Title: Queen's Reputation
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Author: Apache Firecat
Characters: Xander/Cordelia, Xander/Willow
Rating: PG-13/T
Summary: She doesn't miss him. She certainly doesn't care about him. And there's no reason she should notice when he's missing, or hurt.
Word Count: 1,536
Written For: Fan FlashWorks 473. Taking Turns and 100Ships 60. Slate
Date Written: 15 March 2025
Warnings: Mentions domestic abuse and refers to non-con and dubious con
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.






She hated his face, or so she told herself every time she had to face him. There was NO reason at all why a boy like Alexander Lavelle Harris should have gotten underneath the skin of a woman like herself! She was so far above him that he had been lucky when she'd allowed him to kiss her feet!

Yet she was the one still hurting from their break-up, and not just because the stupid boy had chosen the absolute geekiest girl in the entire school to make out with behind Cordelia's back. Willow should pay for what she did -- and she would one day. These halls were Cordelia's to rule. This town was hers, despite what people had tried to make her think not too long ago. Harmony had thought she could turn Cordelia's upset into her triumph, but she'd learned quickly enough how wrong she had been. Just as Cordelia herself had learned how wrong she'd been to believe she could have friends, or more.

Her mother had warned her, and she wasn't the only one. Cordelia watched the women, and men too, in her social circles. She knew love was a fairy tale and friends only attached themselves to a richer or more powerful person to gain improvements for themselves -- and Cordelia was both. She'd grown up early and fast, learning the ways of a woman long before this school had had to. That's what happened when you kept your entire family swept up in powerful circles the way her father had. She'd been touched by more than one man, -- but she'd never been touched like Xander Harris had touched her.

She should have known better than to try to think she didn't have to put out with him. All guys wanted one thing -- okay, so some did want more than one thing, but they all wanted sex. And she clearly hadn't put out often enough to keep Harris interested, whereas the little bitch Rosenberg had. Of course, her Sears-clad legs would have been open -- she was desperate to get any man. She'd had a rocker boyfriend, but he hadn't been enough for her. Oh, no, she'd had to go steal Cordelia's behind her back.

But Xander wasn't a man, Cordelia reminded herself yet again. He was a boy. A lonely, miserable, immature, ugly boy. And he was poor to boot! He'd never had a thing to offer her! So why was she having such a problem moving on? He'd meant nothing to her, been nothing more than a toy to entertain her while she waited on a bigger, more powerful, richer specimen to come along.

Only that wasn't true. Perhaps it was in the beginning, but it had quickly moved beyond that. Somehow, Xander had wiggled like a worm underneath her apple's perfect, crisp, and shiny red skin. And he'd tried his best to make her just as rotten as he was! She'd gone from seeing his lies and weaknesses during their first interactions to believing his lies when she'd needed the most to recognize them and even thinking his weaknesses were cute and sweet.

No grown man should ever be so afraid of his own father! But then Cordelia understood why Xander was afraid of him. She'd held him many times in his own backyard when he'd acted like he just wanted to camp out underneath the stars with her. They'd both heard his parents' yells, and his mother's subsequent screams. She'd felt Xander flinch so many times and had always pretended like she was unaware of what he was doing, the tears from his sorrowful eyes that were soaking the fine silk of her blouses, when he'd buried his face into her hair.

She could still feel his face in her hair, his lips so close to her neck, his entire being trembling not with desire but with sorrow... She was a sucker, Cordelia thought, pushing open the door to homeroom. She strolled in fashionably late as usual, with her posse behind her, and tried not to notice how strikingly vacant his chair was. Buffy and Willow were in theirs, which clearly meant he wasn't there because of any "Vampire thing". But he wasn't there --

And then she heard his harsh, rapid breathing behind her. "Geez! Breathe a little harder, will you?" she snapped, barely ceasing from flinging herself into her own seat. She forced down the heat rising through her collar bone as she went on to say, "Forget to dunk yourself in your dog's water bowl this morning, Xander? We can all tell." She smirked at him from behind the hand she waved in front of her nose.

The friends who had returned to her, or at least the friends who claimed to have returned, laughed. She knew the truth though. They'd all go running back to Harmony the moment Harm had more to offer them. That was the way this world worked. It had always been the way this world worked; she knew so not only from her own childhood experiences but the tales from her mother's childhood, and her mother's before her, and her mother's before her...

Xander smirked. "Very funny, Cordelia -- " he started to say but it was as just that time the final bell rang and their teacher's nasal voice rasped out over their conversation, demanding everybody to take their seats.

Xander slid into his, and that should have been it. It should have been it, but Cordelia found herself stealing a glance over at the boy with whom she had once enjoyed taking turns trading insults. It had become a game of sorts for them, meant to keep people from discovering their true feelings for one another, but only she was playing it now. She had to hide her true feelings behind whatever barbs she could muster, especially with him. She saw the way he whispered and laughed with Willow and Buffy, the way those bitches made his dark eyes light up in ways she never had -- and she saw the black mark swelling one of his eyes. He hadn't gotten away last night, she thought, trying to ignore the sharp pang in her own heart. He hadn't escaped his father's fists in time, or perhaps he'd stepped in again between him and his mother. Why the woman didn't just leave him --

But Cordelia knew why, she thought, forcing herself to refrain from slinking further down into her seat. She was the star in this room; all eyes should be on her! And all eyes were on her, like sharks in a never-ending, churning sea, each waiting for their own chance to draw more blood and, thereby, more power. She couldn't break. She could never break again.

And she absolutely could not, under any circumstances whatsoever, let anyone know she still cared about Xander Harris! Especially Xander! She could have gotten him away from his parents. She could have taken him with her into a bigger and better world, into a social circle where, despite all its flaws, everything was better and offered more riches, more power, and more opportunities for all its members. She could have did more than make a man out of him, if he had only allowed her to. She could have saved him.

But he had made his bed with the redheaded bitch currently laughing at his classless jokes. He had chosen his path, and she had returned to hers. She'd never make the same mistake again. She'd never fall for another loser again. She would let others between her legs, into her arms and perhaps even her heart, but she'd never love another guy again, not like she had loved Xander Harris.

She smirked at him again as the bell rang once more and they all moved to leave. "Going Goth, Xander? Didn't you forget the cloth for that eyepatch? Oh, wait, that's your actual eye, isn't it? What did you do? Stab yourself with Mister Pointy?"

That got all her posse laughing for none of them knew what Mister Pointy really was. But she saw the pain flash in Xander's eyes. She saw the heat rise in Willows' face, her smile vanishing, and even Buffy look extremely uncomfortable. She faced them all with a triumphant smile and a regal toss of her dark mane. She'd set the slate clear and, as she turned on her high heels and led her posse out of the classroom, she knew none of them, least of Xander, would ever guess how worried she'd been when she'd first seen his empty seat.

She'd thought, for one frightening second, that perhaps he'd not made it through last night's fights with the Vamps. She'd never admit it, but she worried for him every night. But he'd chosen his life. He'd chosen to stay aligned with the Slayer and the rest of her little group. He'd chosen to stay whimpering in his father's backyard. He'd even chosen to fuck Willow behind her back. Yeah, he deserved everything the Vamps and his father gave him, and she would not feel sorry for him ever again. She was Cordelia Chase, after all, and she had a reputation to uphold.



The End