Title: Crimes against fashion
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Kathy Swanson, Jack
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 616 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 470 - Bright
Summary: Ianto’s helpful information on prevailing conditions has led to rather embarrassing results.



Ianto was surprised to feel his phone buzzing in his pocket. The team had only just left to investigate a rift alert so if they'd needed to get in touch with him he expected they'd just reach him on his comms earpiece.

'Hello?' He said answering the voice with an air of anticipation rather than curiosity. 'Jones?' Ianto tried to place the voice then pulled the phone away from his ear to check the caller ID. 'Detective Swanson. It's nice to hear from you.'

'It really isn't,' she said, though not as impolitely as she might have done if she'd been speaking to Jack. She and Ianto hadd something of a mutual understanding that they had jobs to do and bosses above them that roasted them if they didn't do their jobs. There was also a mutual acceptance that they were equally stuck between a rock and a hard place, almost on a regular basis.

'No, you're probably right,' he replied, maintaining the running joke where they pretended to hate each other. He tapped the keys on his computer and made a slightly surprised sound. 'Oh, I see you're the investigating officer at a scene in Castle Street. The team were just heading out there and should be arriving any minute now. Sorry,' he apologised, knowing it would be Torchwood taking over the scene in their usual self Important fashion which left more socially sensitive types like Ianto feeling a bit awkward about the whole thing. He appreciated the need to secure the scene and keep people safe but there were ways of going about it diplomatically. Jack rarely had time for the diplomatic approach.

'They're already here,' Kathy replied. 'Why else would I be calling you?'

'Problem?' Ianto asked, certain there would be numerous.

'They're all wearing sunglasses. They look utterly ridiculous.'

Before he could defend his teammates his phone pinged with a photo taken from the scene. Somehow Kathy had managed to get all four of them in the shot, boasting their shades, which did indeed look ridiculous, and doubly so in Jack's case which clashed with the heavy greatcoat, as if he was in two minds about whether it was summer or winter. It's not that sunny, the detective carried on. 'Who do they think they are, the men in black?'

'You've got a point,' Ianto said, feeling embarrassed on their behalf. 'They asked me what the forecast was and I told them to expect bright sunny spells, but that's just overkill.' No one in Cardiff needed sunglasses. Full stop. They only had five days of sunshine a year and even then it was weak sunshine at best. They're was more chance of being blinded by the lights inside the chip shops on Caroline Street on a Saturday night. 'I'm so sorry,' Ianto repeated. 'I don't know what they were thinking.' Of course he had a reasonable idea. Jack was always the ringleader in these matters. He probably thought he looked cool, which was the complete antithesis of actually looking cool. He should have just stuck to the enigmatic coat flapping.

'I do worry about this city being in the hands of you people,' Kathy said.

'They're much better at their jobs than they are their dress sense,' Ianto assured her.

He waited for a dry cynical reply but all he heard was a muffled exchange and then a sharp and distinct voice came on the line. 'Ianto, are you holding up the lovely detective from moving her team out of our way? We've got a job to do here and they're cramping our style.' Ianto found the choice of words strangely ironic.

'Of course not, sir. We were merely discussing the weather.'