humiliatedrook

fan_flashworks

After all this time, I long to nestle my head into your shoulder again. I hear you’ve moved to my city, not far from where I live.

I miss you when I am alone with my thoughts. You are tuned into the frequency of a woman four years ago; today she requires noise and static to drown your presence out. How powerful you would feel if you knew. I convince myself you are merely a band-aid for loneliness and a nostrum for self-doubt.

Decay arcs between my fingers where your embrace used to be. Shadows bundle every time and place you yearned to kiss me and I turned away, because the moment didn’t feel right; every bar and hour we laughed and danced and you smiled at me like I was the only person in the world. You were not the first or last to look at me like that, but you were special.

Against my better instincts, I am curious to see how age has worn your face, whether you still see stars in me as much as you open my eyes to worlds I would never see otherwise. I did not love you, but I could have. 

No, I should not, cannot, will not call you. I disliked the person you became in the end; some nights, I cannot remember why. If I search for you, I will only find reminders. Time will continue to purify my memories of you. Your name inspires my poetry, but I refuse to wish that we collide at a café I know you will love when you find it.