I put my fingers
To the kiss
That ain't there.

He gave me air.

But he’s never slept here,
And only once
Touched me with those lips.
I think of him kissing me;
I would drown again
If it would only mean
That he kissed me again.

‘Ray of light,’ he said,
But the only light
In this whole hollow place
Is red. I left them on, last night,
Drunk in anticipation
Of the day of my birth.
‘Hi Mom,’ and I’m sprawled on the couch,
Telling lies on the phone,
‘Yeah, I’m fine - - going out with the boys.’
I stay in with a bottle.

The apartment is haunted
With the chili pepper lights
From Christmas, long ago.
What’s to celebrate?
My hangover asks me.
What’s to celebrate
This morning?
Even my birthday is borrowed
From another man - -
But still.

‘Ray of light,’ Ben said, and woke me.
Woke me, with a smile meant just for me.
And as I woke, his lips brushed mine
Before the dream faded with his words,
“Ray of Light.”

==============================

FRASER:

A multitude of
candles could not dispel my
darkness, not when she
was with me and not now, but
one ray of light could do it.

There is one ray of
light brighter than multitudes
of candles. My Ray…
who I only dare call mine
in my dreams…my Ray of light.

I dream of drowning
but not of the lake’s chill or
the lake’s darkness. I
dream of drowning in the heat
and light of my mouth on his.

Awakening, I
murmur “Ray Ray Ray of light”.
If the Ojibwe
spider favors us, this dream
will be caught and feather down.