Title: Making the Cut
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Not Chim Friendly, Not Maddie Friendly
Fandom: 9-1-1
Relationships: Eddie Diaz/Evan Buckley
Tags: 6.11-In Another Life Episode Tag, Season 6 Spoilers
Summary: In the wake of Buck waking up from the induced coma, Buck tries to cut out the issues in his life.
Word Count: 8,390
Beta: Grammarly
"Bobby's barely left you alone," Eddie said as he grabbed hold of the back of the wheelchair to take him out to the truck. Eddie wasn't sure what was going on or how Buck had talked Bobby into letting anyone take him home but him.
"He's all about the party right now, and I think he needed a little time away from me."
"Explain that."
"He told me about something May said to him. She told him that since it was me, they all understood, and when he looked confused, she said that Athena brought two kids into the relationship, and Bobby brought one."
Eddie snorted as he punched the button to get the elevator to head down. The nurse who was escorting them out caught up to him as the doors opened. She smiled at them and had everything needed for his discharge in her hands. There had been a few papers missing. After the whole blood thinner debacle, Eddie made sure that nothing was going to be forgotten.
"Well, she's not wrong on that. I mean, I was told to be nice to you by everyone because you were like a son to him. I never saw it until the first time you were hurt. You didn't even have anything that lasted, but he was just like I am when Chris is injured. At that point, I stopped trying to think of the relationship as anything other than paternal. I think it's why the lawsuit was a big shock."
I was hurting; it was the only way I could see to return. The union had done shit for Bobby right before, so I didn't trust them."
Eddie waited for the nurse to get off first before he started out of the elevator. There was nothing more strange than pushing Buck out. He remembered when they had been in this position over a year ago. That time it had been Buck pushing him out when he thought he should just walk out. He understood the whole thing, but he wasn't sure that he ever would understand it for certain injuries. Buck and his body weakness from being zapped like he was,
"Aren't you glad you have no metal in your leg?" Eddie asked.
"Please do not remind me," Buck said.
"I do have a confession as there is someone outside who wants to see you, and I think she will go away pretty easily, but even if you two broke up, you can't say there are no feelings there."
It took Buck a few seconds to register that Taylor was outside from Eddie's words, and as soon as he did, he sat up straight. Eddie hated that he could read Buck's body language so easily.
"Do you want to see her?"
"Sure. I know it must be hard to hear about it." Buck didn't seem too upset about it, so Eddie took him at his word, pushing him out the doors where the patient pick-up and drop-off was. Eddie unlocked the truck and wheeled them over. Taylor was leaning against the truck with a smile on her face. She had a tray of drinks in her hand.
"I wasn't sure what you could drink and if you had to limit caffeine, so I got one of the weir chai lattes you like. And a large latte with no sugar for Eddie." Taylor opened the truck door and dropped off two of the drinks, and then stepped back to allow Eddie to get Buck in the truck, the only point where the nurse was going to leave.
"Thanks," Buck said to the nurse when she handed over the last of the paperwork. It was tossed on the backseat where Eddie had dropped off the bag from Buck's stay and the last few flowers that hadn't been taken to his house before Buck was released.
"And thanks for the coffee," Eddie said.
"I figured that everyone needed it. When I heard the news, I wasn't told the person's name, and I worried that you had to see Eddie get hurt again. Then the age was said in the clip I heard, and I froze. I don't blame you for what happened, Buck, but I don't think I'm in a place where I can just turn off my emotions when it comes to you. I know your team hates me for hurting you, but I would like to know if you get hurt."
"I can do that," Eddie said.
"Are you sure?" Taylor looked Eddie up and down like she was assessing the kind of threat he was.
Eddie had made sure that he was never a threat to them, even after Ana and he broke up. He hadn't had to wait long before they broke up as well, or at least started to have the issues that Eddie knew would pull them apart.
"Yes, you care for him, and I think he needs more people in his life that he knows care for me."
"Well, that's good." Taylor waited for Eddie to step back before she came over and leaned in to hug Buck.
"I'll text you when I am fully up for visitors. I feel pretty good, but I have a feeling the party will be something to remember, and I've already been told I'm not allowed to live alone for a while. I haven't been able to get it out of anyone where I will be laying my head."
Eddie laughed as he wasn't sure either. The last time it had been brought up, there had been a puppy eyes fight between a pre-teen and an adult. Eddie wasn't even sure if Chris had won or not. He figured he would know by the time the party was over.
"Well, Buckley, you've just proven that you are stronger than lightning and a fire truck being tossed on you. Please don't see what else you can conquer."
"I'll try." buck held onto her a little harder before he let go.
Taylor stepped back from the truck with a smile on her face. There was a tear in her eyes that she wiped away. "If you need anything, let me know. I figure you have your phone now."
"I do. It was in the truck, so it was safe. Eddie had kept it with him so that the sounds didn't bother me too much. He would have answered you."
"I got enough information from the news, don't worry about that. I'll check in over the next few days."
Eddie walked around the truck to get in as Taylor shut the door on Buck. When Eddie pulled himself into the truck, Buck was taking a drink of Eddie's coffee before he made a face and swapped to his own.
"Forget you don't like lattes?"
"Yes. I just wanted something, but I think I'll stick to my chai, which is much better. I don't remember if they said anything about caffeine and how much I am allowed."
"The food and drink restrictions were on the sheets back there. I'll look when we get to the party, but I don't remember it being mentioned when they went over the stuff you really shouldn't be doing."
Eddie would go over everything when he had the chance because no one wanted a blood clot situation on their hands again.
"Why is the party at your place again?"
"Bad memories of parties for you at Bobby and Athena's place."
"That was so long ago."
"And yet it was the last time you were that close to death, so let us have our PTSD with it, huh?"
"How are you doing with this?"
"I am not sure yet. I've barely slept, which has made it all worse. Chris has had nightmares about the tsunami and me getting shot. Pepa wants to drug me to force me to sleep. My best friend in the world was nearly killed."
"I would do it again too."
"What?"
"It would have been Chim up there, Eddie, and he's...older."
Eddie couldn't look at Buck because of the traffic, but he wanted to glare at him. There were still so many issues around Chim and how he left LA and the issues it had brought up with Buck and never being enough.
Chim would not have survived it, Eddie was pretty sure. His heart was older, and after the whole thing with being kidnapped to be killed and revived, he was more than likely not going to come back from his system being shocked like that.
"It's just like when you went up that damned crane again, isn't it?" Eddie asked.
"Yes, and I would do that again as well. Don't tell me that you think I wouldn't."
Eddie wasn't ever going to win that argument. Bobby hadn't been able to either. Buck would be the one to cut the rope if it meant saving others. Eddie couldn't say much about it because he had been the one to cut the rope before. Eddie hadn't even been thinking of Chris at that moment, but afterward, it was all he thought about. He needed to have a bigger talk with Buck about his place in Eddie and Chris' life, but Eddie wasn't sure how to do that. He also wasn't sure it was what Buck was thinking about anymore.
Buck had changed a little, enough that Eddie wasn't sure what place he and Chris really had in his life going forward. The whole thing about sperm donation had proven that he wanted to do things on his own. He hadn't gone to any of them and asked for an opinion until he was sure he knew what he was doing. Eddie liked that, and despite everyone being upset that he did it when they all told him not to, Eddie was happy he did.
"Can we talk after the party?" Buck asked.
"Sure. Have you made a decision on where you want to go?" Eddie asked. He was afraid of the answer, but he needed to know.
"I want to stay with you and Chris, but I think it's asking too much."
"It's not. I promise. Chris and I would love it. Chris wants it more than anything in the world."
Eddie didn't look over at Buck. It wasn't long before Eddie was pulling into his driveway. Chris was waiting on the porch for them.
"I'll stay with you."
---
Buck felt like he was too keyed up to sleep, so he was happy when Eddie returned to the living room with a cup of something in each hand. He stopped after a few seconds and took a sip of one and then the other. He then handed Buck the one he took a drink of first.
"Added something to it?"
"Yeah, I then forgot which one it was. It's not a lot, just a splash of rum since I don't work tomorrow. I made Abuelita."
Buck lifted the mug up, and he took a sip of it. He loved this shit, and Eddie knew it. "Thanks."
"Welcome. I know you like it, and it's a comfort even with everything going on. So, the party was good. Everyone had fun. You didn't cough up blood."
Buck reached out and slapped Eddie's side.
"Your parents didn't look happy about you not going home to your loft. In fact, your mother looked very, very upset." Eddie stretched his legs out onto the coffee table.
"My mother likes to fuss over me when I'm injured. Growing up, it was the only way I ever got attention from her. I didn't want to fall back into that whole thing. I came back for me, not for everyone else." The dreams Buck had followed when he was in the coma were still in his mind. He understood why he had done what he did in it, but he still was trying to figure it all out.
"Bobby said you had dreams that had you a little rocked, and he was pretty sure that in your dream, he was dead."
"He was. I have no clue why my mind went with that."
"Where was I?" Eddie asked. He took a sip of his hot chocolate but quickly realized that the question was loaded. "Buck?"
