Title: Five Things Lost
Fandom: Honor Harrington - David Weber
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~ 900 words
Content notes: Innocence takes place pre-series (the raid in Caismir is covered in the short story "Let's Dance" which is part of the "In the Fire Forged" anthology). Mentor covers events in "The Honor of the Queen". Lover spoils some events through "Field of Dishonor". Privacy is not specific, but is definitely post "In Enemy Hands" and Command probably goes all the way through to "A Rising Thunder". Trigger warning(s) - Mentor contains references to a canon incident involving the rape of PoWs and Lover contains a reference to the attempted rape of Honor by Pavel Young.
Summary: Duty and her Honor have stolen many things from Honor Harrington. Here are five of them that she regrets losing - in some cases despite of herself.
Her innocence
She swallowed. She was doing the right thing, but … Nimitz looked at her from his place in the life-support module, and nodded formally to her. "You're right Stinker. I'll take the consequences."
"Let's Dance!" The whisper echoed through the corridors of the station and she took a breath and plunged into the mayhem on the heels of the Ballroom's command team, allowing her monster just loose enough to keep her alive. This was no place for a Naval officer, but she would be damned if she allowed an atrocity to take place on her watch and her name and her family were the only tenuous controls she could wield over these men, and do that she needed to earn their respect.
But before this point the mayhem had always been at arms length. She'd trained enduess at the Coup and with every weapon required of her, but she'd never really killed people face to face, and she was a little alarmed at how good killing these slavers felt.
Her mentor
He saved her career before it had even started. He'd found her a 'safe' berth for her midshipwoman's cruise (he certainly couldn't be blamed for Elvis Santino, after all) and offered her a place at the ATC even after Caisimir. Oh she knew she'd done the right thing, but she'd also expected to lose any chance of further command - if not her commission, but he'd managed to prevent both. He'd also kicked her ass (at least verbally) when she needed it. And far too few people dared do that.
Her cowardice had got him killed. She'd run away from Yeltsin's Star and come back to find him dead at the hands of a group of bigots worse than the Graysons, who’d had the gall to rape some of her personnel after killing Madrigal.
It should have been a death ride; she’d had them play Hammerwell’s Seventh all the way in, and when she survived (she shouldn’t have done - some days she wishes she hadn’t) her reports were phrased so very carefully - it was all for duty, for the honour of her queen, but in truth, she’d unleashed her demon and come damn close to enjoying it.
Her lover
The bastard had tried to rape her at the academy and had nearly killed Nimitz in the process; his misbegotten cousin had tried to end her career before it began and it had taken her Captain’s court martial to prevent it. And then there was Basilisk. And Hancock Station. And still the Navy couldn’t shoot him.
He was a coward and had proved himself a coward, over and over again, and then he’d paid for Paul’s death. Not because Paul had wronged him, but simply as a weapon, and she’d decided that she didn’t care what the cost was. She’d let her demon loose and she’d killed the worthless bastard, because he’d stolen something more precious than life from her. Paul had taught her that someone other than her parents and Nimitz could love her unconditionally - that there were things that she live for as well as kill for, and he’d offered her hope.
Pavel Young had stolen that, and she’d sacrificed her career and offered her live to kill him. And on the field of Honor she put three bullets through his yellow heart, and fought the urge to put the fourth through her own brain. Duty was the only thing that stopped her.
Her privacy
There was a tiny part of her that hated Benjamin for how ruthlessly he took advantage of her grief over first her mentor’s death and the death of her other personnel and then her lover’s death. Oh she understood, now at least why he’d done it, but she missed the easy, lazy days of leave on Sphinx. Missed her sailboat and her hand glider.
She missed anonymity and quiet and spontaneity. But she also missed every armsman that had sacrificed himself for her and she still didn't understand why they would.
It was a game she played with her armsmen now. They gave her the allusion of privacy, and it only made her miss it all the more sometimes - there were days when she felt like a prisoner and it would be so easy to hate her Queen and her Protector, the two monarchs who had stolen it from her in the name of Duty and Honor, but Duty and Honor wouldn't let her.
Her command
She flew her flag on the most advanced ship in the Manticorian fleet and commanded several hundred superdreadnoughts. She set strategy for the entirety of the Alliance and it was for her command that they waited. Waited for her to tell them to topple a behemoth - to bring down the Solarian League because she said it could be done. They were her tool to ram into the fracture lines to shatter something that was universally considered too large to fail.
Yet she missed Hawking and both Fearless; her beautiful, now painfully obsolete Nike and even the wallowing Wayfarer and the crippled Farnese. She was the one who should be striking the blows, not the puppet-master; her place was on the command deck, but she had proven herself too good and this was the price she had to pay, and the idea of sending others into danger in her place was unpleasant to say the least.
