Title: No Better Time
Fandom: Star Trek Enterprise
Rating: PG
Length: 1612
Content notes: Homophobia; AU relating to some events of the episode "Home"
Author notes: This takes place not long after Enterprise returns to Earth after the mission to the Delphic Expanse (Season 3). It is AU to the Season 4 episode "Home" though it encompasses some of the same events. Jonathan and Malcolm have an established relationship and this is Jonathan's voice.
Summary: Laying rumor to rest.

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This hallway has never seemed so endless. I've taken this walk several times over the years, each time never quite sure whether to anticipate good news or bad. Admiral Forrest's office at Starfleet HQ is at the end of the corridor, and today his door is shut. I take that as a bad sign, but that might be unfair.

It's just that the last time I was here, we had words. I'd lost my temper in dealing with the endless questions from the Vulcans about events in the Expanse and how I'd handled them. I've known Max for a long time and probably said too much in trying to justify my anger. He blamed my exhaustion and the stress of what we'd been through and ordered me to take some leave. It was good advice, but I didn't want to hear it at the time.

But it had helped to get away from the roiling cauldron of accusations and innuendo that comprised the mission debriefing. Malcolm and I spent some much needed time together on the coast... he was incredibly patient with my difficult nights filled with insomnia and Xindi flashbacks. When I admitted to him that I didn't even recognize myself in the man I'd become, he simply held me in his arms and reassured me that I was still the man he loved. It's going to take some time, but with his help I'll find a way to heal.

Now Forrest wants to see me again. All I can think is 'what next?' I'll find out soon enough. Approaching his office door, I knock and then walk through it to learn my fate. I might leave here with my ship and command... or I might be promoted to a desk job... or I might face a court martial.

"Come in, Captain. At ease." I gratefully shift from a posture of rigid attention, but notice that he doesn't ask me to sit, as he has sometimes done in the past.

"I'll get to the point, Jonathan. Two points, actually. The good news is that the Vulcans have decided not to proceed with any charges in the matter of the Seleya. Your first officer made a very convincing case that there was nothing anyone could have done to save those deranged Vulcans. And Soval wants to meet with you to apologize personally."

"Thank you, sir. That's good news."

"The second point might be thornier. I've been hearing rumors, Jon, and your disappearing for a week with your Tactical Officer only added to them."

That hits me hard and unexpectedly. Max has known about my relationship with Malcolm nearly from the beginning – from a time before either of us had acknowledged our feelings to one another, though we both knew there was something between us. Although I didn't mention Malcolm by name, I'd told Max that there was something he needed to hear from me and not thru the grapevine.

It had been almost a year since the launch of Enterprise, and our missions were lasting longer and longer, each one taking us further from Earth. It had been enough time for me to confirm my belief that the old military rules about shipboard relationships weren't appropriate for long-term deep space missions. I remember that we talked for a long time that day and into the night, and in the end he agreed with me.

So when Malcolm and I did finally get together, Forrest never made an issue of it. He told me then that he relied on our discretion and trusted my ability to keep my personal life out of my command decisions. So I have to wonder, why now?

Despite my fear that I'll sound too defensive, I ask that question, prefaced by mentioning that I didn't realize I needed preapproval of my shoreleave plans, especially since he'd been the one to order me to take some time off.

He finally motions me to take a seat, and I accept gratefully. "Look, Jon... your personal life is your own, of course, as is Lieutenant Reed's. But one of my colleagues here at the Admiralty is making noise about it. He has a family connection with one of your junior officers... one who apparently has a problem with your relationship. It's none of their business either, but I can't make it go away."

There's no doubt in my mind about where this is coming from. Malcolm had mentioned to me that a member of his armoury crew was behaving oddly, making passive aggressive comments that occasionally bordered on insubordination. But Malcolm assured me that he could handle the situation and, to be honest, there were a lot of other things going on during our final weeks in the Expanse that overshadowed it. At that point, I was privately doubting that any of us would make it back alive... especially myself.

"Let me ask something, just for clarification. Is this a concern about what is perceived as inappropriate fraternization?"

Forrest shakes his head. "No, I don't think that's really it, or if it is, it's only the surface of the issue. The decision about the change in regulations was mine, but my colleagues here at Starfleet Command bought into it once they got past the whole idea of making any kind of change to timeworn military tradition.

"I'll be blunt about what it appears to be. This is about homophobia. If you were involved with a woman, I doubt anyone would have complained. Of course, they can't come out and say that directly, because that would be unlawful discrimination. So they resort to rumor and innuendo. Legally, they don't have a leg to stand on."

I'm still puzzled. "But you were concerned enough about it to call me here... what do you want from me? Are you rethinking your decision and asking me to choose between my command and my partner?"

Forrest shakes his head in an emphatic no. "I can't do that and wouldn’t want you to ever have to make that choice. I still trust that if for any reason you found that you couldn't carry out your duties independently of your relationship, you would come to me with that concern and we'd talk about options.

"I trust you, Jon. No one else would have gotten that ship and crew home to an Earth that is still here, particularly without leaving a trail of destruction and genocide. I know that it took a serious personal toll on you. If your relationship with Malcolm played any part in helping you get through that mission, then he has my deepest gratitude. You convinced me a long time ago that extended deep space missions couldn’t be subject to conditions that dehumanize the officers and crew on those voyages. And, in particular, a Captain's isolation has always been a concern."

I nod, silently mouthing my thanks for his understanding. But he's not finished.

"What would do the most for squelching the rumor mill is to be completely open about the relationship. Give them nothing to whisper about. You've tried discretion. Maybe it's time for a change of strategy. I know you well enough to know you aren't interested in one-night stands or casual sex. You wouldn't have risked a career for that. Malcolm is important to you. Have you considered just getting married?"

I am very, very seldom at a loss for words. But right now, I have no idea what to say. I certainly can't share details of things Malcolm and I have discussed privately. Marriage among them. So I try to steer a tight course.

"Yes, we've talked about it. But the time never felt right."

I pause, thinking back on the personal horror that was the Expanse and about my recent week alone with Malcolm, fully aware of how much I need him and of how much he does to help me keep myself together.

So I venture to continue. “Maybe now is the right time. I can't say more than that without talking with Malcolm. But, in the event that he's agreeable and we decide that it is what's right for us, there are still a few details to work out."

Forrest looks at me, curious, so I forge ahead.

"Neither of us would want to make a public spectacle of it, but I can't imagine not exchanging our vows in the presence of friends and family. Would you be willing to do the honors, Max?"

Smiling, he gets up and moves to my side of his desk, and I stand as well. He takes my hand, clasping it warmly. "I once promised your father I'd look after his son in Starfleet. I think Henry Archer would be very pleased to see me do that. It would be my great pleasure to officiate, Jonathan."

I still don't know what to say, beyond thank you, which seems inadequate.

"Take you time, both of you. I'll be here if you decide it's what you want. But you never know when Enterprise will have to ship out again, so don't wait too long."

He doesn't have to add that life itself is precarious – we've learned that firsthand. "We'll get back to you. But I do have one question. How do you feel about Porthos as a ring-bearer?"

He smiles again and claps me on the back. "I approved him as your companion twice already. Why would this be any different? Just so long as you have some human witnesses to make it official."

"That shouldn't be a problem. And thank you again, from both of us."

When his office door closes behind me, the walk back down the corridor feels very much shorter.

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