"Do I have to talk about it?" Buck asked.
"No, you don't have to talk about it. I want you to, but you might not be ready yet."
"Chris broke my heart in it. My brain was throwing people at me left and right, and then he popped up, and he is the one I regret the most in telling him no, that I couldn't help him find you. I even said that I would regret it later."
"Why would he need to find me?"
"Everything was different because of Daniel."
Eddie started a little. He set the cup of hot chocolate down and then took Buck's from him. "Okay, you will have to start at the beginning."
Buck laughed a little and started talking about the start of it all. Right up until he got to where Eddie's life in the dream was. He sighed and leaned back on the couch a little more, unable to get comfortable really. His body wasn't too sore, but he was feeling the not moving in a while. Buck got up and walked around for a few minutes as a way to put off what he was about to say. He had already talked about Bobby and the way that he and Hen figured out what had gone on.
"And?" Eddie asked.
"They called you the angry man. Which I got after they told me why. No Bobby means no boss that supported you and allowed you to bring Chris to the station."
"Which you cleared with him before I even thought of it."
Buck smiled and turned back to Eddie to see him holding out his hand. Buck stepped over and took his hand. Eddie pulled him to sit on the couch again, leaning into Eddie, cuddling. Buck grabbed the blanket on the back and threw it over the two of them as much as he could, focusing on his body more than Eddie's. He had been a lot cold since waking up, hence the sweats when he normally would be in a T-shirt on his upper body.
"Bobby said you were colder than normal for the time of year. I still don't understand who you survived in Pennsylvania."
"There is a reason I ran from Montana to the south when winter hit that one year."
"You didn't run south, Buck. You ran to Peru."
Buck shrugged but laid his head on Eddie's shoulder, liking this comfort a lot. He kind of wanted to keep on doing it. He felt touch starved even though he knew that while he was in his medically induced coma, various people held his hand a lot. It was different, and he needed more. He wasn't afraid to admit that.
"Quit stalling. Why was I angry?"
"You didn't have support. I assume that your parents started to sue for custody right after Abuela broke her hip. You had Pepa and no one who was trusted enough to watch Chris, and things just...they were themselves in all of that."
"Back when Dad supported Mom in everything without knowing the kind of damage that it would have made to Chris being taken away from me. I promised to never leave him, but it sounds like he was taken from me. He would have resented the hell out of them."
"I didn't get to figure out what was going on with that. Maddie was still with Doug, and he still abused her, and they had a kid. She was older, so she had been around a while. Maddie said Doug never wanted kids. And then Daniel was telling me to just butt out of their lives. I felt like Daniel was an asshole, which kind of tracks with what I know of how he would have been raised. I had no clue why the hell we were all here in LA. That's the only part I can figure out while awake."
"I would assume it's all around just needing to be here, as crossing the county in a dream seemed like too much for your brain to make happen." Eddie started to rub his hand up and down Buck's back, a calming gesture that felt pretty damned good.
Buck closed his eyes to enjoy the touch.
"Want your cocoa?"
"No, but yes." Buck held out his hand and tipped his head up to take a drink when the hot chocolate was placed back in his hand. He wanted to just stay curled into Eddie for a long time.
Eddie's hand crept up the back of Buck's neck until it was tangled in his hair. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the scalp massage he got.
"I don't understand half of what I did in that dream."
"What's got you confused?"
"Going to Chim. I mean, I put on a good show when Maddie is around and keeping things up for the family, but I don't...I don't trust him that way. Not anymore. I don't want Maddie stressed out."
"I never...you've never talked about this."
"No, Doctor Copeland is mad at me for not dealing with the punch better. She wanted me to report him for it. Then when Maddie came back talking to her about it."
"She doesn't know?"
"I don't know. I made a comment in front of her that I owed him a punch, but I never pushed it when she said nothing."
"Buck."
"I know. She's happy, though!"
"Buck, she's happy and doesn't know it all. When it was just that punch, I kind of got it. My family would do much the same. Fight it out instead of talking it out. I never did, but then I have deep anger issues I'm still working on. But Maddie's a victim of domestic violence. She needs to know he's capable of that when in deep stress. Bobby needs to know it as well. We always deal with stress on the job, and if it was just his reaction to Maddie leaving like that, it's fine, but can we know? Did he have PPD as well?"
Buck was glad his eyes were closed, and Eddie's fingers never stopped the movement on his head.
"If I brought it up now, it would look weird."
"No, couch it all into your coma and the lucid dreaming you were doing. I'm sure that Doctor Copeland would say that the only time it's wrong to bring it up is after it happens to someone else."
"I don't...I don't think he'll ever hit someone else," Buck said.
"So you think it's because it was you?"
"Yes. I do. I think he knew I wouldn't do anything about it and wouldn't hit him back. Which now that I say that out loud, that makes it worse, doesn't it?"
"When is your next therapy appointment?"
"Tomorrow morning. Over the Internet. I didn't want to have someone take me there."
"Your parents would have, though. They seem to be all in on you."
"I'm their miracle baby. I was actually called that. It's like being a firefighter and saving lives has made them actually care about me. It has nothing to do with who I am. I mean, on the way in, after I picked them up at the airport, we talked about the strange weather LA has been having, and that's it. Nothing about me. Maddie keeps them updated on that, and they don't feel the need to talk to me about it at all."
"I'm going to keep my mouth shut on that because I'm not in the right mind to say anything that's constructive that wouldn't hurt you."
"Why would the truth about my parents hurt me? I have Bobby; that's all I need. I don't need anyone else. At least as far as parents go."
"How about we just talk about it later, and I'll tell you everything."
Buck huffed, but he didn't bring it up again.
"You are sleeping with me tonight as well. I don't want to have to worry about you in here alone."
"Okay," Buck said. He didn't care at all about sharing a bed with Eddie. Eddie was warm, and settling in and sleeping in a warm, soft bed would be good.
"Bed?" Eddie asked.
Buck nodded. He just wanted to sleep.
---
Eddie kissed Buck's forehead as he woke up and found his friend clinging to him like an octopus. He wasn't sure what kind of mood Buck would be in, but the way that he had been kind of sad when getting to Eddie's yesterday had not gone unnoticed by Eddie and Bobby. He had rebounded with ease and had settled into the party where he was fawned over with attention. Everyone who hadn't been able to see him at the hospital due to their age or being at school had been able to see him. Chris and Denny had been right there. Even May had stayed closer than normal.
"Dad?"
"Come on in, mijo," Eddie said.
Chris was still in pajamas, and his crutches were not in his hands. He walked over and carefully got on the bed with them, crawling over Eddie to get between him and Buck. Buck grunted when Eddie moved to make room but didn't wake up.
"Is he okay?"
"Yes. He's just sleeping deep to help his body heal. I was thinking of getting up and making those breakfast burritos that we like."
"Yes, please." Chris closed his eyes and replaced Eddie in Buck's arms.
Eddie wasn't going to be upset about his son taking over that spot, but he knew that things were going to be different from here out. There were a lot of things that Buck wasn't going to just take anymore. Eddie had a feeling a few people were going to feel like they got whiplash for how he was going to be. He wasn't sure that a few were going to like it in the end, but Eddie was all about making sure that Buck was protected.
"How can someone sleep with this wiggling and this amount of talking?" Buck asked.
"Well, I think it was Chris' idea to wake you up. I'm going to head out and get breakfast. Your phone has been buzzing a little bit, so someone was texting you. I didn't hear the ringer go off."
"I have it on silent."
"Yes, but you have different buzzes for each."
Buck lifted his head to look at Eddie over Chris' head.
"Yeah, yeah, I know, but you leave your phone around on silent at work, so I like to make sure you aren't missing anything important."
Buck dropped back to the bed with a smile on his face.
Eddie left Buck and Chris to have their time together in the bedroom as he headed to the kitchen. Times when Chris would get into bed with Eddie for cuddles were slowly becoming less and less. Thankfully the other forms of affection were still there for now.
The day when Chris didn't want hugs from him was going to be the day that Eddie knew his little boy was growing up even more. The whole crush and wanting to be his own person was new, but Eddie was dealing with as much as he could.
The kitchen was spotless, which Eddie knew from the night before because Bobby and Athena never left a party at another person's place without cleaning up. It was just how they rolled.
Getting breakfast started was easy, and Eddie knew it like he knew his job. It was easy to fall into the rhythm of cooking. This wasn't fancy cooking like Buck liked to make fun of him for. This was something that was comfort food. Lunch was probably going to be pizza rolls since it seemed to be one of Buck's favorite things that did remind him of comfort.
Chris' was chicken nuggets, and Eddie's was Pop-Tarts. It was always great to see what other people's comfort foods were. Eddie was right there with Tyalor and frozen waffles being a good one. Eddie had some in his freezer, even if Buck made a face about them for a while.
Eddie was nearly done with the burritos when Chris and Buck finally made their way into the room. They both had slightly red eyes, so Eddie figured they had the talk they hadn't been able to have until they were alone. Chris leaned into Buck at the counter and grinned.
