He stared down at his shirt, a red stain starting to spread out. And then he was down.

Neal dropped the gun, taking a few startled steps back. "I'm sorry."

But there was no response.


Neal's eyes flew open, his breath coming out in short gasps. The scene was still playing in his head. Siegel laying there, motionless on the pavement, his eyes blaming Neal for his death. He should have known Siegel would follow him if he left his usual routine. Whether it was really a mugging like the police seemed to think, or Hagen was somehow involved... Siegel would have never been there had it not been for him.

Neal made his way to the sink and downed a cup of water. The clock showed 01:17. It was going to be a long night.

-------

"Hon, you're coming to bed?" It was almost 2AM.

Peter muttered something about coming in 'just a second'. It was becoming a very, very long second.

Elizabeth drew closer, and glanced at the papers spread out on the kitchen table. Agent David Siegel's file, the police report on his murder, the autopsy report. "You won't solve this by staying up all night."

"I brought him to New York, El."

"This isn't your fault."

Peter just shook his head. He knew El meant well, but he still couldn't shake the feeling that he could have done something, anything, to prevent this. Maybe if he found the murderer..

"Didn't the police say it's a mugging? Muggings happen." Not getting a clear response, Elizabeth tried a different tack. "How's Neal taking it?"

"Neal?" Peter blinked at Elizabeth.

"Yeah. Siegel was his handler. You're bringing him in on the investigation?"

"This isn't Neal's area of expertise. And I've got all available agents focused on this case. I told him to stay at home until we've got this figured out."

After a silent pause, Peter glanced up at his wife, noting her surprise. Why did he feel like he'd done something wrong? He couldn't deal with an unsupervised Neal right now, and he didn't have the manpower to spare. "I don't want him trying to solve this on his own."

"So you've got him stuck at home?"

"For a couple of days, yes. Once we solve this case, we can get back to our normal caseload."

"Well, if you want to solve this case, you need to clear your mind. Come on," Elizabeth reached for Peter's hand. "Bed."


-------


Neal was surprised the next morning to discover Peter on his doorstep. "Peter."

"Good morning." Peter stood awkwardly at the door. He hadn't stopped by Neal's since that day he'd told him he'll bring in a new handler.  You need somebody who'd see you as you are, he'd said.  And that turned out just swell.

"Hey." Neal stood aside, allowing the agent entrance. He hadn't expected to hear from Peter until the case was closed. He kept his voice normal when he asked, "You've got news on Siegel?"

Peter shook his head. "None yet. But I thought I'd drop by, see how you're doing."  The apartment didn't look any different.

Neal shrugged with a smile. "I'm doing fine, Peter. Just fine."

"Right." Peter hadn't expected any other answer from Neal. "But Siegel was your handler, you spent the most amount of time with him."

"I barely knew him, Peter." It was the truth. He'd barely spent a week with the guy. People came, people went, that was life, right?

"Yeah. Still, if you want to talk, Neal, I'm here. Or.. you know, there's counseling."

Neal shuddered at the thought of dealing with a Fed shrink. It would be too much of an effort to try and keep his secrets hidden. "I've been through worse, Peter. I've bounced back."

Peter wasn't sure what to say to that.  The painting on the easel caught his eye. Splotches of red thrown on a darkly colored canvas. "You're into modern painting now?"

"I have a lot of time on my hands."

Peter nodded at the hidden rebuke. "It's just going to be for another day or two." Both the NYPD and the Bureau had their best people on the job. It was just a matter of days till the murderer was behind bars. "We'll find whoever did this."

"I know you will." If Hagen was behind this, he'll bring Neal down with him. At this point Neal wasn't sure it would be so bad.  "Peter.."

Peter turned back to Neal.

The words were on the tip of Neal's tongue.  I know what Siegel was doing there.  Hagen, the Codex, the fake confession.   Peter had been so proud of him, having stood up to temptation.  He couldn't let him down.  Instead Neal just smiled it off.  "If there's anything new on the case-"

Peter was pretty sure the younger man had something else on his mind.  But he was afraid to press him right now.  "I'll update you if anything comes up, and, you know," Peter shrugged, "if you need anything.."

Neal smiled his gratitude. "I'll let you know."

Peter stared at Neal for a full moment.  "Well, I guess I'll be going."

"Right, right."

Neal closed the door behind Peter's back and heaved a sigh of relief.  A few more days and he'll be back at work, and then, maybe, he'd be able to forget it all.