Fandom: Honor Harrington - David Weber
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~ 900 words
Content notes: Innocence takes place pre-series (the raid in Caismir is covered in the short story "Let's Dance" which is part of the "In the Fire Forged" anthology). Mentor covers events in "The Honor of the Queen". Lover spoils some events through "Field of Dishonor". Privacy is not specific, but is definitely post "In Enemy Hands" and Command probably goes all the way through to "A Rising Thunder". Trigger warning(s) - Mentor contains references to a canon incident involving the rape of PoWs and Lover contains a reference to the attempted rape of Honor by Pavel Young.
Summary: Duty and her Honor have stolen many things from Honor Harrington. Here are five of them that she regrets losing - in some cases despite of herself.
Her innocence
She swallowed. She was doing the right thing, but … Nimitz looked at her from his place in the life-support module, and nodded formally to her. "You're right Stinker. I'll take the consequences."
"Let's Dance!" The whisper echoed through the corridors of the station and she took a breath and plunged into the mayhem on the heels of the Ballroom's command team, allowing her monster just loose enough to keep her alive. This was no place for a Naval officer, but she would be damned if she allowed an atrocity to take place on her watch and her name and her family were the only tenuous controls she could wield over these men, and do that she needed to earn their respect.
But before this point the mayhem had always been at arms length. She'd trained enduess at the Coup and with every weapon required of her, but she'd never really killed people face to face, and she was a little alarmed at how good killing these slavers felt.
Her mentor
He saved her career before it had even started. He'd found her a 'safe' berth for her midshipwoman's cruise (he certainly couldn't be blamed for Elvis Santino, after all) and offered her a place at the ATC even after Caisimir. Oh she knew she'd done the right thing, but she'd also expected to lose any chance of further command - if not her commission, but he'd managed to prevent both. He'd also kicked her ass (at least verbally) when she needed it. And far too few people dared do that.
Her cowardice had got him killed. She'd run away from Yeltsin's Star and come back to find him dead at the hands of a group of bigots worse than the Graysons, who’d had the gall to rape some of her personnel after killing Madrigal.
It should have been a death ride; she’d had them play Hammerwell’s Seventh all the way in, and when she survived (she shouldn’t have done - some days she wishes she hadn’t) her reports were phrased so very carefully - it was all for duty, for the honour of her queen, but in truth, she’d unleashed her demon and come damn close to enjoying it.
Her lover
The bastard had tried to rape her at the academy and had nearly killed Nimitz in the process; his misbegotten cousin had tried to end her career before it began and it had taken her Captain’s court martial to prevent it. And then there was Basilisk. And Hancock Station. And still the Navy couldn’t shoot him.
He was a coward and had proved himself a coward, over and over again, and then he’d paid for Paul’s death. Not because Paul had wronged him, but simply as a weapon, and she’d decided that she didn’t care what the cost was. She’d let her demon loose and she’d killed the worthless bastard, because he’d stolen something more precious than life from her. Paul had taught her that someone other than her parents and Nimitz could love her unconditionally - that there were things that she live for as well as kill for, and he’d offered her hope.
Pavel Young had stolen that, and she’d sacrificed her career and offered her live to kill him. And on the field of Honor she put three bullets through his yellow heart, and fought the urge to put the fourth through her own brain. Duty was the only thing that stopped her.
Her privacy
There was a tiny part of her that hated Benjamin for how ruthlessly he took advantage of her grief over first her mentor’s death and the death of her other personnel and then her lover’s death. Oh she understood, now at least why he’d done it, but she missed the easy, lazy days of leave on Sphinx. Missed her sailboat and her hand glider.
She missed anonymity and quiet and spontaneity. But she also missed every armsman that had sacrificed himself for her and she still didn't understand why they would.
It was a game she played with her armsmen now. They gave her the allusion of privacy, and it only made her miss it all the more sometimes - there were days when she felt like a prisoner and it would be so easy to hate her Queen and her Protector, the two monarchs who had stolen it from her in the name of Duty and Honor, but Duty and Honor wouldn't let her.
Her command
She flew her flag on the most advanced ship in the Manticorian fleet and commanded several hundred superdreadnoughts. She set strategy for the entirety of the Alliance and it was for her command that they waited. Waited for her to tell them to topple a behemoth - to bring down the Solarian League because she said it could be done. They were her tool to ram into the fracture lines to shatter something that was universally considered too large to fail.
Yet she missed Hawking and both Fearless; her beautiful, now painfully obsolete Nike and even the wallowing Wayfarer and the crippled Farnese. She was the one who should be striking the blows, not the puppet-master; her place was on the command deck, but she had proven herself too good and this was the price she had to pay, and the idea of sending others into danger in her place was unpleasant to say the least.
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