"We decided that I should try coffee today. Not the black stuff you give me to make me hate it."
Eddie looked at Buck, who had a sheepish look but didn't seem ready to refute Chris' words.
"Fine, you can have some with Buck's creamer and milk in it."
Chris cheered and headed for the coffee pot, pouring out what amounted to about a quarter of the mug full of coffee before turning around to look at Buck with wide, hopeful eyes.
Buck gave a put-upon sigh and then headed over to where the creamer in the fridge was and pulled it out. He added a splash to his cup sitting beside the coffee pot and then some into Chris'. Next was the milk, and it got a splash into Buck's cup as well before he added a good bit more to Chris' cup.
"It's gonna be cold. Do you want it cold or warmed up?" Buck asked.
"Cold is fine. I can try hot next time."
"If you like it." Buck popped Chris on the nose with a pointer finger.
Chris sighed before he headed over to where the dishes were set up for them on the table. Eddie turned back to deal with the burrito mixture. He got it all together and then popped it into the oven. He grabbed the shredded cheese and pulled the rack out to cover each burrito with it before shoving those in and shutting the door. He turned to look at where Chris and Buck were playing a form for footsie under the table. Eddie loved this much more than he thought he should, given everything.
"Breakfast smells awesome, Dad," Chris said.
"Thanks. I'm glad you approve."
Chris stuck his tongue out at Eddie, and Eddie shot his hand out, trying to catch it quickly enough, but he couldn't. Chris laughed before taking a sip of his coffee. He made a face at first, but then it settled down a little bit as he took it in. "It's so bitter."
"I know."
"How can you stand that?"
"You get used to it," Buck said. He reached out for a piece of honeydew and popped it into his mouth. He hummed in happiness as he chewed on the second piece.
"Is it good?" Eddie asked.
"You didn't eat any?"
"Nah, it's for after I eat the burrito."
The timer went off on the oven, and Eddie got up to get the food out. He settled the tray of burritos on the table. Buck reached out to set out the one for Chris before serving himself and leaving Eddie to get his own. It was really nice to have this kind of morning.
"What was on your phone?" Eddie asked once they were all a few bites into their meal.
"Mom texted me to tell me that she was upset by the state of my apartment and that I needed a couch. I didn't have the heart to tell her I didn't spend much time there. It's a place to sleep, and that's about it. So she's going shopping to get me a sectional that pulls out into a bed so people can stay over."
"I thought you weren't going to get a couch until you were sure you found the right one?"
"I wasn't, but it's what they do. They fuss. Once I was too old for simple things, I got bought other things when I got hurt or sick. A new game system when I was fifteen and was knocked down the stairs at school by accident. A motorcycle that I ended up crashing when I caught pneumonia when I was in college. Now it's a sectional couch, so I can have people over."
"But you sleep on our couch," Chris pointed out.
"I do. So I think that you need a better couch more than me." Buck tapped his foot on Eddie's with a smile.
"We can go shopping anytime you want," Eddie said.
Buck looked at him with shock all over his face. It was hard to see anything but that. Eddie had felt the urge to kiss him a few times before this, but it had never been this strong. He didn't fight the look that wanted to come over his face as he looked at Buck.
Eddie waited for the look to change as Buck looked at him, but Buck just looked as smitten as Eddie felt. It was nice to see him smiling like that. Eddie slipped his foot out a little more, pressing the side of his leg to Buck's, where there was no mistaking it all.
"Are you two going to be disgusting?" Chris asked.
"No, not yet. That will come later," Buck said.
Buck said it so simply with no hesitation, nothing strange to his tone. Like he was stating a fact. It felt good. Eddie nodded his head at the look that came after. The one Eddie knew well about them talking later when there were no other ears around. Chris would want to go to his room to play a video game. Or down the street to play with friends. Eddie snagged another bite of honeydew and dropped it onto the plate he had for his fruit. Chris and Buck had eaten just about half of the fruit. Eddie didn't want much of it and was glad to let them eat as much as they wanted.
"When can we go to the zoo again?" Chris asked.
"It's going to be a little while. I'm not allowed to walk around that much right now. Too much of a shock to my system. I will be going to do physical therapy to make sure that I have people around when I'm pushing myself to get up to where I was. So, as soon as I am cleared for it with the doctor, we will go."
"Okay. Good. Can we watch that stream with the fish, please?"
"We can later, yeah. It sounds like it will be fun."
"So, Chris, what homework do you have?" Eddie asked.
"Just that paper I've been reading the books for. It's still two months out from being due, and I'm ahead of the schedule that BUck and I made up to keep me on track around the other things in my life."
Eddie looked at Buck to see him blushing, and he was trying to hide it by ducking his head down.
"Good. Then you can spend the day doing what you want, but I don't want to leave Buck alone, so anything you want to do outside of the house will have to wait if he's taking a nap."
"I don't plan on leaving the house," Chris said.
Eddie rolled his eyes at the tone Chris used. It was nothing bad, just that it should be evident that Chris wasn't going to leave his Buck alone with Eddie.
---
Buck dropped onto the couch and tipped his head back. He felt like that nap was a horrible idea. He felt just more tired. Or he hadn't slept long enough. He wasn't sure of the answer but didn't like it. Despite everything, he felt so tired, and he knew it was his body still healing. Despite it all, Buck felt like he could do anything he wanted to but knew it was impossible as once he started, it would be the wrong thing.
"You've got your thinking face on," Eddie said as he handed over a glass of water. He dropped onto the couch at the far end and patted his thigh in invitation.
Buck took a few sips of the water and debated how he was supposed to drink it while lying with his head on Eddie's thigh. Eddie laughed and dropped a straw into the water before he patted his thigh again. Buck took another drink before he laid the glass on the coffee table. The movement made Buck happy as he lay down. He rolled to his side and looked at the TV even though it was off.
It took a few seconds for Buck to get settled down into the couch to where he was comfortable. His leg still ached him some still. That would take a while for it to get better, but he was pretty sure that he would be back at full before long. His doctor saw no reason why he wouldn't.
Eddie dropped his hand to Buck's shoulder and rubbed for a few moments before he settled it on Buck's side.
"We should talk," Eddie said.
"If this talk ends in us being anything other than boyfriends, I don't want to," Buck said.
Eddie laughed, and his hand lifted up. Buck made a noise because he wanted it back. The hand came back a few seconds later but under his shift, touching skin in a way they had never done before.
"Oh," Buck said.
"Yes, oh. That coma dream really got you worked up. Are you sure this is what you want?"
"I've been looking for a family, and it was when I was in there I knew that my family was around me already. I don't mean the found family we all made with each other. I mean a family I come home to at the end of every day."
"Ah. And you noticed what?"
"When I was talking to Bobby and playing cards, I realized that as much as he had Athena to go to when he needed that comfort, I had you."
"You do. I never thought you cared about me in that way, so I never pushed too much. I realized it in the wake of Ana, and you had Taylor, then you did stupid stuff, and everything kind of got weird."
"It did get weird. It's going to get even more weird when I bring things up that most will probably not be happy about. I can't move on, and Doctor Copeland was right about that. I hate that she was right, but I know why she was."
"It's what she does for a living. You have a good appointment with her today?"
"Yes, she's afraid of PTSD and flashbacks and wants to be on hand the first time I go up a ladder during the exam to make sure I can work."
Eddie exhaled sharply.
"Yeah. Thankfully, the academy will let me play on a truck, I'm sure." Buck tried for humor, but it fell flat even to his ears. He wasn't sure that humor would come about it for a while.
Eddie was too silent.
"Hey," Buck said as he reached out and shook Eddie's leg.
"Sorry, I just realized that out of everyone with trauma from on-the-job injuries, you have the most around the ladder truck."
Buck froze at that. He hadn't framed it in his head like that, and now that he had, he wasn't sure he could let it go for a while.
"I just realized it and didn't realize you hadn't."
"No, I'm sure it would have hit me in the worst moment. Bobby's going to wrap me in bubble wrap for a while, but I don't think he will bar me from coming back this time. I might ask to be the one behind for a while. Just to be safe. We will have to tell him about this."
"I think that he'll have paperwork on hand already. I bet if you texted him right now and asked him to bring over the relationship paperwork, he would laugh. It would probably be half filled out as well."
"Did you really sneak Chris in to see me?"
"I did. He wanted it, and I wasn't telling him no. He never got to come and see me after I was shot because of COVID. I was not going to deny him seeing you because of a rule that doesn't make sense a lot of the time."
"I can understand it for a lot of kids, but there is just such a spectrum of kids and parents. Single parents being told their kid can't come and see them?"
"The stress of not seeing Chris in person after I was shot was more than if he had been there and on his worst day. I think it's why I like where I was taken more than where you were taken."
"No kidding. I like the places that do allow a little bending of the rules." Buck gave up and rolled onto his back to look up at Eddie, who was already looking down at him. He smiled at Eddie, who reached out and brushed his fingers over Buck's cheek before cupping the side of his face.
