Title: Summoning Up Courage (Or, Five Times Remus Lupin Asked For Something)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: Teen
Content Notes: Offscreen Major Character Death
Artist Notes: Part of my Snakes and Lions AU, where Lily and Snape reconcile while being taught magic beyond the usual curriculum by Methos (the AU is a crossover with Highlander, though the crossover element does not come into this particular story).
Summary: Five times Remus has the courage to ask someone for something he wants or needs.
Age 11, his parents
Remus had listened from behind the door to Dumbledore talking to his parents, telling them everything he could do to accommodate Remus at Hogwarts. That he would allow Remus to come to Hogwarts, and he would keep the secret, and that's more than Remus could have imagined. More than he dared to imagine.
"Can I go?" He can see the surprise on his parents' faces, though he doesn't know why they're surprised. It's him they're talking about, and of course he would listen to the conversation even if they told him to leave the room. "Please, can I go?"
He wants this so much, the chance to learn magic, to be a part of the world, even if they don't think he should be. He's afraid, too, that he won't be allowed, that he will be told no, either by his parents now or by others later, but he still wants it so badly.
There is silence for a long moment, his parents looking at each other, as if talking without words, before his mother speaks, her voice quiet as it had been while talking to Dumbledore. Professor Dumbledore.
"Yes, Remus. You can go."
Age 15, Sirius Black
"Will you go away?" Remus turns his head into the pillow, ignoring the pleading expression on Sirius's face. He doesn't know if he can look at Sirius without wanting to punch him right now. All he's worked for, very nearly gone forever because his so-called best mate thought sending Snape to the Shrieking Shack on the full moon was a prank.
"Moony...."
"No, Sirius." Remus isn't so angry he'll use Sirius's surname by itself, but he's very nearly so. Certainly he isn't going to use the nickname that he has for the last year. "Go away. Leave me alone."
There's silence, with a somewhat stunned quality about it, for a long moment before Remus can hear Sirius start to walk away. He can imagine the slumped shoulders, the confused expression, but he doesn't care right now. This is his life that Sirius nearly destroyed, and he can't forgive Sirius for that yet. Not nearly yet.
Age 17, Lily Evans
He's watched them for a year and a half, and it's taken him this long to knock on the door of the classroom they've used for meeting. Now, he's not sure he can get any words out past his dry throat, even though he knows if he doesn't, Snape will assume the worst, and he'll probably end up hexed into the hospital wing, if not right into a shallow grave.
"Lily." He manages that, though it sounds somewhat strangled, and he swallows, watching the Head Girl for a long moment. "Iwantedtolearnwhatyouvebeenlearning." It comes out in a rush, and Remus feels his face heat as he draws in a careful breath, trying to slow himself down this time.
"What?" Lily is watching him warily, her fingers curled tightly around her wand. She doesn't really trust him not to have brought Sirius and James and Peter with him, he's sure, but as far as he knows, they're still in the common room. Without the Map, because it's in his pocket as always when he comes to this door.
"I wanted to ask if you had learned anything to help keep a werewolf in check, and if you could teach me." Remus wants desperately to find a way to keep his friends - and the world - safe from what he becomes once a month, without destroying himself in the process.
He can see Snape's expression, the skepticism and the disgust and the underlying fear, but tries to keep his attention focused on Lily. He's appealing to her, not to Snape, even though he's fairly certain that if Snape is too opposed to helping him, she'll turn him away. Snape was her friend first, and longest, not Remus.
"Nothing I've learned would help you on the full moon, only kill you." Lily pauses, and reaches out to grab his shoulder before he has a chance to turn away. "But if you want to learn what we've been learning, I'll talk to Severus about letting you practice with us. You have to listen to us both, but I think you can manage that?"
Remus smiles, and nods. He can live with a lot in order to learn and to have friends he can trust with everything, not just his friendship. Sirius and James are great mates, but this will be different, Remus is certain.
"Thank you." He looks past Lily to Snape, and nods, including him in the thanks, which seems to surprise Snape.
He leaves once Lily lets go of his shoulder, knowing that staying around won't help his case. All he can do now is wait.
Age 20, Severus Snape
"Help me find them." It's not couched as a request, but it is one. Remus knows he shouldn't be asking Severus to leave Lily alone with the baby, but right now, Severus is the only one Remus can ask for help. Sirius and James are missing, and Peter is dead - even if Remus could have stopped Moody from killing the rat, he wouldn't have. Not knowing what Peter had done. "Please."
