From the moment Aridan got word the Stormchasers were back in Gusthaven, he had expected Quill and Lucius to come to see him as soon as possible. While they kept in touch as much as they could, mainly through Quill sending him magical messages, it wasn’t the same as seeing each other in person. When he invited them to a private dinner, in order to give them an excuse to come to the palace, he’d expected to hear stories of perilous adventures and last-second escapes… But he hadn’t expected them to be so perilous, hadn’t expected to discover that Lucius had come within a whisper of death.

“Oh Lucius, my love, thank Siaska you survived! You’re absolutely sure you’re fine now?” Aridan asked, turning to Lucius, as Quill - who had been doing most of the talking - finished telling him how a near-frantic Nova had managed to teleport Quill to Lucius in the nick of time.

Lucius didn’t reply, just sat silently, staring at his hands, folded on the table. And now Aridan thought about it, how long was it since he’d said anything? He’d been too caught up in listening to Quill with mounting horror to notice, but it had been a while, hadn’t it? When had he gone silent?

“Lucius? Are you ok?” Aridan repeated, worried.

“I… I can’t do this,” Lucius said suddenly.

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t - if my being in danger, if my dying, would hurt you - I can’t do this,” Lucius said, standing up and turning to the door.

Aridan was frozen with shock, but Quill reacted at once, leaping into the air and landing in front of Lucius, wings spread to block his path.

“What - what do you mean, you can’t - can’t do this?”

“I can’t,” Lucius repeated. “If I die, if - I can’t.”

“What - That’s - Where’s the Lucius who told me we needed - needed to focus on the now, not the future, when I was scared?” Quill asked, wounded disbelief in every word.

“It’s different - ”

“Why?” Quill snapped, anger beginning to overtake the hurt in his voice.

Lucius just shook his head, trying to push past him, but Aridan jumped up and caught his arm.

“Lucius, wait. Talk to us,” he pleaded. “Don’t just leave.”

“Let me go. It’s - it’s better for everyone, really - ”

“Answer me first, at least,” Quill said, still sounding furious. “Why is it different? Because you’d be the one to die?”

“Because you’d be the ones who get left behind!” Lucius snapped back, suddenly angry too. “Dying is easy, it’s just giving up, giving in… It’s being left behind that hurts.”

“Oh, Lucius,” Aridan whispered, suddenly understanding.

“Let me go. Please,” Lucius repeated.

Aridan held on. “No.”

No longer looking angry, just sad and scared, Quill reached out and took Lucius’s hand, gripping it tightly. “What do you think happens, if you - if you leave now? Do you think we'll stop - stop caring about you, stop loving you? That if you died we'd just… shrug and move on? That's not how it works, Lucius. If you walk out, I'll be… hurt, I'll be mad, but I'll still love you. It will still hurt if anything happens to you.”

“I know it’s hard, losing people,” Aridan said gently. “I know it hurts. But it does get better, get easier, with time, I promise. I… I still miss my parents, I always will, but it doesn’t hurt like it did at first. I can focus on remembering all the good times we had together, on trying to be a son they’d be proud of.”

Lucius bowed his head, tears in the corners of his eyes. “I try to do that too, but it still hurts… Does it really get better with time?”

“It does, I promise. And as for you walking out now…” Aridan took a deep breath, then released Lucius’s arm. “If you really, truly, want to, I won’t stop you. No, Quill, I won’t,” he added as the aarakocra stared at him. “I won’t force him to stay, and I don’t think you will either. But don’t you see, Lucius? It just means we lose you now. If anything happened to you, it would mean losing you twice.”

Quill glared at him for a moment longer, then sighed. “You’re right. I won’t - won’t force you to stay, Lucius, not if you want to go…” He didn’t let Lucius’s hand go, but relaxed his grip, so Lucius could pull free if he chose.

“I don’t,” Lucius replied, voice breaking, clutching at Quill’s hand. “I don’t, I don’t ever want to leave you, but I’m scared… I don’t want you to be hurt because of me, but… I suppose it’s too late for that.”

“You’re my best friend, Lucius. Even before you were my boyfriend, even if you weren’t my boyfriend, it’s months and months too late for that,” Quill said softly. “And I… I don’t want to ever lose you, I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe, you know I will, we all will! I’ll bring you back if I have to! But if - if I did lose you… I’d want to have lots of good memories with you, to know that we were as happy together as we could possibly be.”