Eddie looked like a man who was deep in love and didn't care at all about it. It was the kind of look Buck had been looking for all his life. There was nothing better than that look to Eddie when he looked like that. Buck had never seen him look like that.
"Hey, your face just fell a little. What happened?"
"I just...Even when things were great between you and Shannon when she was here in LA, you never looked like that."
"Even at our best then, it was never like this. Trust, Buck. It was all about trust, and she had broken mine. I was worried about it so much that I was never allowed to be truly happy, I think. So, there would be a big difference between what I felt for her then and what I feel for you now."
"How did you hide this?"
"It's pretty easy, really. I wanted our friendship and what we had more than I wanted this. I wasn't going to risk it. I don't think you would have punished me for having feelings for you, but I think that you would have had a few reservations about being as close as we are right now."
Buck nodded, digging his head in on the back press of it. Eddie laughed and laid his hand on Buck's chest, just resting it over his heart.
"How are you feeling?"
"Tired but not nearly as tired as I had been. I think I'll pass out soon."
"Then I'm going to put on one of the soccer games I recorded."
"Who?"
"Don't know. Do you want it in English or Spanish?"
"Spanish. Mexico league?"
"Sure. I'll put on the game of my favorite team from Mexico."
Buck flailed his arm for the blanket and tried to snag it, but he was so tired his hand kept on missing.
"We didn't talk enough," Buck said.
"Oh, we talked enough, I promise. The rest we can do little bit by little bit. It's not like we are strangers who are trying to figure each other out. We are best friends, Buck."
"Okay. I don't want to do this wrong."
"We could never do it wrong, I promise. Unless we try to just ruin everything."
Buck knew Eddie's words were the truth, but he wasn't sure he could trust that. He messed everything up. He wasn't enough for Abby. He got injured and scared Ali. He and Taylor had too many issues to put most of it on him. He knew that many of their issues were ones he could never fix, but he felt like he should have been able to.
"Sleep, Buck. Your brain will feel better for it as well as your body."
Eddie watched as Buck's body loosened up as he slipped into sleep.
There was something about having Buck like this with him that settled Eddie down. He figured getting things with Bobby squared away would be the best thing. He would talk Buck into calling him over when things were settled for the day.
"Dad! Someone just-Oh, it's Bobby!"
Eddie dropped his head back on the couch. He hadn't thought that thinking about it would summon the man. it was more likely that he had already been coming over to check on Buck and settle things for himself than anything else.
"Do you mind letting him in and telling him that Buck's asleep, so be quiet?"
The sounds of Chris early every woke Buck up unless something was going on. The sounds of Bobby here would probably wake him up, and Buck had just gotten to sleep.
Bobby came into the living room on Chris' heels, going slow. He didn't seem to shock by the sight of Eddie on the couch with Buck's head in his lap.
"I just wanted to check on him without making him look at his phone. I was heading to the store to buy some things. Nothing for you guys, I promise."
He just went to sleep." Eddie waved for Bobby to take a seat.
"How is he doing?"
"Mentally? Unsure about that. He had an appointment with his therapist, but I'm going to take something on so he doesn't have to stress about it. I never was told what he told you about the black eye he had."
"What he told me? That makes it sound like you know that he lied to me."
"His relationship with you is not mine to manage. I am not going to get in the middle of his father and him."
"I never realized that anyone looked at it like that, especially Athena and May. I am not sure what anyone else thinks about it."
"It's nothing big, really. Anyway. So the punch." Eddie looked to the side and listened for Chris. He could hear him in his bedroom again. He had a problem just been moving around to get moving. He did that a lot, especially during days off from school since he didn't move around between classes. It was good that he tried.
"It wasn't until much later that I realized he never said where it came from. I asked him and others, did all he talked about was a bar visit. It was Makepeace who realized that Buck had told that story about someone else a long time before and had never got to finish it. So you know the truth of who hit him."
"Yes, and his coma dreams have pushed him to do something about it. Did he tell you about Doug in there?"
"Yes, and how Daniel told him to butt out. I know it's his own little drama in his head, but it had to help him understand some things."
"Well, you don't have to look further than the man who left town right around the time Buck got punched."
"Chim?" Bobby leaned forward, his attention fully on Buck.
"Yes. I don't want you emoting all over him about this. He's in a very, very fragile place right now. Chim told me that he worked things through with Buck, and Buck's never talked about it."
"And then Buck wanted to leave the 118 because he thought we all blamed him for Chim leaving. It all makes a lot more sense now."
"I can't say that I would ever think that Chim would punch someone he worked with. Especially someone who is part of the family of the woman he dated. If he was not in control of his emotions and all of that jazz, he never should have been allowed to leave. I never knew he punched Buck before he took off. I only found out after he had left." Eddie started to card his fingers through Buck's hair, releasing it from the gel he had used that day to keep it down. He really wanted those curls that he liked seeing.
"Buck told me that Doctor Copeland was trying to get him to not keep his feelings on things back; I never thought too much about it until right now."
"You know it's hard to sleep with people talking about you while in front of you," Buck said. He stretched out and opened his eyes to look at Eddie. He didn't seem to be too upset.
"Sorry. I was trying to keep it down and make sure that Bobby wouldn't make you feel like it's your fault that Chim punched you."
"I would never," Bobby said.
"That's good. There are some who would. There were a lot of emotions about all of that, but if Chim was allowed to punch Buck over keeping that Maddi had called Buck, then Buck would get to do it as well because Chim kept Maddie's issues from him. At some point, Chim chose to follow her even though he knew she was struggling horribly. He didn't force the issue, and I'm sorry, but I lay the blame of Maddie leaving like she did at Chim's feet."
"Maddie doesn't," Buck said.
"No, because she loves him and can't see it. The secrets around all of that were toxic, and it never should have gotten as far as it did."
"His threat to keep Jee from Buck and then followed through. He never even gave updates." Eddie looked down at Buck and saw the pain there.
"What do you want, Buck?"
"I don't know, but I'm going to make sure that Maddie understands it all. She's probably going to side with Chim. She did when it came to me and Doug years ago. I have no clue how Chim is going to take this."
"Well, I'll make sure that you both have a soft place to land if this all goes south. I'll get the rest of the paperwork needed for the two of you to be a couple in the LAFD taken care of. The next shift, you will just have to sign it. I have it mostly filled out already."
"Told you," Eddie said.
Buck stuck his tongue out at Eddie. Eddie tried to catch it but didn't get it in time, either.
"I'll leave you two. Buck, tell me everything that I need to know as your captain when you can, please."
"And I'll tell you everything needed as my father when I can as well."
Bobby looked shocked for Buck to just say it like it was, but he nodded before getting up.
The 118 was going to look different when it came to how things were from here out. Eddie wasn't sure that Buck would ever get paired up with Chim again on anything that involved trust. Everything lately had just proven that Buck could trust him, but Eddie wasn't sure that Bobby would.
---
Buck sighed as he looked at his phone, which had gone blank, before popping back to the FaceTime screen. It was nothing to Buck at this point in time. He sighed and looked at Eddie, who looked very upset. Eddie had promised to be quiet for the call, but he looked like he wanted to break that at each moment.
Chris was with Abuela at her house, having the time of his life from the last texts Eddie had gotten. It was not a good day, and it was good that Chris was going to a sleepover down the street.
"I don't think I'm going to get to see Jee again," Buck said.
"How can I help you with this?" Eddie asked.
"I'm not sure. She wasn't happy that I wasn't letting it go, but I can't. I can't just let that kind of thing go anymore. I saw what everyone did in my head, and while it's not the truth of what was going on, I can't let it go. Maddie doesn't think he would ever hit her, and that's okay, but I'm not going to let this go."
"You shouldn't," Eddie said as he finally came over to where Buck was sitting on the couch. Eddie wrapped his arm around him and held him close.
"No. I shouldn't. I can't live with this. I can't live with keeping it from Maddie, and when I tell her, she gets pissed at me. I hope she calms down and talks to me afterward. It was shitty to listen to her yelling at me, but I can't take on her response to this issue. I didn't want to have this happen, but I can't just turn off how I feel now. I need to make my life better. I need to start with everyone who is close to me. So I just need to make sure that I do it as calmly as I can."
"You handled Maddie as well as you could."
"My parents are going to be pissed at me."
"You don't need them. I know you feel like part of you does, but you don't."
"I know that. I don't need them, and I don't want them. I have you and your family, I have the ones at the 118, and I have Bobby and Athena. That's all I need. Well, you and Chris as well. I love you. You know that, right?"
"I do. I do know that."
"Good. Do you love me?"
"Fishing for affection, Evan?" Eddie asked.
Buck looked at Eddie for a few seconds before he moved to straddle his lap. He didn't want more than that, just sitting there.
Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck and held on tightly.
"Together, we can do this," Eddie said.
"I know. With you at my side, I feel like I can do anything. I just need to cut out the parts of my life that are holding me back."
Eddie kissed the side of Buck's head.
"I do love you. I love you more than I probably should."
Buck smiled and leaned down on Eddie, shifting to lay his head on Eddie's shoulder like a clinging limpet. Eddie held on just as tight.