Severus is watching him with an expression Remus can't read, though he can smell the underlying mix of fear, confusion, and annoyance. There is silence for a long moment, before Severus nods.
"Only because you asked." Severus has to make it clear he isn't doing this for Sirius or James, only for Remus, but Remus doesn't care why Severus is doing so, only that he is. Because Remus can't trust anyone else with this, or with the sort of magic he's willing to use to find his friends.
"Thank you."
Age 37, Andromeda Tonks
"I don't even know where to start, and you're the only person I can ask." Remus watches the witch sitting across from him in the private dining room he'd asked for at the Three Broomsticks, parchment strewn across the table between them.
Sirius had always spoken of Andromeda as his favorite cousin, of his only cousin with any sense. Remus wonders why Sirius hadn't left the entirety of his fortune to her, but the will had split it between Remus and Lily, since James had his own comfortable fortune, and a family to leave it to. Sirius never had wanted to have that, himself.
"The house is useless to me, and I know Sirius has ignored it since his mother died, so it's been moldering for nearly twelve years, and who knows what's in it. I might want some of the books, but I'm not even certain about them. And the house-elf... I don't even know what to do with him, at all."
It's not as if they need a house-elf at the cottage - Remus is perfectly content with how they split the cleaning between the five of them during holidays, and hiring someone to come in once a week during the school year when he's alone in the house. And Kreatcher has always been a little strange.
"I'm willing to buy it, if you're suggesting to sell it to me." Andromeda doesn't look very happy about the idea, but she's willing to take it off his hands, at least.
"Actually, I was going to ask you to help me clean out anything that might be best kept in the family, and sort the books, before I offered it for sale in the Daily Prophet. Make sure it's suitable for someone to raise a family in, if they wanted to." Remus can't ask Severus or Lily, they both have much of the year tied up at Hogwarts, and he can't ask James when James has a family and a job of his own to deal with - and all of them are caught up in the renewed war against Voldemort. A war which has cost them Sirius.
Andromeda smiles now, and chuckles. "I can certainly do that, and I'd rather not have that drafty old place if I can avoid it."
"Thank you." Remus lets out a small sigh of relief, smiling himself. "Thank you."
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: Teen
Content Notes: Offscreen Major Character Death
Artist Notes: Part of my Snakes and Lions AU, where Lily and Snape reconcile while being taught magic beyond the usual curriculum by Methos (the AU is a crossover with Highlander, though the crossover element does not come into this particular story).
Summary: Five times Remus has the courage to ask someone for something he wants or needs.
Age 11, his parents
Remus had listened from behind the door to Dumbledore talking to his parents, telling them everything he could do to accommodate Remus at Hogwarts. That he would allow Remus to come to Hogwarts, and he would keep the secret, and that's more than Remus could have imagined. More than he dared to imagine.
"Can I go?" He can see the surprise on his parents' faces, though he doesn't know why they're surprised. It's him they're talking about, and of course he would listen to the conversation even if they told him to leave the room. "Please, can I go?"
He wants this so much, the chance to learn magic, to be a part of the world, even if they don't think he should be. He's afraid, too, that he won't be allowed, that he will be told no, either by his parents now or by others later, but he still wants it so badly.
There is silence for a long moment, his parents looking at each other, as if talking without words, before his mother speaks, her voice quiet as it had been while talking to Dumbledore. Professor Dumbledore.
"Yes, Remus. You can go."
Age 15, Sirius Black
"Will you go away?" Remus turns his head into the pillow, ignoring the pleading expression on Sirius's face. He doesn't know if he can look at Sirius without wanting to punch him right now. All he's worked for, very nearly gone forever because his so-called best mate thought sending Snape to the Shrieking Shack on the full moon was a prank.
"Moony...."
"No, Sirius." Remus isn't so angry he'll use Sirius's surname by itself, but he's very nearly so. Certainly he isn't going to use the nickname that he has for the last year. "Go away. Leave me alone."
There's silence, with a somewhat stunned quality about it, for a long moment before Remus can hear Sirius start to walk away. He can imagine the slumped shoulders, the confused expression, but he doesn't care right now. This is his life that Sirius nearly destroyed, and he can't forgive Sirius for that yet. Not nearly yet.
