Title: Indivisible
Fandom: Mass Effect
Rating: PG
Length: 1374
Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/male Shepard
Content notes: takes place post ME3
Author notes: This takes place approximately six weeks after the Reaper War was won (ME3 destroy ending). It's Kaidan's voice. The summary is from Shepard in ME3 as they part in London.
Summary: When this is over, I'm going to be waiting for you. You'd better show up.

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"Next order!"

Not my turn yet, but soon. This is a lot of trouble for a cup of coffee. The line didn't look that long but it's moving slow. Maybe I should forget the whole idea and just get back to the hospital. But the coffee – real coffee – smells pretty amazing, especially after drinking whatever passes for coffee from the hospital kitchen. I'll stick it out. Shepard will understand.

He had a rough night. Maybe they'll let him sleep for once rather than waking him for vitals and to poke him for blood samples. On second thought, probably not. He'll be awake and wondering where I am.

I didn't get a lot of sleep either. I couldn't let him face the night alone - hours of insomnia broken only by snatches of nightmares. He doesn't talk about the dreams, but I get why he doesn't want to close his eyes, knowing what he'll face... again.

I stayed with him, holding his hand, massaging out a leg cramp that had him doubled up in pain, and kissing him gently when he fell into an exhausted sleep at last. I must have dozed a little, but woke before dawn. Shepard was still sleeping quietly, so I slipped away to wash up and put on a clean uniform someone had delivered to me yesterday. I don't even know who to thank for that kindness.

Finally. Hot coffee. Taking only enough time to savour the first sips, I snap a lid on the cup and hurry back to where I belong.

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"Hey!"

"Hey, Kaidan. There you are."

Shepard is propped up in his hospital bed, the remains of a food tray in front of him. Bright morning light streams in thru the large windows, a welcome change from a week of grey rain.

"I'm sorry to be away when they brought your breakfast. I hoped they might let you sleep a little longer and needed a few minutes to freshen up." I remember the cup in my hand and take another sip before putting it down and adding to my apology. "There's a new coffee stand in the lobby."

Shepard glances at his barely touched plate of scrambled eggs and toast. "It's okay. I wasn't very hungry. Good that you finally found some coffee. You need to take care of yourself, Kaidan."

I slide the tray to the other side of the bed so I can pull my chair closer. Before settling in, I bend to kiss him, taking his face between my hands and meeting his eyes for a long moment. Shepard awkwardly brings a hand up to touch mine, tugging on his IV line in the process, which causes him to wince in pain.

"I need to take care of you. Would you eat a little more if I gave you a hand? It might help you get your strength back."

Reaching over him, taking care not to get caught in the tubing and wires that tie him to drips and monitors, I grab a banana from the tray. "Let me peel this for you. After a few bites, if you don't want to eat it all, I'll finish it. We have a deal?"

Maybe he just doesn't have the energy to argue with me about it, but he does take the banana once I've started to peel it. It looks good, just ripened and sweet-smelling. I've no idea how anyone managed to get fresh bananas here so soon after everything was in chaos, but I'm glad to see Shepard taking a tentative bite. Maybe I can distract him into eating it all.

"Do you remember the last banana we had? On the Citadel? You bought it at the food cart as we were headed back to your apartment after working out. I asked why you didn't get one for me too."

Shepard nods, smiling a little at the memory.

"You said we'd share it. Of course after you took the first bite the way you did, it was a challenge to me to up the ante when it was my turn. As I recall, I handled that pretty well."

He hands me the half-eaten fruit, his voice less raspy than it had been, throatier. "Not sure I remember the details, Kaidan. Show me."

"Here?" I don't blush easily, but Shepard's request, in that voice, sends a flush to my face, and highly inappropriate bloodflow elsewhere.

"Why not? You make it sound worthwhile. And I'm not doing anything else. I might as well watch you eat a damn banana."

"Anything for you, Shepard." I hope his nurses are occupied elsewhere and that any other visitors would have the courtesy to knock. "Why don't we share, like we did then? I'll take a bite, then it's your turn again."

His attention is focused completely on me as I slowly peel back the next portion of the banana and nibble at it, finally biting off a small slice as sensuously as possible. Wordlessly I hand it back to my lover, who mirrors my performance and smiles at me after swallowing his bite. I almost forget where we are, and he knows full well what he's doing to me.

As I lick my lips, Shepard's breath hitches, and my mind shifts immediately from putting on a show to worrying about whether his change in breathing is normal. Instead of eating the last of the fruit, I glance at the monitor behind him to reassure myself that he's stable.

He doesn't comment on my distraction, but I owe an apology. "I'm sorry... I just broke the mood, didn't I?" Reaching for his hand, I bring it to my lips to kiss each fingertip before pressing a long kiss into his palm. "I'll make it up to you. I'm just... I don't know. Just getting used to having you alive to love for the rest of my life."

I don't know if I should say more, but I owe him the truth. "It terrified me to think I'd lost you again. My life ahead looked just... empty. Then they found you. That was incredible... but it wasn't certain that you'd pull through. All I could do was wait by your side, hold your hand, and hope to hell you'd come back. I still worry whenever your breathing changes or you start coughing. Give me some time to get used to having you here with me."

Shepard turns his hand, still resting in mine, and squeezes with an unexpected strength before sliding his hand up my forearm as far as he can reach, stroking my skin slowly... offering comfort. That's Shepard – it's never about him. He always tries to solve any problem he sees, to do whatever he's needed to do.

But his next words surprise me.

"Kaidan... when you were out this morning, I was thinking about things. I thought maybe I should tell you that you shouldn't waste all your time here with me... that I'm not worth all that." He takes a deep breath and ploughs ahead. "That I shouldn't keep you from the rest of your life."

I look at him, speechless, but he continues, his eyes never leaving mine.

"But I can't do it. I love you, Kaidan. And I need you. What we have... it's more than I ever thought I'd find. We've always been stronger together. I'll get better, I promise – with your help."

My vision is blurred as I lift a hand to press it against Shepard's face, molding my palm against his cheekbone for a long moment before letting it slide down to his chest. His steady heartbeat reassures me yet again.

"I warn you, Major. I can get cranky some days. You'll have your hands full."

"I'll manage." A few tears spill onto my cheeks, unashamed. "I wish the damn bed wasn't so narrow. I just want to hold you." I need to hold him close, his head on my chest and my arms wrapped round him, and to make him know nothing will ever drive me away.

Shepard doesn't try to mask the emotion in his voice. I think we're long past hiding anything from each other. "I told you I'd be back for you, Kaidan..."

"And I showed up."

Both our promises kept.

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