Title: All day parking
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 970 words
Content notes: None
Author notes: Written for Challenge 423 - Amnesty using Challenge 306 - Moon
Summary: Torchwood has a new spaceship and Jack knows the perfect place to store it.



‘Alright, I've done a thorough examination of our latest find and am pleased to say she's in full working order.’ Jack looked pleased with himself, as he usually did when he had the perfect excuse to go and tinker with spaceship engines. ‘In fact she's practically new. A few little dings and scratches from her trip through the rift but otherwise she could have just rolled off the showroom floor.’

He beamed at Owen and Ianto who we're the only ones around to hear the news, and possibly the only ones who might care about things like torque and and hydrogen fuel cell depletion per parsec. Even Tosh was all about the high end tech, with only a vague, passing interest in spaceship mechanics.

Ianto tossed a small towel in Jack's direction and he wiped his face with it, taking it as a sign that he once again had grease marks on his face. ‘So, who's up for a joy ride?’

‘We do have work to do, you know,’ Owen replied. ‘Remember that stuff you were barking about three days ago?’

‘Shouldn't you have finished that three days ago?’

‘Good in theory, except we were still working on finishing the stuff that was overdue from three days before that. It’s the kind of catch-22 that only Torchwood can provide.’

Ianto pointed a finger at his left cheekbone, indicating Jack should scrub that particular spot a little harder. ‘We don't all have the luxury of dropping everything when someone drops an empty spaceship through the rift,’ he added, bearing the brunt of Jack's absence in having to take all his phone calls and apologise to most that they hadn't been returned as requested.

Jack tossed the used towel back at Ianto. ‘Priorities,’ he said, as if that absolved him of his responsibilities as their leader. ‘If the world was ending you know I'd be there.’

‘I'll make sure to relay that sentiment to the PM next time he calls.’

‘So, no one has taken me up on my offer yet,’ Jack said, sounding disappointed by the lack of enthusiasm.

‘No thanks,’ Owen replied. ‘I'm perfectly happy staying down here where my chances of dying are significantly lessened.’

Jack rolled his eyes. ‘Space travel is totally safe.’

‘You keep telling yourself that Mister Can't Die.’

Jack turned his attention to his other teammate. ‘Ianto? Joy ride? I'll let you hold my joystick,’ he said, giving his lover a salacious grin. ‘Twiddle with my controls? Set me on overdrive?’

Ianto didn’t let himself be baited by Jack’s double entendres. ‘I get travel sick.’

‘There's inertial dampeners. You can't get travel sick.’

‘You forget that I've shared a car with you. I know how you like to drive.’

Jack set his hands on his hips. ‘C'mon you two party poopers, it's not like I don't have to take her up anyway.’

‘And why would you be doing that?’

‘Well, as much as I'd love to take over the whole of the Millennium Centre car park, we can't house it down here. Gotta go stick it up on the moon with the rest of our classic collection.’

‘You can't just keep dumping things up there,’ Ianto chastised. ‘It's not a used car lot.’

‘It kind of is,’ Owen countered.

‘That doesn't make it right.’

There was a heaved sigh from Jack. ‘It's the moon, Ianto, he replied. It's huge. We've borrowed like point zero zero zero two percent of it.’

‘Not like anyone else is using it,’ Owen added. ‘I’ve got an old sofa I wouldn't mind losing somewhere I didn’t have to pay to store it.’

Ianto looked put out by their nonchalance. ‘But what about all the moon missions and the unmanned rovers going up there to take samples and transmit back images. The Americans, the Russians, the Chinese… Hell, even the Indian government have a space program these days and most of their population don't even own cars.’

Jack shrugged it off as if it were of no real consequence. ‘So we have to retcon a few astronauts and wipe out a few moon rovers,’ he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. ‘It's not like it's a big deal.’

‘And you wonder why people treat the man landing on the moon as a conspiracy theory.’

‘Like it matters. I’ve been up there loads of times. Haven't even talked about the Martian wars of 600 BC. The entire history of moon landings is already wrong. Plus, we're parking them on the dark side of the moon as it is. No one is gonna see them.’

Ianto scowled. ‘Except NASA who just announced a full study of the unexplored regions of the moon in last week's paper. Not that you'd have read it. You're only after the comic pages and the horoscopes.’

Jack brushed past him on his way back to his office. ‘And it means you don't have to share the rest of the paper over breakfast, so stop your complaining. Now, are you coming up with me or not? Last offer. One trip to the moon and back.’

Ianto gave a worried glance at Jack's wrist. ‘We don't have to come back using your wrist strap do we?’

Jack rolled his eyes. ‘Uh, yeah. Duh. I mean how else do you fly a spaceship up to the moon and park it there without bringing it back?’

‘That's just moon dumping 101,’ Owen said, grinning.

‘Promise I'll make it worth your while,’ Jack said.

Ianto raised a curiously naughty eyebrow at him. ‘Mile high club?’

Jack returned the expression. ‘A bit more than mile high. Ever done it in zero gravity?’

Owen shoved his fingers in his ears. ‘Save me the details of your flight plan. You can bloody well stay up there if you're going to carry on like that.’