Title: The Opposite of Apples
Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Length: 250
Rating: G
Characters: Julian Bashir, Elim Garak
Content notes: no warnings apply
Summary: Another day, another argument between friends over lunch in the Replimat. This one's partly about fruit.



“Garak, that’s not fair! You’re comparing apples and oranges.”

“What is that supposed to mean, Doctor?”

“It means – judging something in terms of a different category.”

“But apples and oranges are both fruits, yes?”

“Yes, and they taste nothing like each other!”

“So this is about how things taste?”

“No – I mean, not necessarily.”

Julian twisted his hands in frustration. Why was communication with Garak always so difficult?

“Apples are also a species of repellant, yes?”

“A species of – where on earth did you get that idea, Garak?”

“One of your Terran proverbs,” Garak said. “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.”

“That’s just a way of saying that fruit – well, and a healthy diet generally – oh wait, you’re winding me up, aren’t you, you wretch?”

“Winding you up?”

“Pulling my leg.”

“Really, Doctor, what an improper suggestion!” Garak waggled his hands in the air with an expression of injured innocence.

“You know perfectly well what I mean,” Julian said, trying not to smile. “Stop pretending to be obtuse.”

“I, Doctor?”

“Yes, you, Garak.”

“Well,” Garak said, in mock offence, but his eyes were bright with amusement. “Clearly I need to replicate a regular supply of oranges.”

“You’d be better off asking Quark to import them,” Julian said. “But why oranges?”

“I have it on good authority that they’re the opposite of apples,” Garak said, with a look that reminded Julian of the first time they met. “So if an apple a day keeps the doctor away…”

Julian blushed.