Title: Futility
Fandom: Mass Effect
Rating: PG
Length: 342
Pairings: Kaidan Alenko/male Shepard (pre-relationship), Kaidan Alenko/OFC
Content notes: Takes place approximately two years after Shepard's death in the attack on the Normandy SR-1. Makes reference to the contents of a letter Kaidan sent to Shepard after the events on Horizon (in ME2)..
Author notes: This takes place on the Citadel approximately 2 years after the death of Commander Shepard. It is Kaidan's voice.
Summary: Just trying to have a life again...

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The music is too loud.

It's like every club in Vancouver, back when I was attempting to find myself in the messed-up kid who'd come back from Jump Zero.

The lights are bright and the pulsing of the strobes immediately trigger a pre-migraine. I rub at the back of my neck, trying to unobtrusively soothe the assault on my amp port.

I didn't know much about the clubs here on the Citadel so I took the advice of a friend and ended up here, assured that it's one of the quieter places to have a drink.

Dr. Caron – Jeanne, I remind myself – had messaged me that she might be a bit late. She is on-call tonight at Huerta Memorial and a complicated case could mean a delay.

The same friend who'd suggested this club has spent the last month urging me to get to know her. "She's Canadian too. You'll have so much in common." They meant well. I didn't mention that Quebec is a world away from Vancouver. And my French is terrible.

It's forty minutes past our planned meeting time and I'm ready to give up and go home. I could say I'd tried. A large part of me is relieved not to have to go through with this – the part of me who still mourns the loss of a man who never knew I loved him.

Just as I'm pushing back my chair, a tall dark-haired woman approaches my corner table. She's still wearing a white lab coat over a well-tailored black dress. Extending her hand, she also offers her name. "Kaidan Alenko? Je suis Jeanne Caron. Je m'excuse pour le retard." She shrugs her shoulders as if to say it couldn't be helped.

We continue the conversation in English, but I'm not paying attention. I do notice that her eyes are a clear blue... like Shepard's. And I panic.

Tapping my omni-tool, I murmur an excuse about needing to go. She nods, probably as relieved as I am that it's over.

I know I'll never see her again.
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