Title: What Doo?
Fandom: Dragon's Crown
Rating: PG-13
Length: 290 Words
Content Notes: Scatological humor.
Author Notes: As per usual for my writing in this fandom, this is silly.
Summary: To go adventuring, one needs to be prepared.

* * * *

"I ... have discovered a small problem." The Wizard had a most peculiar expression on his beardless face, one that the Dwarf had not beheld there for a long time.

"This isn't the thing where you've eaten the wrong food and it's treating you badly on the way down, is it?" the Dwarf grumbled. "I told you that's a dish that's traditionally got green peppers in it." He grimaced. "And these ruins have not got anything in them that you can use for wiping, not unless you want to run your arse across bare rock."

"The portal is not far behind us," the Wizard replied, looking a little desperate. "If you and I hurry, we can get back to town and take care of this, then come back."

"Well, isn't that the bloodiest undignified thing!" the Dwarf fumed. "I'm sure the monsters are all laughing at us behind that pile of boulders over there." He adopted a high, squeaky voice, presumably that of a Goblin or some other rabble. "Ooo, look at that Wizard! He's about to mess himself! I guess we've got the day off, lads!"

"You don't have to rub it in," the Wizard said, turning a deep shade of red. "And I'm not going to fight you over it. I can barely walk right now, let alone adopt a wide stance. Let's just go, all right." He turned to shuffle back towards where the portal was.

"I'll just pretend this day never happened," the Dwarf said, mostly to himself, "not that it's the first time a trip out's been ruined by someone else's bum-gravy."

But he did make certain to tell all the other adventurers at the tavern about it while the Wizard was in the loo.

END.