Title: Tapestry of Life
Fandom: Star Trek: the Original Series
Rating: R
Characters: Kirk/Spock
Length: 686
Content notes: none
Summary: Spock used to be amused by how Jim traces his scars during sex. After his revival he finally understands the impulse to maps the life on a lover's body.

“You have a scar here,” Spock said, when his hand brushed by Jim’s side of the body.
“Really? I haven’t noticed it before,” Jim smiled. “Trust you to find it out.”
Spock kissed the scar lightly. His lips and hands explored Jim’s body downward, mapping every blemish and scars he could find, engraving them on his mind, his heart and his katra. “I endeavour to memorize them all.”
“Really? Why?” Jim asked, giggling when Spock licked around another new discovery.
How should he put it into words? Spock wondered.

---

Jim used to kiss and caress his scars like that before his own death, and he tolerated Jim’s obsession with amusement. Once he asked about it when Jim busied himself with kisses on an old scar on Spock’s body.
“Because they’re fascinating,” Jim smiled. “And they tell me many things about you.”
He kissed and licked the line of small round scars on Spock’s chest, earning Spock’s shiver at the wet sensation. “You got them in place of me. You would have died to save my life.”
Jim’s fingers gently circled another scar on Spock’s side. “You told me you got that in a lab accident, when you had to carry your colleagues out to save them, even though you were hurt yourself.”
He sucked gently on Spock’s right knee. “The scar you got at your kahs-wan. The day you dedicated yourself to the Vulcan way.”
“They are a map of your life” Jim said. “I treasure every of them, as they made you the person you are, a person of integrity and strength.”
Spock felt warmth radiated through his body at Jim’s words, and something small and broken in his heart started to mend.

---

Every mark of his old body was gone now, when he was regenerated on the Genesis Planet. Sometimes Jim still wistfully touched the places where he would have found a mark before, but he did it less frequently now. Spock tensed up when Jim did that the first few times, tracing memories Spock could no longer claim, and Jim must have caught up with Spock's discomfort and stopped.
Spock sucked the skin on Jim’s thigh when Jim moaned, his tongue tracing the mark at the edge of Jim’s right inner thigh. His memory still could not return completely, and he quietly distressed when he thought about how many of his memories about Jim were lost forever, how many moments of their life together forever forsaken, and how much of his past self would remain a complete stranger to himself.
When Spock harboured a headache after a futile medication to recover his past, Jim rubbed his head and said, “it’s all right. It means that we can create new better memories together, now that we’re older and wiser. ”
Spock leaned on Jim’s lap, enjoying how Jim massaged his scalp, but he had sensed Jim’s longing enough time to doubt Jim's words.
Jim sighed, his hands still gently kneading. “Isn't it your people's philosophy that let bygone be bygone? Regret is unavoidable in life, but I prefer enjoying life at the moment. Does your head get better? ”
“Yes, thank you.” Spock said. He burst out at Jim’s concerned face. “You deserve better. ”
“You deserve better. When I thought about how much you lost —” Jim turned away for a moment. “It’ll be trite to say that I understand, and I’m sorry that I can't make it better.”
Jim looked into Spock's eyes, his hand continued to soothe Spock. “I grieve with thee.”
“I grieve with thee too, ” Spock said.

---

Spock traced the marks on Jim’s body, rediscovering and memorizing the man who he had spent the best part of his life with. He thought he finally got Jim’s interest in cataloguing the imperfections on Spock’s previous body. Every mark and pain made Jim into the best captain of the fleet, Spock's best friend and lover and the best person Spock had met. They were tribute to Jim’s fruitful life, and Spock honoured them.
He could not put his sentiment into words, but from Jim’s softened eyes and smile, he thought Jim got him as always.