Title: Keep Calm and Cable for Jeeves!
Fandom: Jeeves & Wooster
Rating: G
Notes: I've been a fan of P.G. Wodehouse for some time now, and while I enjoy all his characters, I have a special place in my heart for Bertie and Jeeves. I'm especially fond of the telegrams exchanged between Bertie and his friends — hilarious stuff, old eggs. Hilarious stuff. So hilarious, in fact, I was inspired to to create a telegram of my own.






I could never in a million years being as funny as P.G. Wodehouse. Here's a selection of telegrams exchanged between Bertie and Aunt Dahlia Travers (can't remember which story they came from):


"Come at once. Love, Travers"

"Perplexed. Explain. Bertie"

"What on earth is there to be perplexed about, ass? Come at once. Love, Travers"

"How do you mean come at once? Regards. Bertie"

"I mean come at once you maddening half-wit. What do you think I meant? Come at once or expect an aunt’s curse by first post tomorrow. Love Travers "

"When you say come, do you mean come to Brinkley Court? And when you say at once, do you mean at once? Fogged, at a loss. All the best, Bertie"

"Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes. It doesn’t matter whether you understand or not, you just come at once as I tell you and for heaven’s sake stop this backchat. Do you think I am made of money that I can afford to send you
telegrams every ten minutes? Stop being a fathead and come immediately. Love Travers."

It was at this point that I felt the need of getting a second opinion..."Read these," I said, handing Jeeves the papers. He scanned them. "What do you make of it Jeeves?"

"I think Mrs. Travers wishes you to come at once sir," he said.

"You gather that too, do you?"

"Yes sir."

"I put the same construction on the thing."