Title: Nine Tenths of the Law Versus the One Percent
Fandom: Welcome to Night Vale
Rating: G
Length: 1097
Summary: Jake, Marcus Vansten's personal assistant, tries to reclaim from Strexcorp a certain item purchased at auction a few months back....
Notes: For my my Trope Bingo 'Futrefic' square \o/ also whoops, accidentlaly posted this to my journal and not the challenge /o\



The thing that was the most unnerving about the Strexcorp people was how much they smiled – all the time, even when they were upset. Especially when they were upset. It wasn't that this was strange to Jake at all – it was that it was eerily familiar. Jake's job didn't involve expressing his own opinions, but rather expressing whatever he was told. He got a lot of money for this, and it mostly made suffering the various indignities of being Marcus Vansten's personal assistant worthwhile.

The young man working at the desk at the radio station looked nervous behind his smile.

Jake repeated himself cheerily. "You're going to get me a manager to talk to, now, aren’t you?"

The man, whose orange nametag read 'Toby,' nodded and scampered off, returning shortly with a woman Jake suspected he could identify even before the brisk handshake and introduction.

"Hi, Jake," she said. Her chipper voice was instantly recognizable from the recent radio broadcasts. "I'm Lauren. I hear there has been some kind of unfortunate.... misunderstanding?"

"Oh, no, ma'am. I don't get paid to get involved in misunderstandings." Jake matched her cheerful grin. "That would be unproductive, and we wouldn't want that, would we?"

"Unproductivity is the greatest sin," she agreed. She seemed uncertain.

"Right then, I hope Strexcorp be willing to return Mr. Vansten's property without wasting anyone else's valuable time. I don't know where it's being held, exactly, but I'm certain you here at the station can point me in the right direction. This is definitely its last known location."

A realization seemed to dawn for her. She smiled more widely. "Everything in the station belongs to Strexcorp, and has since the business was completely legally purchased from the previous owners. Our lawyers were very specific, down to the exact quantities of blood required for the appeasements."

"That may be, ma'am. I have great faith in corporate lawyers, after all. I work with a great many of them on Mr. Vansten's behalf." He paused to let the statement sink in. "Now, this particular piece of property was purchased at auction some weeks ago, and that contract was very specific itself. Mr. Vansten paid a great deal of money for this lot, lot thirty seven you know. No one in town could even afford to bid against him. He was very determined, and I assure you that the recovery of his property is a very important issue for him."

Jake had trained himself only to express the emotions he was getting paid to feel. Lauren, and likely the other Strexcorp employees, seemed to be playing a slightly different game. Lauren seethed through her smile, her perfect white teeth gleaming.

"I'm sorry, I thought Mr. Vansten had disappeared."

"Disappeared?" Jake had been ready for this, raising his eyebrows in surprise. "Disappeared how? When?"

"He was carried off during the debate you...you – very persistent young man!"

"You know, it is funny you say that, because I have spoken with several people who were present and none of them have mentioned any such thing."

The line between a smile and a grimace was both wobbly and narrow, as Jake knew, and Lauren was wavering along its borders. This was going well. "But no one has seen Mr. Vansten since the debate."

"That is possible," Jake agreed vaguely. "But I am authorized to look after his affairs regardless, and as I said, Mr. Vansten is very possessive of his property." He placed the briefcase he'd brought with him on the desk still occupied by Toby, whose smile was very small and nervous. "Would you like to see the documentation? I assure you everything is in order. I'm just doing my job, ma'am."

"That's very organized of you, Jake," Lauren said, reaching for the case. He waited for her to open it.

"Those are all notarized copies of the originals of course."

For a moment her smile froze. "So I see. Very very organized," she repeated.

The files that he's brought contained copies of the records of the sale of Cecil Palmer at auction from the Sheriff's Secret Police (a Strexcorp subsidiary), notes from the Vansten lawyers that Jake had sought defending the legality of the purchase, and further documentation supporting his own right to act on Marcus's behalf. It was all very legal, taking into account all of the town's most arcane rules. Fortunately, most of those arcane rules had long officially been bent in Marcus's favour. Since his disappearance, Strexcorp hadn't bothered to have them stricken from the books, if they could even have managed to do so without a quorum from the city council. Marcus Vansten had owned Night Vale long before Strexcorp had shown up. And Jake, left to his own devices, was perfectly willing to take advantage of that.

"Everything does seem to be in order." Lauren slammed the briefcase shut.

"Yes ma'am. As I said, I wouldn't want to waste valuable company time."

"Well, regardless." Her cheer was back, her smile as bright and fake as it had ever been. "I'm afraid that Mr. Vansten's property isn't here. It's been taken to Headquarters for.....safekeeping. We wouldn’t want anything to happen to such a...a valuable resource."

"Of course not." Jake faked sympathy very well. "That's perfectly understandable." He paused, looking thoughtful. "Now, I don't rightly know who the best person to approach about this matter would be up there. Do you think it would be better just to let the lawyers handle it?"

"How about I make some calls for you, Jake. We just want everything to run smoothly, and for everyone to be productive and happy. And productive – mostly productive."

"I'm sure that's what we all want, Lauren. You make those calls, that'd be great, I'd appreciate it. How about you also give me some names, so I can make sure I'm not misdirected when I head up that way."

She nodded, and Toby passed her a pen and paper when she held out her hand. "You go and ask to talk to these people. They'll make sure that everything is smoothed over."

"Thank you very kindly, ma'am."

A few minutes later, Jake was leaving the station, with the names of a few key employees up at Strex headquarters. He knew that the fight was far from over, but as his time was basically his own at the moment, he found he was willing to do what he could. Walking into Strexcorp headquarters was going to be dangerous, but Jake had a few more tricks hidden up his sleeve. He straightened his tie, and smiled.