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Not Chim Friendly, Not Maddie Friendly
Fandom: 9-1-1
Relationships: Eddie Diaz/Evan Buckley
Tags: 6.11-In Another Life Episode Tag, Season 6 Spoilers
Summary: In the wake of Buck waking up from the induced coma, Buck tries to cut out the issues in his life.
Word Count: 8,390
Beta: Grammarly
"Bobby's barely left you alone," Eddie said as he grabbed hold of the back of the wheelchair to take him out to the truck. Eddie wasn't sure what was going on or how Buck had talked Bobby into letting anyone take him home but him.
"He's all about the party right now, and I think he needed a little time away from me."
"Explain that."
"He told me about something May said to him. She told him that since it was me, they all understood, and when he looked confused, she said that Athena brought two kids into the relationship, and Bobby brought one."
Eddie snorted as he punched the button to get the elevator to head down. The nurse who was escorting them out caught up to him as the doors opened. She smiled at them and had everything needed for his discharge in her hands. There had been a few papers missing. After the whole blood thinner debacle, Eddie made sure that nothing was going to be forgotten.
"Well, she's not wrong on that. I mean, I was told to be nice to you by everyone because you were like a son to him. I never saw it until the first time you were hurt. You didn't even have anything that lasted, but he was just like I am when Chris is injured. At that point, I stopped trying to think of the relationship as anything other than paternal. I think it's why the lawsuit was a big shock."
I was hurting; it was the only way I could see to return. The union had done shit for Bobby right before, so I didn't trust them."
Eddie waited for the nurse to get off first before he started out of the elevator. There was nothing more strange than pushing Buck out. He remembered when they had been in this position over a year ago. That time it had been Buck pushing him out when he thought he should just walk out. He understood the whole thing, but he wasn't sure that he ever would understand it for certain injuries. Buck and his body weakness from being zapped like he was,
"Aren't you glad you have no metal in your leg?" Eddie asked.
"Please do not remind me," Buck said.
"I do have a confession as there is someone outside who wants to see you, and I think she will go away pretty easily, but even if you two broke up, you can't say there are no feelings there."
It took Buck a few seconds to register that Taylor was outside from Eddie's words, and as soon as he did, he sat up straight. Eddie hated that he could read Buck's body language so easily.
"Do you want to see her?"
"Sure. I know it must be hard to hear about it." Buck didn't seem too upset about it, so Eddie took him at his word, pushing him out the doors where the patient pick-up and drop-off was. Eddie unlocked the truck and wheeled them over. Taylor was leaning against the truck with a smile on her face. She had a tray of drinks in her hand.
"I wasn't sure what you could drink and if you had to limit caffeine, so I got one of the weir chai lattes you like. And a large latte with no sugar for Eddie." Taylor opened the truck door and dropped off two of the drinks, and then stepped back to allow Eddie to get Buck in the truck, the only point where the nurse was going to leave.
"Thanks," Buck said to the nurse when she handed over the last of the paperwork. It was tossed on the backseat where Eddie had dropped off the bag from Buck's stay and the last few flowers that hadn't been taken to his house before Buck was released.
"And thanks for the coffee," Eddie said.
"I figured that everyone needed it. When I heard the news, I wasn't told the person's name, and I worried that you had to see Eddie get hurt again. Then the age was said in the clip I heard, and I froze. I don't blame you for what happened, Buck, but I don't think I'm in a place where I can just turn off my emotions when it comes to you. I know your team hates me for hurting you, but I would like to know if you get hurt."
"I can do that," Eddie said.
"Are you sure?" Taylor looked Eddie up and down like she was assessing the kind of threat he was.
Eddie had made sure that he was never a threat to them, even after Ana and he broke up. He hadn't had to wait long before they broke up as well, or at least started to have the issues that Eddie knew would pull them apart.
"Yes, you care for him, and I think he needs more people in his life that he knows care for me."
"Well, that's good." Taylor waited for Eddie to step back before she came over and leaned in to hug Buck.
"I'll text you when I am fully up for visitors. I feel pretty good, but I have a feeling the party will be something to remember, and I've already been told I'm not allowed to live alone for a while. I haven't been able to get it out of anyone where I will be laying my head."
Eddie laughed as he wasn't sure either. The last time it had been brought up, there had been a puppy eyes fight between a pre-teen and an adult. Eddie wasn't even sure if Chris had won or not. He figured he would know by the time the party was over.
"Well, Buckley, you've just proven that you are stronger than lightning and a fire truck being tossed on you. Please don't see what else you can conquer."
"I'll try." buck held onto her a little harder before he let go.
Taylor stepped back from the truck with a smile on her face. There was a tear in her eyes that she wiped away. "If you need anything, let me know. I figure you have your phone now."
"I do. It was in the truck, so it was safe. Eddie had kept it with him so that the sounds didn't bother me too much. He would have answered you."
"I got enough information from the news, don't worry about that. I'll check in over the next few days."
Eddie walked around the truck to get in as Taylor shut the door on Buck. When Eddie pulled himself into the truck, Buck was taking a drink of Eddie's coffee before he made a face and swapped to his own.
"Forget you don't like lattes?"
"Yes. I just wanted something, but I think I'll stick to my chai, which is much better. I don't remember if they said anything about caffeine and how much I am allowed."
"The food and drink restrictions were on the sheets back there. I'll look when we get to the party, but I don't remember it being mentioned when they went over the stuff you really shouldn't be doing."
Eddie would go over everything when he had the chance because no one wanted a blood clot situation on their hands again.
"Why is the party at your place again?"
"Bad memories of parties for you at Bobby and Athena's place."
"That was so long ago."
"And yet it was the last time you were that close to death, so let us have our PTSD with it, huh?"
"How are you doing with this?"
"I am not sure yet. I've barely slept, which has made it all worse. Chris has had nightmares about the tsunami and me getting shot. Pepa wants to drug me to force me to sleep. My best friend in the world was nearly killed."
"I would do it again too."
"What?"
"It would have been Chim up there, Eddie, and he's...older."
Eddie couldn't look at Buck because of the traffic, but he wanted to glare at him. There were still so many issues around Chim and how he left LA and the issues it had brought up with Buck and never being enough.
Chim would not have survived it, Eddie was pretty sure. His heart was older, and after the whole thing with being kidnapped to be killed and revived, he was more than likely not going to come back from his system being shocked like that.
"It's just like when you went up that damned crane again, isn't it?" Eddie asked.
"Yes, and I would do that again as well. Don't tell me that you think I wouldn't."
Eddie wasn't ever going to win that argument. Bobby hadn't been able to either. Buck would be the one to cut the rope if it meant saving others. Eddie couldn't say much about it because he had been the one to cut the rope before. Eddie hadn't even been thinking of Chris at that moment, but afterward, it was all he thought about. He needed to have a bigger talk with Buck about his place in Eddie and Chris' life, but Eddie wasn't sure how to do that. He also wasn't sure it was what Buck was thinking about anymore.
Buck had changed a little, enough that Eddie wasn't sure what place he and Chris really had in his life going forward. The whole thing about sperm donation had proven that he wanted to do things on his own. He hadn't gone to any of them and asked for an opinion until he was sure he knew what he was doing. Eddie liked that, and despite everyone being upset that he did it when they all told him not to, Eddie was happy he did.
"Can we talk after the party?" Buck asked.
"Sure. Have you made a decision on where you want to go?" Eddie asked. He was afraid of the answer, but he needed to know.
"I want to stay with you and Chris, but I think it's asking too much."
"It's not. I promise. Chris and I would love it. Chris wants it more than anything in the world."
Eddie didn't look over at Buck. It wasn't long before Eddie was pulling into his driveway. Chris was waiting on the porch for them.
"I'll stay with you."
---
Buck felt like he was too keyed up to sleep, so he was happy when Eddie returned to the living room with a cup of something in each hand. He stopped after a few seconds and took a sip of one and then the other. He then handed Buck the one he took a drink of first.
"Added something to it?"
"Yeah, I then forgot which one it was. It's not a lot, just a splash of rum since I don't work tomorrow. I made Abuelita."
Buck lifted the mug up, and he took a sip of it. He loved this shit, and Eddie knew it. "Thanks."
"Welcome. I know you like it, and it's a comfort even with everything going on. So, the party was good. Everyone had fun. You didn't cough up blood."
Buck reached out and slapped Eddie's side.
"Your parents didn't look happy about you not going home to your loft. In fact, your mother looked very, very upset." Eddie stretched his legs out onto the coffee table.
"My mother likes to fuss over me when I'm injured. Growing up, it was the only way I ever got attention from her. I didn't want to fall back into that whole thing. I came back for me, not for everyone else." The dreams Buck had followed when he was in the coma were still in his mind. He understood why he had done what he did in it, but he still was trying to figure it all out.
"Bobby said you had dreams that had you a little rocked, and he was pretty sure that in your dream, he was dead."
"He was. I have no clue why my mind went with that."
"Where was I?" Eddie asked. He took a sip of his hot chocolate but quickly realized that the question was loaded. "Buck?"
