Title: Walked Upon the Edge of No Escape
Fandom: Guardian
Rating: Teen
Length: ~1000
Author's note: Also a fill for whumptober and my hc-bingo card (panic attacks). Set post-canon where everyone but Ye Zun lives.
Content notes: Depiction of a panic attack.
Summary: After everything is done and over, Shen Wei returns to the Dijun Palace.


Shen Wei strolled through the Dijun Palace, dark energy spread around him. He used his power to check for any structural damage: while it seemed like Dixing would at last update its governing system, the Palace remained the biggest and most representative building. If they could keep using it, it would be a great help.

But almost no one had actually been inside since . . . Since.

There didn't seem to be a lot of damage overall, which was a welcome surprise. Shen Wei had been sure it would be in worse shape. Then he turned a corner and stopped dead.

Zhao Yunlan—blood—Ye Zun—

Shen Wei was shaking. He couldn't breathe. He had to make sure Zhao Yunlan was—

"Shen Wei?!"

—fine.

Shen Wei was only vaguely aware that he'd opened a portal to their flat. He couldn't stand. He slid to the ground. There was a calm voice, but his chest hurt and his heart was threatening to explode and he kept inhaling and couldn't get enough air into his lungs—

"Shen Wei. You're safe. No, wait, you probably aren't worried about that. One day we'll talk about your priorities. But. I'm safe. Look at me."

Shen Wei opened his eyes. Zhao Yunlan was right next to him. Unharmed.

"That's good, baby. Breathe in. Slowly."

Shen Wei tried. He did. He didn't want to worry Zhao Yunlan. He—

He was dizzy and Zhao Yunlan was hurt and bleeding, tied to the pillar, Ye Zun attacking him—

"Shen Wei, I'm right here."

Shen Wei hadn't realised he'd closed his eyes anew. He opened them again. Zhao Yunlan was next to him. Shen Wei had known as much, it was only that . . .

"Breathe," Zhao Yunlan told him again, and this time Shen Wei managed a few slower breaths. Zhao Yunlan continued speaking. "That's it, xiao-Wei. It's okay. Breathe in, breathe out." Zhao Yunlan started counting for him, and Shen Wei struggled to calm down his breathing enough to follow the pattern.

In and out. In, out.

Zhao Yunlan was right there. Why did the fear still grip Shen Wei so strongly?

"Is it okay if I touch you?"

Always. Why was this a question? Shen Wei nodded.

Zhao Yunlan pulled him into a loose embrace—not restricting Shen Wei's movements in any way, just enough that Shen Wei could feel him there, next to him. It was . . . good. Zhao Yunlan went back to counting for him quietly, and Shen Wei slowly, so very slowly calmed down.

His whole body hurt. He rather felt as if he'd been fighting for hours.

"I'm sorry," he said. His reaction had been . . . uncalled for.

Zhao Yunlan jerked away. "For having a panic attack? Are you serious?"

Shen Wei frowned. He hadn't—he'd overreacted, that was all—

Zhao Yunlan sighed and pulled him in closer again. "I'm going to let this pass without arguing because you're more upset than me, but really, xiao-Wei. And before you continue your apologies, I'm glad you came to me. Even if it looked like an unconscious decision."

"I had to make sure you were okay," Shen Wei muttered dejectedly.

Zhao Yunlan stroked along his back. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Shen Wei let his head drop against Zhao Yunlan's shoulder. "I was in the Palace," he explained, hoping Zhao Yunlan would understand the rest without him saying. He usually did, in his leaps of intelligence and intuition. And it felt so stupid when Shen Wei thought of a way to describe what happened. It was just a room! "I didn't—"

Zhao Yunlan's arms tightened around him for a brief moment. He nodded. "I'm happy to keep sitting here," he said, voice carefully light, "but there are blankets on the sofa?"

Shen Wei certainly could move if Zhao Yunlan wanted him to. He liked being in Zhao Yunlan's arms, but it was selfish to force him to sit on the floor. "If you'll be more comfortable—"

"That's a no, then," Zhao Yunlan spoke over him. He ran one hand through Shen Wei's hair in a soothing motion. Shen Wei relaxed further almost against himself.

"Thank you," he said, because it was important that Zhao Yunlan knew how much Shen Wei appreciated him.

Zhao Yunlan huffed. "No need. But promise me something."

"Yes?"

"Don't go back there without me."

Shen Wei's first instinct was to bristle. He was capable of doing his job. It was in the past, anyway; he would be okay now. No reason why he wouldn't be.

"I'll worry otherwise, xiao-Wei," Zhao Yunlan added when Shen Wei didn't say anything, and oh, he was playing dirty. Shen Wei maybe should've expected it, but he was still feeling somehow . . . fragile. He was sure that any attempt at reassuring Zhao Yunlan would fail immediately.

"It's boring work," he tried.

"Watching you use your powers is never boring, Brother Black," Zhao Yunlan argued. "The opposite. And a rare treat outside of a fight! Really, you'll be making me a favour."

Shen Wei wanted to give him a look, but that would require him to move away, and he was content the way he was, his face angled towards Zhao Yunlan's neck. "Dixing is still dangerous for Haixingren."

"It's not like we'll stay long," Zhao Yunlan answered immediately. "You won't outstubborn me here."

Shen Wei sighed. He suspected Zhao Yunlan was correct. He was always unnecessarily stubborn when he thought Shen Wei wasn't taking care of himself.

"You'll stay next to me the whole time," Shen Wei said.

He could hear Zhao Yunlan's grin.

"That's rather the point." Zhao Yunlan pressed a kiss to Shen Wei's cheek. "You don't have to do it all alone, you know."

Didn't he? Everything was a consequence of Ye Zun's actions, which meant it was Shen Wei's fault. The least he could do was take responsibility. He knew better than to say that out loud, though. They'd had that argument. Repeatedly. And there were councils and meetings and negotiations, and other people had stepped up, and—

He could admit, if only to himself, that sometimes he was tired. And he was used to it, but this time it'd affected Zhao Yunlan, which was unacceptable. He'd do better in the future.

But first, he'd be selfish just for five minutes longer. The prospect of leaving Zhao Yunlan's warm embrace was too scary just yet. So he didn't say anything and held Zhao Yunlan—warm, alive, safe—back.