Title: My life without me
Challenge: Borrowed Title
Fandom:Catch Trap
Word Count: 681
Rating: R
Sumary: In prison Mario knows his old life won't ever exist again.
A/N: Not beta-d. You can information about the movie that gives title to this fanfic here and here .






The prison is a weird place and Mario hates himself for being here again. At one point after that first arrest, he promised himself not to go back, to not disappoint Papa Tony again. His mind tells him that Papa is long gone, just as Tommy is and he will be soon.

Nobody in the cell looks at him, they don’t care why a shady man, with overgrown bear and tangled hair, is doing here. His clothes are even older then when he only had a piece of soap and a bucket of water to wash it between presentations. In a fleeting moment, he remembers the cold water splashing around them, Tommy laughing at his all wet hair and the way he holds the cloth around his hair as a turban. It been good times when he didn’t have to push far for a triple, and just have Tommy company when the circus fell to sleep.

One more time he wonders if Tommy remembers all this memories that attack him in the cold cell, they don’t hurt either, because to fill pain you have to fill anything else and it’s long gone the time he since he felt a good feeling. The touches, the murmurs at night, the looks through the platform and those times in the equipment’s truck all swirl around him and always come back again, and again and again.

Sometimes he thinks he never knew Tommy really, just saw the good boy he wanted to have, the person that for the first time could see the maze he felt in the bars and how much being a aerialist can make you something more. Maybe he got tired of Mario’s moods or maybe he felt that the curiosity time was over and he would again go and have girls.

He looks the tiny window and closes his eyes, it doesn’t matter anymore, Tommy is away, maybe dead if he truly joined the army; Papa Tony is dead and he lost himself around the country, following ghosts, redhead ghosts that appear everywhere and sometimes make him go to jail or to stay weeks in trouble.

Here and now almost nothing matters, no one knows where he is and nobody should, he made sure the family couldn’t find him. Liz is probably crazy with worry, breaking things or yelling at David and she is the only one he wished to call, but knows he can’t.

And then the door’s open and the flood comes: is Angelo glad Tommy and Mario are apart and he never will corrupt Tommy again; maybe Lucia is going around, looking for him or maybe she relieved he won’t any more stress to the family; Jock and Stella are probably happy he left, the Santelli tradition is lost and his brother is finally free to do his crazy stunts; Barbara, Tessa and Clay should miss him as much as they missed when he left to the circus season and therefore should think he will come back soon even if soon he will never come back; Joe is probably the only one that worries, because he took the family head when Papa Tony died and would probably want things to be ok.

He doesn’t think about Tommy, because most times he thinks everything been a dream. In the opposite direction he doesn’t think about Susan or Suzy, because it’s more real than many things he once loved and he still isn’t sure if his marriage is or not a good thing.

The police officer comes and calls his name, it’s been days since they acknowledged his presence. Later when they trow him in the bright sun light he hopes to find something or someone that will take him even far away from here. His old life won’t come back and even if he remember and try to picture how things are without him it won’t come back.

If one day Tommy appears once again in his life he will say sorry, if not, it will just follow how things been going on, he wandering and life taking him.