Age 17, Lily Evans
He's watched them for a year and a half, and it's taken him this long to knock on the door of the classroom they've used for meeting. Now, he's not sure he can get any words out past his dry throat, even though he knows if he doesn't, Snape will assume the worst, and he'll probably end up hexed into the hospital wing, if not right into a shallow grave.
"Lily." He manages that, though it sounds somewhat strangled, and he swallows, watching the Head Girl for a long moment. "Iwantedtolearnwhatyouvebeenlearning." It comes out in a rush, and Remus feels his face heat as he draws in a careful breath, trying to slow himself down this time.
"What?" Lily is watching him warily, her fingers curled tightly around her wand. She doesn't really trust him not to have brought Sirius and James and Peter with him, he's sure, but as far as he knows, they're still in the common room. Without the Map, because it's in his pocket as always when he comes to this door.
"I wanted to ask if you had learned anything to help keep a werewolf in check, and if you could teach me." Remus wants desperately to find a way to keep his friends - and the world - safe from what he becomes once a month, without destroying himself in the process.
He can see Snape's expression, the skepticism and the disgust and the underlying fear, but tries to keep his attention focused on Lily. He's appealing to her, not to Snape, even though he's fairly certain that if Snape is too opposed to helping him, she'll turn him away. Snape was her friend first, and longest, not Remus.
"Nothing I've learned would help you on the full moon, only kill you." Lily pauses, and reaches out to grab his shoulder before he has a chance to turn away. "But if you want to learn what we've been learning, I'll talk to Severus about letting you practice with us. You have to listen to us both, but I think you can manage that?"
Remus smiles, and nods. He can live with a lot in order to learn and to have friends he can trust with everything, not just his friendship. Sirius and James are great mates, but this will be different, Remus is certain.
"Thank you." He looks past Lily to Snape, and nods, including him in the thanks, which seems to surprise Snape.
He leaves once Lily lets go of his shoulder, knowing that staying around won't help his case. All he can do now is wait.
Age 20, Severus Snape
"Help me find them." It's not couched as a request, but it is one. Remus knows he shouldn't be asking Severus to leave Lily alone with the baby, but right now, Severus is the only one Remus can ask for help. Sirius and James are missing, and Peter is dead - even if Remus could have stopped Moody from killing the rat, he wouldn't have. Not knowing what Peter had done. "Please."
Severus is watching him with an expression Remus can't read, though he can smell the underlying mix of fear, confusion, and annoyance. There is silence for a long moment, before Severus nods.
"Only because you asked." Severus has to make it clear he isn't doing this for Sirius or James, only for Remus, but Remus doesn't care why Severus is doing so, only that he is. Because Remus can't trust anyone else with this, or with the sort of magic he's willing to use to find his friends.
"Thank you."
Age 37, Andromeda Tonks
"I don't even know where to start, and you're the only person I can ask." Remus watches the witch sitting across from him in the private dining room he'd asked for at the Three Broomsticks, parchment strewn across the table between them.
Sirius had always spoken of Andromeda as his favorite cousin, of his only cousin with any sense. Remus wonders why Sirius hadn't left the entirety of his fortune to her, but the will had split it between Remus and Lily, since James had his own comfortable fortune, and a family to leave it to. Sirius never had wanted to have that, himself.
"The house is useless to me, and I know Sirius has ignored it since his mother died, so it's been moldering for nearly twelve years, and who knows what's in it. I might want some of the books, but I'm not even certain about them. And the house-elf... I don't even know what to do with him, at all."
It's not as if they need a house-elf at the cottage - Remus is perfectly content with how they split the cleaning between the five of them during holidays, and hiring someone to come in once a week during the school year when he's alone in the house. And Kreatcher has always been a little strange.
"I'm willing to buy it, if you're suggesting to sell it to me." Andromeda doesn't look very happy about the idea, but she's willing to take it off his hands, at least.
"Actually, I was going to ask you to help me clean out anything that might be best kept in the family, and sort the books, before I offered it for sale in the Daily Prophet. Make sure it's suitable for someone to raise a family in, if they wanted to." Remus can't ask Severus or Lily, they both have much of the year tied up at Hogwarts, and he can't ask James when James has a family and a job of his own to deal with - and all of them are caught up in the renewed war against Voldemort. A war which has cost them Sirius.
Andromeda smiles now, and chuckles. "I can certainly do that, and I'd rather not have that drafty old place if I can avoid it."
"Thank you." Remus lets out a small sigh of relief, smiling himself. "Thank you."
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