"Do I have to talk about it?" Buck asked.
"No, you don't have to talk about it. I want you to, but you might not be ready yet."
"Chris broke my heart in it. My brain was throwing people at me left and right, and then he popped up, and he is the one I regret the most in telling him no, that I couldn't help him find you. I even said that I would regret it later."
"Why would he need to find me?"
"Everything was different because of Daniel."
Eddie started a little. He set the cup of hot chocolate down and then took Buck's from him. "Okay, you will have to start at the beginning."
Buck laughed a little and started talking about the start of it all. Right up until he got to where Eddie's life in the dream was. He sighed and leaned back on the couch a little more, unable to get comfortable really. His body wasn't too sore, but he was feeling the not moving in a while. Buck got up and walked around for a few minutes as a way to put off what he was about to say. He had already talked about Bobby and the way that he and Hen figured out what had gone on.
"And?" Eddie asked.
"They called you the angry man. Which I got after they told me why. No Bobby means no boss that supported you and allowed you to bring Chris to the station."
"Which you cleared with him before I even thought of it."
Buck smiled and turned back to Eddie to see him holding out his hand. Buck stepped over and took his hand. Eddie pulled him to sit on the couch again, leaning into Eddie, cuddling. Buck grabbed the blanket on the back and threw it over the two of them as much as he could, focusing on his body more than Eddie's. He had been a lot cold since waking up, hence the sweats when he normally would be in a T-shirt on his upper body.
"Bobby said you were colder than normal for the time of year. I still don't understand who you survived in Pennsylvania."
"There is a reason I ran from Montana to the south when winter hit that one year."
"You didn't run south, Buck. You ran to Peru."
Buck shrugged but laid his head on Eddie's shoulder, liking this comfort a lot. He kind of wanted to keep on doing it. He felt touch starved even though he knew that while he was in his medically induced coma, various people held his hand a lot. It was different, and he needed more. He wasn't afraid to admit that.
"Quit stalling. Why was I angry?"
"You didn't have support. I assume that your parents started to sue for custody right after Abuela broke her hip. You had Pepa and no one who was trusted enough to watch Chris, and things just...they were themselves in all of that."
"Back when Dad supported Mom in everything without knowing the kind of damage that it would have made to Chris being taken away from me. I promised to never leave him, but it sounds like he was taken from me. He would have resented the hell out of them."
"I didn't get to figure out what was going on with that. Maddie was still with Doug, and he still abused her, and they had a kid. She was older, so she had been around a while. Maddie said Doug never wanted kids. And then Daniel was telling me to just butt out of their lives. I felt like Daniel was an asshole, which kind of tracks with what I know of how he would have been raised. I had no clue why the hell we were all here in LA. That's the only part I can figure out while awake."
"I would assume it's all around just needing to be here, as crossing the county in a dream seemed like too much for your brain to make happen." Eddie started to rub his hand up and down Buck's back, a calming gesture that felt pretty damned good.
Buck closed his eyes to enjoy the touch.
"Want your cocoa?"
"No, but yes." Buck held out his hand and tipped his head up to take a drink when the hot chocolate was placed back in his hand. He wanted to just stay curled into Eddie for a long time.
Eddie's hand crept up the back of Buck's neck until it was tangled in his hair. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the scalp massage he got.
"I don't understand half of what I did in that dream."
"What's got you confused?"
"Going to Chim. I mean, I put on a good show when Maddie is around and keeping things up for the family, but I don't...I don't trust him that way. Not anymore. I don't want Maddie stressed out."
"I never...you've never talked about this."
"No, Doctor Copeland is mad at me for not dealing with the punch better. She wanted me to report him for it. Then when Maddie came back talking to her about it."
"She doesn't know?"
"I don't know. I made a comment in front of her that I owed him a punch, but I never pushed it when she said nothing."
"Buck."
"I know. She's happy, though!"
"Buck, she's happy and doesn't know it all. When it was just that punch, I kind of got it. My family would do much the same. Fight it out instead of talking it out. I never did, but then I have deep anger issues I'm still working on. But Maddie's a victim of domestic violence. She needs to know he's capable of that when in deep stress. Bobby needs to know it as well. We always deal with stress on the job, and if it was just his reaction to Maddie leaving like that, it's fine, but can we know? Did he have PPD as well?"
Buck was glad his eyes were closed, and Eddie's fingers never stopped the movement on his head.
"If I brought it up now, it would look weird."
"No, couch it all into your coma and the lucid dreaming you were doing. I'm sure that Doctor Copeland would say that the only time it's wrong to bring it up is after it happens to someone else."
"I don't...I don't think he'll ever hit someone else," Buck said.
"So you think it's because it was you?"
"Yes. I do. I think he knew I wouldn't do anything about it and wouldn't hit him back. Which now that I say that out loud, that makes it worse, doesn't it?"
"When is your next therapy appointment?"
"Tomorrow morning. Over the Internet. I didn't want to have someone take me there."
"Your parents would have, though. They seem to be all in on you."
"I'm their miracle baby. I was actually called that. It's like being a firefighter and saving lives has made them actually care about me. It has nothing to do with who I am. I mean, on the way in, after I picked them up at the airport, we talked about the strange weather LA has been having, and that's it. Nothing about me. Maddie keeps them updated on that, and they don't feel the need to talk to me about it at all."
"I'm going to keep my mouth shut on that because I'm not in the right mind to say anything that's constructive that wouldn't hurt you."
"Why would the truth about my parents hurt me? I have Bobby; that's all I need. I don't need anyone else. At least as far as parents go."
"How about we just talk about it later, and I'll tell you everything."
Buck huffed, but he didn't bring it up again.
"You are sleeping with me tonight as well. I don't want to have to worry about you in here alone."
"Okay," Buck said. He didn't care at all about sharing a bed with Eddie. Eddie was warm, and settling in and sleeping in a warm, soft bed would be good.
"Bed?" Eddie asked.
Buck nodded. He just wanted to sleep.
---
Eddie kissed Buck's forehead as he woke up and found his friend clinging to him like an octopus. He wasn't sure what kind of mood Buck would be in, but the way that he had been kind of sad when getting to Eddie's yesterday had not gone unnoticed by Eddie and Bobby. He had rebounded with ease and had settled into the party where he was fawned over with attention. Everyone who hadn't been able to see him at the hospital due to their age or being at school had been able to see him. Chris and Denny had been right there. Even May had stayed closer than normal.
"Dad?"
"Come on in, mijo," Eddie said.
Chris was still in pajamas, and his crutches were not in his hands. He walked over and carefully got on the bed with them, crawling over Eddie to get between him and Buck. Buck grunted when Eddie moved to make room but didn't wake up.
"Is he okay?"
"Yes. He's just sleeping deep to help his body heal. I was thinking of getting up and making those breakfast burritos that we like."
"Yes, please." Chris closed his eyes and replaced Eddie in Buck's arms.
Eddie wasn't going to be upset about his son taking over that spot, but he knew that things were going to be different from here out. There were a lot of things that Buck wasn't going to just take anymore. Eddie had a feeling a few people were going to feel like they got whiplash for how he was going to be. He wasn't sure that a few were going to like it in the end, but Eddie was all about making sure that Buck was protected.
"How can someone sleep with this wiggling and this amount of talking?" Buck asked.
"Well, I think it was Chris' idea to wake you up. I'm going to head out and get breakfast. Your phone has been buzzing a little bit, so someone was texting you. I didn't hear the ringer go off."
"I have it on silent."
"Yes, but you have different buzzes for each."
Buck lifted his head to look at Eddie over Chris' head.
"Yeah, yeah, I know, but you leave your phone around on silent at work, so I like to make sure you aren't missing anything important."
Buck dropped back to the bed with a smile on his face.
Eddie left Buck and Chris to have their time together in the bedroom as he headed to the kitchen. Times when Chris would get into bed with Eddie for cuddles were slowly becoming less and less. Thankfully the other forms of affection were still there for now.
The day when Chris didn't want hugs from him was going to be the day that Eddie knew his little boy was growing up even more. The whole crush and wanting to be his own person was new, but Eddie was dealing with as much as he could.
The kitchen was spotless, which Eddie knew from the night before because Bobby and Athena never left a party at another person's place without cleaning up. It was just how they rolled.
Getting breakfast started was easy, and Eddie knew it like he knew his job. It was easy to fall into the rhythm of cooking. This wasn't fancy cooking like Buck liked to make fun of him for. This was something that was comfort food. Lunch was probably going to be pizza rolls since it seemed to be one of Buck's favorite things that did remind him of comfort.
Chris' was chicken nuggets, and Eddie's was Pop-Tarts. It was always great to see what other people's comfort foods were. Eddie was right there with Tyalor and frozen waffles being a good one. Eddie had some in his freezer, even if Buck made a face about them for a while.
Eddie was nearly done with the burritos when Chris and Buck finally made their way into the room. They both had slightly red eyes, so Eddie figured they had the talk they hadn't been able to have until they were alone. Chris leaned into Buck at the counter and grinned.
