Previous Entry | Next Entry

due South, fanfic, 'Sunrise Over Florida'

  • Jan. 11th, 2013 at 4:58 PM
Title: Sunrise Over Florida
Fandom: due South
Rating: G
Length: 189
Summary: Ray Vecchio, walking on the beach at sunrise.

Author's Notes: Freestyle poem. Prompts: Elusive/Ephemeral


A lemon sky opens to the day.
The sun rises
With a shout;
Claps its hands
And rolls over the waves.

Light creeps across
The sullen ocean,
And you bury your toes
In the sand.
Wine dark purple
Becomes dazzle gold,
Then settles into blue –
A thousand blues, and greens, and silvers.

Soon the small children
Will run with their buckets
To play on the beach.

Already in the sky
Gulls wheel
And cry out
Their sharp hunger.
The waves lick
Your feet
Like a lover’s kiss.

The petrels will not come,
So far inland. Not today.
All such storms are very far away.

You ran forever
From the desert,
Forever to find
This water,
This sand that isn’t dry,
To find a sun that doesn’t beat
On bones in the wilderness.

You ran, but didn’t run
Nearly far enough.
The bones follow,
The bleached skulls grin.
Them dry bones
With stridulent whispers
Gonna walk, and walk around.

Perhaps for a day
There will be peace,
And the bones silent –
Please.
Transience, an illusion of joy,
Till the night comes.

But the sun still rises
On the honey beach.

Comments

[identity profile] ride-4ever.livejournal.com wrote:
Jan. 11th, 2013 06:20 pm (UTC)
Fine handling of the difficult task of getting both a sense of peace and a sense of anxiety all into the one poem.

And extra "poet points" for use of the less-common form of "strident".
[identity profile] bghost.livejournal.com wrote:
Jan. 11th, 2013 06:22 pm (UTC)
Dagnabbit! I was trying to get my tweaks done before you read it. D'oh! It's five words shorter and a wee bit better now.

Stridulent seemed the best word - related to the noise that insects make when rubbing their limbs together. If a skeleton's going to make a noise, I bet it would be stridulent.
[identity profile] ride-4ever.livejournal.com wrote:
Jan. 11th, 2013 06:43 pm (UTC)
Well, that's what happens when I read at the speed of my Super-Mountie powers.
[identity profile] bghost.livejournal.com wrote:
Jan. 11th, 2013 06:44 pm (UTC)
Lol

One thing I hate about writing poetry is that, more than any other literary form, I keep coming back and staring at it, thinking... huh. Should I move that???
[identity profile] vickitub.livejournal.com wrote:
Jan. 11th, 2013 08:48 pm (UTC)
That was emotional and i could feel Ray wanting to find that moment of peace,

Beautiful work xxx
[identity profile] bghost.livejournal.com wrote:
Jan. 11th, 2013 11:43 pm (UTC)
TYK
[identity profile] asharo-slash.livejournal.com wrote:
Jan. 13th, 2013 02:14 pm (UTC)
It's really nice! I loved it!!
luzula: a Luzula pilosa, or hairy wood-rush (Default)
[personal profile] luzula wrote:
Jan. 21st, 2013 07:42 am (UTC)
Oh hey, I thought I commented on this, but apparently not! Anyway, I liked it a lot. Bones, brrrr.

About

[community profile] fan_flashworks is an all-fandoms multi-media flashworks community. We post a themed challenge every ten days or so; you make any kind of fanwork in response to the challenge and post it here. More detailed guidelines are here.

The community on Livejournal:
[livejournal.com profile] fan_flashworks

Tags

Latest Month

February 2026
S M T W T F S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios
Designed by [personal profile] chasethestars