Title: Decision
Fandom: Mass Effect
Rating: PG
Length: 815
Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/male Shepard
Content notes: Post canon, subsequent to Mass Effect 3: Extended Cut, destroy ending
Author notes: This takes place approximately eighteen months after the Reaper War was won. Shepard is well on his way to recovering after being found barely alive. It is Kaidan's voice.
Summary: Sometimes no is the right choice.

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"Shepard? Are you going to wear that hoodie to your meeting with Hackett?"

He's been dragging his feet all morning, at least since we got up. Before that, well I can't complain about his enthusiasm for the activity that kept us in bed until nearly ten o'clock.

His still-healing leg and hip are going to be sore though. He wouldn't accept my suggestion that he take it easier on his body and let me make love to him a little less athletically, saying he wanted what he wanted. And to be honest, what he wanted felt pretty damned amazing.

He hasn't moved to get dressed for the afternoon meeting yet.

"Is your leg bothering you? Can I get you a pain med?"

"I'm fine, Kaidan. The shower helped. Would have been better if I could have convinced you to join me for it though."

Offered a hand, he takes it and I help him up from the couch, pulling him into my arms as if that had been my whole purpose. I could have used a little biotic assistance, but he'd have noticed and told me how he didn't need it.

"Not that I wasn't tempted. But we both know you'd never make it out the door on time if we got distracted in the shower."

"That might not be the worst thing I could imagine happening, Alenko. I like seeing you distracted."

What his hands are doing on my ass as he presses himself against me definitely qualifies as a distraction, but I reluctantly break away after a kiss that tempts me to deepen it.

"C'mon, let's find you something to wear."

"You're no fun."

But he follows me to the bedroom anyway, shrugging out of the hoodie and laying it carefully on the foot of the bed. After putting on a pair of uniform pants, he sinks down onto the bed to pull on his boots, but pauses with the second boot half-on.

"You want to talk about what's bothering you?"

Shepard drops the boot to the floor and reaches for my hand, urging me to sit next to him. He inhales a deep breath and blows it out slowly, trying for a calm he clearly doesn't feel.

"Maybe. You should be the first to know."

"Is it about the promotion Hackett wants to offer you?"

"How'd you hear about that? I thought it would stay quiet at least till I accepted it."

His gaze is focussed a long way beyond the view from our window. I reach out to touch his face and he allows me to turn him back toward me so I can kiss him. "It is. But Hackett told me."

Blue eyes search mine. "I see."

"I didn't want to make you talk about it until you were ready."

He drops his gaze, studying our joined hands intently – fingers threaded together, perfectly meshed.

"I'm going to turn it down."

That explains the reluctance, and maybe the intensity of his lovemaking this morning.

"I’m not surprised. I don't know if Hackett will be or not, but it's your choice."

"Yeah. I know. It probably won't surprise him either, but he'll try to get me to change my mind. Not gonna happen, Kaidan. I might not be back to combat strength yet, but I'm not going to park my ass at some desk in HQ for the rest of my life. Just to get trotted out as some damn hero figure when they need to rally the troops."

He goes quiet. I'm pretty sure that's more than he planned to say, but I'm glad he said it.

I stroke my thumb over his, just listening to his breathing. How many hours did I spend doing that when he was in the hospital, before he was even conscious? It was all I could do, and he told me later that he had a hazy memory of half-waking to the touch, knowing somehow that he was safe and he could let go and sleep again.

"I'm going to ask to re-join the Normandy. There must be something I can do to help. Ferry supplies, check in on outposts... maybe help test that Charon relay when they get it operational again."

"That's a good idea. The Alliance is short-handed. He'd be crazy to turn you down."

Shepard lifts his head, meeting my eyes again. "There's one more thing I'm going to tell him. I won't do it without you. We're a team. Period. Always."

It feels like I just shed a weight I hadn't known I was carrying.

"Okay, then. That sounds like a plan." The words feel completely inadequate.

I wrap both my arms around him and gather him close to my chest, his arms slipping around my neck as we share a long kiss. A deep kiss, but not a demanding one.

Gentle... like a promise. Or an answer to one.

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