“That sounds nice,” Lucius whispered slowly.

Aridan nodded. “I never want to lose you, but it would be worth the pain of losing you to have loved you, to have been loved by you.”

“I’m sorry,” Lucius said, wiping his eyes, then holding his arms out to both of them. Immediately, Quill and Aridan pulled him into a tight hug. “I’m an idiot.”

“No you’re not. You just panicked, that’s all,” Aridan said. “You were just trying to protect us…”

“Just like we tried to protect you, before, when we didn’t want to tell you we liked you,” Quill added. “We were wrong, but we meant well, just like you did.”

“Thank you,” Lucius said softly. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be sorry.” Aridan kissed his cheek.

“Just… don’t leave,” Quill said quietly. “Tell us, when you’re worried or scared. Don’t - don’t hide it.”

Lucius nodded. “I’ll try.”

They stood there for a while, holding each other close. Then a tap at the door interrupted them, and they sprang apart. No-one came in, however - Aridan had given strict instructions on that, framing it as a matter of security - but a servant called through the door, asking if they wished for the next course. With a glance at the still-laden plates which they’d all mostly ignored while Quill was talking, Aridan requested a few more minutes, and waved the others back to the table.

“Are you ok, Lucius?” he asked as they took their seats, looking at him searchingly.

Lucius nodded, giving him a small, rather embarrassed smile. “I am. I’m so sorry I panicked like that.”

“You should learn from me, I never panic!” Quill teased him gently, making him laugh. “It’s ok, Lucius. We’re here for you.”

They ate in silence for a bit. Aridan kept an eye on both his boyfriends, feeling guilty he’d been too absorbed in listening to Quill to notice how Lucius’s panic must have been mounting up. He didn’t mean to make that mistake again! Lucius really did look much calmer now, but Quill seemed to be thinking something over.

Finally, Quill looked up, clearly reaching a decision. “Lucius… you said before… dying isn’t - it isn’t easy. I - there is peace, once you go beyond the Cradle, but that moment, of - of knowing you have to go, have to leave things undone, have to leave the people you love… It isn’t easy. It isn’t just… It’s not giving in. You wouldn’t - wouldn’t... give in, would you?”

“No, I wouldn’t!” Lucius reassured him. “I wouldn’t do that to you!”

“Not - not just for us, Lucius, for yourself.”

“I wouldn’t give in,” Lucius repeated.

Quill gave him a long look, while Aridan watched them both quietly. When Lucius had said all that, he’d been more struck by the realisation that this sudden panic must be connected to Lucius’s grief for his parents. But now Quill had asked about it, it was troubling that Lucius had spoken of dying as giving in… Did some part of him blame his parents for dying? Blame Quill, perhaps, for his own death? It was strange, too, to hear Quill talk about his death at all. He’d never brought it up in Aridan’s hearing before… How much did it still hurt him, still haunt him?

At last, Quill nodded. “Ok. We’ll… we’ll keep each other safe.”

“We will,” Lucius said, smiling at him. “Now, shall we talk about something else? Oh! We haven’t told Aridan what Sentry did yet!”

The rest of that course passed more easily, as Quill and Lucius finished telling Aridan the story of their dramatic last-minute victory. That done, they passed on to other, lighter, topics for the remainder of the meal. Finally, once dinner was over, they moved to one of Aridan’s comfortable sofas, to cuddle and kiss and just enjoy each other’s company. Quill couldn’t kiss Lucius or Aridan like they kissed each other, of course… When they first started dating, Aridan had felt guilty about that, felt guilty about kissing Lucius, when he couldn’t kiss Quill the same way; but Quill had just laughed at him, saying he enjoyed the sight. And as they’d soon worked out, that didn’t mean they couldn’t kiss at all… Quill could rub his feathery head against theirs in the aarakocra equivalent of a kiss, and the elves could - and did - kiss him, kiss his beak, his soft downy cheeks.

“We should probably go,” Quill said at last, with great reluctance.

“Not yet,” Lucius replied, pouting at Quill and cuddling closer to Aridan.

“Couldn’t you… stay?” Aridan asked slowly. It was risky, of course, it might undo the secrecy they’d worked so hard to maintain, but he couldn’t bear the thought of letting them out of his sight just yet. “I know you’ll have to leave soon, to keep on saving the world… But just for tonight, could you stay?”

