Title: Spiritless
Fandom: Tales of Xillia
Rating: G
Length: ~440 words
Content notes: none
Summary: Milla had never truly considered what her life would be like without the Four Great Spirits.


Milla had never truly considered what her life would be like without the Four Great Spirits. Why would she? Until it happened, she hadn't thought it possible and she saw no reason to waste time on hypotheticals.

Once it did, she was surprised by the number of human frailties she suddenly experienced. For the first time in her life, she felt hunger. For the first time, she tired. She felt the heat of the sun and the cold of the wind in an entirely new way. Now, they could be a threat rather than merely a pleasant experience. She could freeze or burn and no spirits would appear to prevent it.

She had never realized how sheltered she'd been.

The vulnerability wasn't the worst of it. Except for the inconvenience, she almost wouldn't have minded that part. It was a valuable experience. At last, Milla wasn't just reading about being human – she was living it.

But the silence got to her.

She wasn't alone, of course. Jude was there – Jude and sometimes Alvin and later their other companions. But they weren't always beside her, not in the same way the Four had been. There were days when enough time passed in silence that she felt it like a weight, a burden that grew heavier with every step.

It was worst at night, especially at first. How could she relax enough to sleep when that silence pressed down on her, as much a reminder of her loss as her very need to rest?

She hadn't been left powerless. She no longer commanded the Four, but she still possessed elemental mastery; she could still summon fire to burn her foes or earth to crush them, whatever most suited their circumstance.

But the fire wouldn't warm her from within. The earth wouldn't protect her from harm, nor the air lift her from the ground when her feet grew tired and sore. And they never spoke to her; these spirits were too small, too purposeful for such frivolities.

Milla never doubted that she'd recover the Four. No matter what happened during their journey, she never questioned that she'd succeed. Failure wasn't a possibility. But she didn't have to lose faith in the eventual outcome to realize the truth.

She'd never imagined her life without the Four, though she sometimes longed for relief from their bickering. But now that she had both that relief and the chance to merely be human that she'd longed for, she found it wasn't enough.

She'd told Jude the truth: the Four were her family. Milla knew they weren't dead, but in their absence, she still felt orphaned.