Buck sighed as he looked at his apartment. He had been looking forward to the movie that night. He hated that it was going to be a while before he was ready for anything else. He knew he had fucked up. He knew the moment that Tommy's eyes had started to become shuttered, but he hadn't been able to stop himself. He kept thinking that Tommy would calm down.

He groaned and then got up, rushing for the door. He wasn't going to let Tommy go that quickly. He wasn't going to be like that. He was going to get his man back. He rushed to the door, fumbled it open, and took off for the stairs. He made it outside before Tommy got to his truck and leaned against the driver's door, catching his breath. He inhaled and exhaled, feeling like he was high from the run.

"Buck," Tommy said a moment later.

"Evan, it's fucking Evan," Buck said as he turned around to face Tommy.

"Don't make this harder than it has to be."

"No, I think I will make it as hard as it has to be. I let too many go without fighting for them. I am not losing you. I don't care if we have to go to couples therapy. You and I are going to talk about your need to run away, and I'm going to talk about my need to rush into things and overcorrect. I should have started any part of that with I love you. Three simple words. I've only told one other person who I was dating, and I think I was in love with her, but I feel like I can live without you. I feel like seeing your heart breaking like it did a few moments ago was going to kill me."

"Evan, please, let me go," Tommy said.

"No, you are going to have to face me again and tell me that you don't love me."

"You don't know me."

"I know the part of you that you showed me. If you hide parts of yourself, then that's on you for not letting me see them. I've seen you when you are being a bitchy asshole. I've heard your opinions on a lot of things that don't make me scared to tell you that I love you. I jumped the gun, yet, but that doesn't mean what I feel is any less than the truth."

"I'm your first."

"Yeah, my first boyfriend, but not my first relationship by any stretch. Are there enough couples out there that don't last when they are the firsts? Yes, but there are a lot of others that do make it to death with their relationship or first marriage. I can't even think about what I would want if it weren't for you, but I know we change. We can't help if we grow apart, but we can fight for it. Tommy, fight for me."

Tommy looked away from him. His eyes were shiny, and a few small tears were escaping down his face. Buck took a chance, stepping up to Tommy and cupping his cheeks, forcing Tommy to look at him.

"Let me go," Tommy said.

"No, you'll have to break my hold. I know you can. If you can tell me with a straight face that you don't love me, I'll let you go. I'll never darken your doorstep again."

"Dammit," Tommy said a moment later, then he was pushing Buck back into the truck, kissing him like he was drowning man, and Buck was the only oxygen around.

Buck held onto him and gave in to the kiss. He could feel the cold metal at his back.

"We have to talk," Tommy said.

"Hmm, we do. Let's talk with our bodies first."

Tommy trailed his hands down Buck's body and gripped his ass to lift him up. Buck got with the program and let Tommy lift him up.

The trip to the loft was slow as hell because they couldn't stop kissing. Buck knew they needed to talk, but he didn't want to be apart from Tommy. He knew that Tommy thought he was in control, but once they were on the bed, Buck would make him regret this whole thing.

The loft door was slammed shut, and Buck hoped no one came to complain because he was going to answer the door in whatever state of undress he was in when the knock came.

Tommy only dropped Buck to his feet when they were ready to go up the stairs. Given how long Tommy had already been holding him, there was no way they were getting up the stairs. They both got their shoes off, and that left them staring at each other, panting hard like they had just completed a training course at the academy.

Buck grinned at Tommy and started to strip before he turned and fled up the stairs, making Tommy chase him. Buck was naked by the time he turned at the foot of the bed to wait for Tommy to get up the stairs as well. Tommy crested the stairs, and all he had left was his shirt. He stripped that off and then bore Buck down onto the bed. Buck let Tommy keep him like that for a few minutes before he rolled them, putting Tommy on his back and getting between his legs.

Tommy groaned as their cocks rocked together. Buck caught his hands when he tried to touch Buck, and he pressed them into the bed above Tommy's hands.

"Mine. You are the one that tried to run; I'm going to make you feel it."

Tommy's eyes darkened in lust, and he parted his lips, exhaling as his body tightened up in anticipation of it.

"Stay."

Tommy didn't move when Buck let go of his hands and then reached over for the lube. He slicked his cock. He made sure there was more than enough lube before he pressed inside of Tommy with two to make sure he was lubed up.

"I'm going to make you feel this all night long. That I was inside of you after you tried to run."

Tommy moved, getting his legs spread and wrapped around Buck's waist. He said nothing as Buck held his cock and started to press into him. Buck knew the limits of what Tommy could take, and Tommy was always up for this kind of thing to teach him out on Buck's cock. Tommy was thicker than him by a little, but Buck had a length that Tommy didn't have. They both had big cocks, just in different ways.

Buck loved the feel of Tommy opening up for him.

"You tried to act like you wouldn't miss this for the rest of your life."

"Evan," Tommy finally said, sounding like it was being clawed out of the depths of his soul. He groaned, and his body opened up the rest of the way, letting Buck inside all the way.

Buck had to inhale as he tried not to come from that opening up Tommy. It was always so sudden, and he felt like Tommy was letting him in all the way.

"Make love to me, Evan," Tommy said.