"We decided that I should try coffee today. Not the black stuff you give me to make me hate it."
Eddie looked at Buck, who had a sheepish look but didn't seem ready to refute Chris' words.
"Fine, you can have some with Buck's creamer and milk in it."
Chris cheered and headed for the coffee pot, pouring out what amounted to about a quarter of the mug full of coffee before turning around to look at Buck with wide, hopeful eyes.
Buck gave a put-upon sigh and then headed over to where the creamer in the fridge was and pulled it out. He added a splash to his cup sitting beside the coffee pot and then some into Chris'. Next was the milk, and it got a splash into Buck's cup as well before he added a good bit more to Chris' cup.
"It's gonna be cold. Do you want it cold or warmed up?" Buck asked.
"Cold is fine. I can try hot next time."
"If you like it." Buck popped Chris on the nose with a pointer finger.
Chris sighed before he headed over to where the dishes were set up for them on the table. Eddie turned back to deal with the burrito mixture. He got it all together and then popped it into the oven. He grabbed the shredded cheese and pulled the rack out to cover each burrito with it before shoving those in and shutting the door. He turned to look at where Chris and Buck were playing a form for footsie under the table. Eddie loved this much more than he thought he should, given everything.
"Breakfast smells awesome, Dad," Chris said.
"Thanks. I'm glad you approve."
Chris stuck his tongue out at Eddie, and Eddie shot his hand out, trying to catch it quickly enough, but he couldn't. Chris laughed before taking a sip of his coffee. He made a face at first, but then it settled down a little bit as he took it in. "It's so bitter."
"I know."
"How can you stand that?"
"You get used to it," Buck said. He reached out for a piece of honeydew and popped it into his mouth. He hummed in happiness as he chewed on the second piece.
"Is it good?" Eddie asked.
"You didn't eat any?"
"Nah, it's for after I eat the burrito."
The timer went off on the oven, and Eddie got up to get the food out. He settled the tray of burritos on the table. Buck reached out to set out the one for Chris before serving himself and leaving Eddie to get his own. It was really nice to have this kind of morning.
"What was on your phone?" Eddie asked once they were all a few bites into their meal.
"Mom texted me to tell me that she was upset by the state of my apartment and that I needed a couch. I didn't have the heart to tell her I didn't spend much time there. It's a place to sleep, and that's about it. So she's going shopping to get me a sectional that pulls out into a bed so people can stay over."
"I thought you weren't going to get a couch until you were sure you found the right one?"
"I wasn't, but it's what they do. They fuss. Once I was too old for simple things, I got bought other things when I got hurt or sick. A new game system when I was fifteen and was knocked down the stairs at school by accident. A motorcycle that I ended up crashing when I caught pneumonia when I was in college. Now it's a sectional couch, so I can have people over."
"But you sleep on our couch," Chris pointed out.
"I do. So I think that you need a better couch more than me." Buck tapped his foot on Eddie's with a smile.
"We can go shopping anytime you want," Eddie said.
Buck looked at him with shock all over his face. It was hard to see anything but that. Eddie had felt the urge to kiss him a few times before this, but it had never been this strong. He didn't fight the look that wanted to come over his face as he looked at Buck.
Eddie waited for the look to change as Buck looked at him, but Buck just looked as smitten as Eddie felt. It was nice to see him smiling like that. Eddie slipped his foot out a little more, pressing the side of his leg to Buck's, where there was no mistaking it all.
"Are you two going to be disgusting?" Chris asked.
"No, not yet. That will come later," Buck said.
Buck said it so simply with no hesitation, nothing strange to his tone. Like he was stating a fact. It felt good. Eddie nodded his head at the look that came after. The one Eddie knew well about them talking later when there were no other ears around. Chris would want to go to his room to play a video game. Or down the street to play with friends. Eddie snagged another bite of honeydew and dropped it onto the plate he had for his fruit. Chris and Buck had eaten just about half of the fruit. Eddie didn't want much of it and was glad to let them eat as much as they wanted.
"When can we go to the zoo again?" Chris asked.
"It's going to be a little while. I'm not allowed to walk around that much right now. Too much of a shock to my system. I will be going to do physical therapy to make sure that I have people around when I'm pushing myself to get up to where I was. So, as soon as I am cleared for it with the doctor, we will go."
"Okay. Good. Can we watch that stream with the fish, please?"
"We can later, yeah. It sounds like it will be fun."
"So, Chris, what homework do you have?" Eddie asked.
"Just that paper I've been reading the books for. It's still two months out from being due, and I'm ahead of the schedule that BUck and I made up to keep me on track around the other things in my life."
Eddie looked at Buck to see him blushing, and he was trying to hide it by ducking his head down.
"Good. Then you can spend the day doing what you want, but I don't want to leave Buck alone, so anything you want to do outside of the house will have to wait if he's taking a nap."
"I don't plan on leaving the house," Chris said.
Eddie rolled his eyes at the tone Chris used. It was nothing bad, just that it should be evident that Chris wasn't going to leave his Buck alone with Eddie.
---
Buck dropped onto the couch and tipped his head back. He felt like that nap was a horrible idea. He felt just more tired. Or he hadn't slept long enough. He wasn't sure of the answer but didn't like it. Despite everything, he felt so tired, and he knew it was his body still healing. Despite it all, Buck felt like he could do anything he wanted to but knew it was impossible as once he started, it would be the wrong thing.
"You've got your thinking face on," Eddie said as he handed over a glass of water. He dropped onto the couch at the far end and patted his thigh in invitation.
Buck took a few sips of the water and debated how he was supposed to drink it while lying with his head on Eddie's thigh. Eddie laughed and dropped a straw into the water before he patted his thigh again. Buck took another drink before he laid the glass on the coffee table. The movement made Buck happy as he lay down. He rolled to his side and looked at the TV even though it was off.
It took a few seconds for Buck to get settled down into the couch to where he was comfortable. His leg still ached him some still. That would take a while for it to get better, but he was pretty sure that he would be back at full before long. His doctor saw no reason why he wouldn't.
Eddie dropped his hand to Buck's shoulder and rubbed for a few moments before he settled it on Buck's side.
"We should talk," Eddie said.
"If this talk ends in us being anything other than boyfriends, I don't want to," Buck said.
Eddie laughed, and his hand lifted up. Buck made a noise because he wanted it back. The hand came back a few seconds later but under his shift, touching skin in a way they had never done before.
"Oh," Buck said.
"Yes, oh. That coma dream really got you worked up. Are you sure this is what you want?"
"I've been looking for a family, and it was when I was in there I knew that my family was around me already. I don't mean the found family we all made with each other. I mean a family I come home to at the end of every day."
"Ah. And you noticed what?"
"When I was talking to Bobby and playing cards, I realized that as much as he had Athena to go to when he needed that comfort, I had you."
"You do. I never thought you cared about me in that way, so I never pushed too much. I realized it in the wake of Ana, and you had Taylor, then you did stupid stuff, and everything kind of got weird."
"It did get weird. It's going to get even more weird when I bring things up that most will probably not be happy about. I can't move on, and Doctor Copeland was right about that. I hate that she was right, but I know why she was."
"It's what she does for a living. You have a good appointment with her today?"
"Yes, she's afraid of PTSD and flashbacks and wants to be on hand the first time I go up a ladder during the exam to make sure I can work."
Eddie exhaled sharply.
"Yeah. Thankfully, the academy will let me play on a truck, I'm sure." Buck tried for humor, but it fell flat even to his ears. He wasn't sure that humor would come about it for a while.
Eddie was too silent.
"Hey," Buck said as he reached out and shook Eddie's leg.
"Sorry, I just realized that out of everyone with trauma from on-the-job injuries, you have the most around the ladder truck."
Buck froze at that. He hadn't framed it in his head like that, and now that he had, he wasn't sure he could let it go for a while.
"I just realized it and didn't realize you hadn't."
"No, I'm sure it would have hit me in the worst moment. Bobby's going to wrap me in bubble wrap for a while, but I don't think he will bar me from coming back this time. I might ask to be the one behind for a while. Just to be safe. We will have to tell him about this."
"I think that he'll have paperwork on hand already. I bet if you texted him right now and asked him to bring over the relationship paperwork, he would laugh. It would probably be half filled out as well."
"Did you really sneak Chris in to see me?"
"I did. He wanted it, and I wasn't telling him no. He never got to come and see me after I was shot because of COVID. I was not going to deny him seeing you because of a rule that doesn't make sense a lot of the time."
"I can understand it for a lot of kids, but there is just such a spectrum of kids and parents. Single parents being told their kid can't come and see them?"
"The stress of not seeing Chris in person after I was shot was more than if he had been there and on his worst day. I think it's why I like where I was taken more than where you were taken."
"No kidding. I like the places that do allow a little bending of the rules." Buck gave up and rolled onto his back to look up at Eddie, who was already looking down at him. He smiled at Eddie, who reached out and brushed his fingers over Buck's cheek before cupping the side of his face.