“Oh! Yes, I think so,” Quill said, looking much happier.

“Do you mean…” Lucius hesitated a second, then switched to Elvish. “Stay the night, or ‘stay the night’?” he asked, the phrasing of the second one making it clear it was a euphemism. “Because… I’d like to either way.”

“Oh!” Aridan felt his cheeks grow hot. “I wasn’t thinking of - well, I have thought about it quite a bit, I admit, but I just wanted to keep you close a bit longer. But if you want to…”

“Just - just to be sure, you’re talking about - about, umm… us sleeping together?” Quill asked in Common, looking between them.

“Oh! Yes, I’m so sorry, that was terribly rude,” Lucius replied, switching back. “Your Elvish is so good, I forget you might not understand some things.”

“It’s fine,” Quill said with a smile. “But… are you sure, Lucius? I know you’ve been thinking about it, but - well - you did nearly walk out earlier…”

“I don’t want to rush you into anything!” Aridan added, pushing away a tiny twinge of disappointment, annoyed with himself for feeling it at all. He hadn’t even been thinking about their sleeping together tonight until Lucius brought it up! And much as the suggestion had thrilled him, Lucius’s wellbeing came first.

“I panicked before. I’m not panicking now, and I’m very sure,” Lucius said simply, then frowned. “Wait, how do you know I’ve been thinking about it?”

Quill chuckled. “You have many wonderful qualities, but subtlety isn’t one of them! And it’s not one of Howard’s strong points either.”

Lucius went red. “I just asked him some hypothetical questions! I wanted advice, and he’s been married! I didn’t know who else to ask!”

“Did those hypothetical questions include asking him if he’d ever - ever been with an aarakocra, by any chance?”

“I’m not that dumb, I didn’t ask anything that obvious,” Lucius retorted, then admitted, “I did ask him if he’d ever had a boyfriend who wasn’t a halfling, though…”

“Well, I - I guess it’s good he decided your ‘hypotheticals’ were about me and not… not one the wolfpack, say,” Quill mused. “Or about him!”

Lucius went even redder, if possible. “Oh no, I never thought of that… Did he ask you anything embarrassing?”

“Not really, he just asked if aarakocra ever dated other races, things like that. Don’t worry about it! It’s sweet you wanted to be - be prepared,” Quill reassured him, then looked over at Aridan. “Aridan, do - do you want to - well - do you?”

Aridan nodded, letting go of the worry that the Stormchaser’s cook - who apparently was not very discreet - might know, or at least guess, about their relationship. There was nothing he could do about it, after all! There were more important things to think about here. “I do want to, very much, but only if both of you are sure you want to do this now! You haven’t said how you feel, Quill…”

“I…” Quill took a deep breath and released it, then said, “Yes. I’d love to - though you should know I’ve never - yes. Yes, I want to. I really want to. But Lucius…”

“I want to. Really,” Lucius said. “I know I was an idiot earlier - ”

“You’re not an idiot,” Aridan interrupted. “You just got scared.”

“Well, I was scared then, but I’m not scared now. I love you both so much, and we don’t know when we’ll all be together again… We should take our chance now, make some more good memories,” he said, smiling at them both.

“I like that,” Quill said softly.

Aridan kissed them both. “So do I.”

“So, um - do either of you - have you ever, um… done this before?” Quill asked. When Aridan and Lucius both shook their heads, he continued, “Ok, I guess we - we’ll just have to figure it out together… Where - where do we start?”

“I suppose we should move to my bedroom?” Aridan asked, trying to keep his voice steady and surprised at how much of an effort it was. When he’d let himself daydream about this moment, he’d always been much more suave and self-confident…

“Less clothes?” Lucius said at the same time, voice rising on the last word.

“Less - less nerves might help too!” Quill said, laughing suddenly, and the two elves started giggling too.

“Howard did give me some useful advice, actually,” Lucius said. “He said the first time can be a bit awkward, but the important thing was to make sure everyone was happy and comfortable… and to not be afraid to laugh the awkwardness away.”

“That’s excellent advice, I’ll keep it in mind,” Aridan said, smiling, then rose to his feet and held out a hand to each of them. Time to try this again… He really did feel less nervous after their shared laughter, at least. “Shall we move somewhere more comfortable, then?”

Lucius and Quill stood up too, each taking one of his hands. Still a little bit nervous, but most of all excited, Aridan pulled them both close to him and led them to his room.