Buck surged up and kissed him, rocking their bodies together to the rhythm he set with his mouth, and Tommy touched. He touched all over Buck, gripping his ass to get him that little bit deeper.

This was wholly different than any other time they had sex. It was like the walls were finally coming down, and Tommy was letting him in. He hoped that it was true. Was this what it took? The fear of losing Buck and having to face a world without him.

"I regretted it as soon as I was in the elevator, but I felt like I couldn't go back."

"You can always come back to me. I would rather have you come back to me than leave forever. I love you." Buck got his hands on Tommy's legs, and he got them up to where Buck could get deeper inside of him. Tommy groaned, but he shook his head and pushed at Buck.

The room only had the light from downstairs light it up, so it put shadows in new places.

Tommy carefully pulled off Buck's cock, and he moved, putting himself on his side. Buck moved, getting the blankets moved around to keep himself a little warm as he slotted behind Tommy. He carefully entered him again, then lifted Tommy's leg to get the access they both wanted out of this. Buck loved it when Tommy was like this with him. Tommy could get so deep inside of him that it felt like he was going to push fully inside him and make Buck taste his cock.

"Like this?" Buck asked as he used the hand on Tommy's leg to pull him back into him as he got to rocking.

"Yes." Tommy hissed in pleasure, and he got his arm under the pillow, letting Buck have him how Tommy wanted to be had. It was pleasure, pure and simple, feeling Buck wrapped around him.

Buck shifted his grip to Tommy's hip and used it, leaving bruises where he gripped him so hard. Buck loved seeing those bruises on Tommy's skin.

Tommy was the first to come, and Buck followed behind him by a few thrusts. He just slumped there, feeling his cock softening inside of Tommy but not caring at all. He groaned when Tommy tightened his ass around him and rocked a little like Tommy wanted more.

"Later," Buck said, but he didn't let go of Tommy. He could get hard again if he wanted. He didn't feel like it should be that kind of night.

"Hmm," Tommy said.

"Dinner?" Buck asked.

"Pizza in bed after the shower."

"Okay, I think I can support that. I have a few that we can pop in the oven."

"The store-bought stuff?"

"No, I made my own with a frozen crust that is pretty good. I just put the topping on it and then froze the whole thing. Years ago, when I would have bad days, I found it was good for me, and it was healthier than what I was ordering. It's low-effort food because I've already put the effort in."

"That sounds good. I can support it. Do you think we have to move to get it soon?"

"No, we can stay like this for a while if you want. We don't have to do a thing we don't want to do."

"Good, because I want to have this for a little while longer." Tommy lifted Buck's hand from his hip and wrapped it around him. He settled in like that, with his arms around himself. It felt good.

"I'm sorry," Buck said.

"I'm worried too. I don't want to dwell on this. I don't want to feel like I'm always saying I'm sorry for everything I've ever done wrong. It was like that growing up. My mistakes were thrown into my face all the time."

"That's why you never brought up the date and me shoving you back into the closet again."

"Forgive and forget is hard, but I do try to forgive. I won't forget because I'm not going to let someone make the same mistake over and over again, but you aren't doing that. You are right that you just make new ones. I'm not going to push that you need to do something different. Just...let's slow down a little bit. I forgot I needed to set the pace a little when you moved too fast."

"Of course, it's a give and take. My lease is up in five months. I want to put that out there because it's a year lease."

"And if I want to live with you inside of the next seventeen months, I need to decide in four."

"Yes."

"Okay. We can talk of living together for four months from now." Tommy sounded happy about that. His body tensed a little, and then he sighed a little bit. "And do you think you want to have that heavy talk when we wake up?"

"Sure. I'd have it now, but I want to hold you like this, and I would rather see your face when we talk."

"I'd like that too."

"How are you feeling?" Buck squeezed Tommy a little tight before he let his hands finally release the death grip that he had on Tommy. His arms stayed where they were, but the rest of him finally relaxed, not clinging like he was afraid that Tommy would run away.

"Raw in a way I never have with anyone else. Afraid, so afraid of losing you. I know that I'm older than you, but you've talked about Abby before. I'm at least younger than her."

"I needed her, like I said. She broke me in many ways but taught me so much about who I was. I'm not sure I would be the man I am without her. You changed me in different ways because I have been myself with you. You don't mind my spirals and try to rein me in, but you don't force it like others have."

"I love who you are, and I'll start to let you see the bad sides of me more."

"You are not your father," Buck said.

"No, I'm not, but it's hard to shake. He was a good man before he married Mom, according to her."

"You know enough about domestic abuse to know that he was luring her in."

Tommy drew up Buck's hand to kiss it. Then he just breathed against it.

Buck let him have the license to reframe his mind. Tommy was smart enough to know what his father was really like and that it started before the marriage, just like Doug had only been a little bad before the marriage. The signs that Doug had were not going to be caught when it came to how women were treated when Tommy's father and mother were dating.

This was going to take a while. Tommy was confident, and it seemed outside of his own relationships like that. Buck was happy that Tommy was showing him how different things might be between them. He didn't think there was going to be anything that would make him run for the hills because he knew who Tommy was. The side of him that he showed on occasion was just bigger than he thought.

"We can do it together," Buck said.

"Together."

The End