Title: Forgetting
Fandom: Chronicles of Narnia
Rating: G
Length: 610 words
Characters: Susan Pevensie
Content notes: Set at the same time as "Voyage of the Dawn Treader".
Author notes: Thanks to xsabrix for looking it over :)
Summary: A mask worn long enough becomes reality.

When her parents suggest she go with them to America, Susan jumps at the chance. Not so much for America itself - she knows little of the place - but to escape from England, and everything in it.

To escape classmates who should be her peers, who everyone thinks are her peers, but who seem so absurdly young. She knows she’s a child here, but she was an adult in Narnia, was Queen of a country just emerging from the Witch’s rule when she was younger than she is now. She just can’t find it in her to take an interest in schoolwork, games, childish play.

To escape an elder brother who thinks and talks of nothing but exams. It’s all right for him, he was always clever. He’ll probably rise to be a great leader in this world, to be Peter the Magnificent here as well as in Narnia. But that path is closed to her.

To escape younger siblings who seem always to be looking at her with pity. It’s not fair, that they can return and she can’t. And even if they couldn’t, they’ll do well in this world too. Edmund the Just will be a lawyer, a judge, a fighter for the truth. Lighthearted Lucy the Valiant will be a nurse, a doctor; she’ll make her own way, find her own place, and nothing will stop her. But Susan? Where is there a place in this world for Narnia’s Gentle Queen?

Yes, Susan would love to escape to America. To escape for a little while the knowledge that she should be planning for the future, but she can’t stop thinking about the past.



*****


America is strange and new and different both from England and from Narnia. In this new place, Susan tries to make a new self, one that can live in this world, since the other is now closed to her.

Some things could be similar to Narnia, but it’s their differences that hurt most of all. The parties, the dresses, the flirting, could be like the balls and gowns and courting of Narnia, but they aren’t. They’re all she has now, though, so she tries to convince herself that they’re the best. And when that fails, she tries to forget that she ever knew something else.

Her new friends call her Princess, for her English good looks, her English voice, her English manners, and she tries to forget that once she was a Queen.

Self-assured young men pay her silly little compliments, and she tries to forget that once poets sang her praises.

Some - the richest, the most smitten - give her little trinkets, and she tries to forget that once no gift was too grand for her suitors to make.

Adults assume she’ll scream or faint at the sight of blood, and she tries to forget that once she hunted, and fought, and killed.

She buys jewellery, cheap imitations, and tries to forget that once she wore real pearls, real gold, real gems.

She is passed over for others, and tries to forget that once princes vied for her favour.

People patronize her, a boarding school girl with no knowledge of the real world, and she tries to forget that once she ruled a country.

She wears lipstick and powder and rouge, and tries to forget the beauty she once had that they can’t recreate.

She cuts and styles her hair in the latest fashions, and tries to forget that it once fell to her feet.

She wears nylon stockings, and tries to forget the silk she once felt against her skin.


She tries to forget... and she succeeds all too well.