Eddie looked like a man who was deep in love and didn't care at all about it. It was the kind of look Buck had been looking for all his life. There was nothing better than that look to Eddie when he looked like that. Buck had never seen him look like that.
"Hey, your face just fell a little. What happened?"
"I just...Even when things were great between you and Shannon when she was here in LA, you never looked like that."
"Even at our best then, it was never like this. Trust, Buck. It was all about trust, and she had broken mine. I was worried about it so much that I was never allowed to be truly happy, I think. So, there would be a big difference between what I felt for her then and what I feel for you now."
"How did you hide this?"
"It's pretty easy, really. I wanted our friendship and what we had more than I wanted this. I wasn't going to risk it. I don't think you would have punished me for having feelings for you, but I think that you would have had a few reservations about being as close as we are right now."
Buck nodded, digging his head in on the back press of it. Eddie laughed and laid his hand on Buck's chest, just resting it over his heart.
"How are you feeling?"
"Tired but not nearly as tired as I had been. I think I'll pass out soon."
"Then I'm going to put on one of the soccer games I recorded."
"Who?"
"Don't know. Do you want it in English or Spanish?"
"Spanish. Mexico league?"
"Sure. I'll put on the game of my favorite team from Mexico."
Buck flailed his arm for the blanket and tried to snag it, but he was so tired his hand kept on missing.
"We didn't talk enough," Buck said.
"Oh, we talked enough, I promise. The rest we can do little bit by little bit. It's not like we are strangers who are trying to figure each other out. We are best friends, Buck."
"Okay. I don't want to do this wrong."
"We could never do it wrong, I promise. Unless we try to just ruin everything."
Buck knew Eddie's words were the truth, but he wasn't sure he could trust that. He messed everything up. He wasn't enough for Abby. He got injured and scared Ali. He and Taylor had too many issues to put most of it on him. He knew that many of their issues were ones he could never fix, but he felt like he should have been able to.
"Sleep, Buck. Your brain will feel better for it as well as your body."
Eddie watched as Buck's body loosened up as he slipped into sleep.
There was something about having Buck like this with him that settled Eddie down. He figured getting things with Bobby squared away would be the best thing. He would talk Buck into calling him over when things were settled for the day.
"Dad! Someone just-Oh, it's Bobby!"
Eddie dropped his head back on the couch. He hadn't thought that thinking about it would summon the man. it was more likely that he had already been coming over to check on Buck and settle things for himself than anything else.
"Do you mind letting him in and telling him that Buck's asleep, so be quiet?"
The sounds of Chris early every woke Buck up unless something was going on. The sounds of Bobby here would probably wake him up, and Buck had just gotten to sleep.
Bobby came into the living room on Chris' heels, going slow. He didn't seem to shock by the sight of Eddie on the couch with Buck's head in his lap.
"I just wanted to check on him without making him look at his phone. I was heading to the store to buy some things. Nothing for you guys, I promise."
He just went to sleep." Eddie waved for Bobby to take a seat.
"How is he doing?"
"Mentally? Unsure about that. He had an appointment with his therapist, but I'm going to take something on so he doesn't have to stress about it. I never was told what he told you about the black eye he had."
"What he told me? That makes it sound like you know that he lied to me."
"His relationship with you is not mine to manage. I am not going to get in the middle of his father and him."
"I never realized that anyone looked at it like that, especially Athena and May. I am not sure what anyone else thinks about it."
"It's nothing big, really. Anyway. So the punch." Eddie looked to the side and listened for Chris. He could hear him in his bedroom again. He had a problem just been moving around to get moving. He did that a lot, especially during days off from school since he didn't move around between classes. It was good that he tried.
"It wasn't until much later that I realized he never said where it came from. I asked him and others, did all he talked about was a bar visit. It was Makepeace who realized that Buck had told that story about someone else a long time before and had never got to finish it. So you know the truth of who hit him."
"Yes, and his coma dreams have pushed him to do something about it. Did he tell you about Doug in there?"
"Yes, and how Daniel told him to butt out. I know it's his own little drama in his head, but it had to help him understand some things."
"Well, you don't have to look further than the man who left town right around the time Buck got punched."
"Chim?" Bobby leaned forward, his attention fully on Buck.
"Yes. I don't want you emoting all over him about this. He's in a very, very fragile place right now. Chim told me that he worked things through with Buck, and Buck's never talked about it."
"And then Buck wanted to leave the 118 because he thought we all blamed him for Chim leaving. It all makes a lot more sense now."
"I can't say that I would ever think that Chim would punch someone he worked with. Especially someone who is part of the family of the woman he dated. If he was not in control of his emotions and all of that jazz, he never should have been allowed to leave. I never knew he punched Buck before he took off. I only found out after he had left." Eddie started to card his fingers through Buck's hair, releasing it from the gel he had used that day to keep it down. He really wanted those curls that he liked seeing.
"Buck told me that Doctor Copeland was trying to get him to not keep his feelings on things back; I never thought too much about it until right now."
"You know it's hard to sleep with people talking about you while in front of you," Buck said. He stretched out and opened his eyes to look at Eddie. He didn't seem to be too upset.
"Sorry. I was trying to keep it down and make sure that Bobby wouldn't make you feel like it's your fault that Chim punched you."
"I would never," Bobby said.
"That's good. There are some who would. There were a lot of emotions about all of that, but if Chim was allowed to punch Buck over keeping that Maddi had called Buck, then Buck would get to do it as well because Chim kept Maddie's issues from him. At some point, Chim chose to follow her even though he knew she was struggling horribly. He didn't force the issue, and I'm sorry, but I lay the blame of Maddie leaving like she did at Chim's feet."
"Maddie doesn't," Buck said.
"No, because she loves him and can't see it. The secrets around all of that were toxic, and it never should have gotten as far as it did."
"His threat to keep Jee from Buck and then followed through. He never even gave updates." Eddie looked down at Buck and saw the pain there.
"What do you want, Buck?"
"I don't know, but I'm going to make sure that Maddie understands it all. She's probably going to side with Chim. She did when it came to me and Doug years ago. I have no clue how Chim is going to take this."
"Well, I'll make sure that you both have a soft place to land if this all goes south. I'll get the rest of the paperwork needed for the two of you to be a couple in the LAFD taken care of. The next shift, you will just have to sign it. I have it mostly filled out already."
"Told you," Eddie said.
Buck stuck his tongue out at Eddie. Eddie tried to catch it but didn't get it in time, either.
"I'll leave you two. Buck, tell me everything that I need to know as your captain when you can, please."
"And I'll tell you everything needed as my father when I can as well."
Bobby looked shocked for Buck to just say it like it was, but he nodded before getting up.
The 118 was going to look different when it came to how things were from here out. Eddie wasn't sure that Buck would ever get paired up with Chim again on anything that involved trust. Everything lately had just proven that Buck could trust him, but Eddie wasn't sure that Bobby would.
---
Buck sighed as he looked at his phone, which had gone blank, before popping back to the FaceTime screen. It was nothing to Buck at this point in time. He sighed and looked at Eddie, who looked very upset. Eddie had promised to be quiet for the call, but he looked like he wanted to break that at each moment.
Chris was with Abuela at her house, having the time of his life from the last texts Eddie had gotten. It was not a good day, and it was good that Chris was going to a sleepover down the street.
"I don't think I'm going to get to see Jee again," Buck said.
"How can I help you with this?" Eddie asked.
"I'm not sure. She wasn't happy that I wasn't letting it go, but I can't. I can't just let that kind of thing go anymore. I saw what everyone did in my head, and while it's not the truth of what was going on, I can't let it go. Maddie doesn't think he would ever hit her, and that's okay, but I'm not going to let this go."
"You shouldn't," Eddie said as he finally came over to where Buck was sitting on the couch. Eddie wrapped his arm around him and held him close.
"No. I shouldn't. I can't live with this. I can't live with keeping it from Maddie, and when I tell her, she gets pissed at me. I hope she calms down and talks to me afterward. It was shitty to listen to her yelling at me, but I can't take on her response to this issue. I didn't want to have this happen, but I can't just turn off how I feel now. I need to make my life better. I need to start with everyone who is close to me. So I just need to make sure that I do it as calmly as I can."
"You handled Maddie as well as you could."
"My parents are going to be pissed at me."
"You don't need them. I know you feel like part of you does, but you don't."
"I know that. I don't need them, and I don't want them. I have you and your family, I have the ones at the 118, and I have Bobby and Athena. That's all I need. Well, you and Chris as well. I love you. You know that, right?"
"I do. I do know that."
"Good. Do you love me?"
"Fishing for affection, Evan?" Eddie asked.
Buck looked at Eddie for a few seconds before he moved to straddle his lap. He didn't want more than that, just sitting there.
Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck and held on tightly.
"Together, we can do this," Eddie said.
"I know. With you at my side, I feel like I can do anything. I just need to cut out the parts of my life that are holding me back."
Eddie kissed the side of Buck's head.
"I do love you. I love you more than I probably should."
Buck smiled and leaned down on Eddie, shifting to lay his head on Eddie's shoulder like a clinging limpet. Eddie held on just as tight.
The End
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