title: Five Things Zhao Yunlan Didn't Know About Dixingren Biology and Never Thought to Ask
fandom: Guardian
length: ~600 words
content notes: post-series crack, really this is crack, is it mpreg if it's aliens?

summary: It's a surprise!



1. Their biology is different

Really, he knew this! Descended from aliens, dark energy, weird powers, and all that. It's just that he thought his knowledge of Yashou would carry him far enough. Never mind that the whole reason there are Yashou is that some aliens bonded with Haixingren life. (By implication: SOME DID NOT.)

It came up first in some old poetry. Apparently Dixingren lovers can create a permanent bond through a transfer of energy? Shen Wei refused to blush at Zhao Yunlan's fairly impertinent question about, ahem, ~energy transfers, and instead gave him a long and technical explanation that lost Zhao Yunlan somewhere around the third sentence, but he kept nodding along.

Something-something both people willing, something-something causing a kind of biological resonance that allows for all sorts of subtle changes in response to the other person. Food tastes converge, height differences even out, that kind of thing. Competitive reproductive strategies, merging genetic strengths and isolating bad recessive traits in a small population, etcetera etcetera.

Looking back, he really should've paid more attention. But whatever his intentions toward Shen Wei at the time, Zhao Yunlan was Haixingren and woefully lacking in dark energy, so there was nothing to trigger a bond. Case closed.

(By the time he was no longer lacking in dark energy, he'd forgotten about the biological complications. Whoops.)

2. Their biology is different

The possibility that their reproductive systems might use dark energy to allow any gender to get pregnant just never occurred to him. Who thinks of that?

See also biological resonance and permanent bonds and how he didn't realize that when Shen Wei kissed him ten thousand years ago they kinda sorta got energy married. (For the record, Zhao Yunlan would've been enthusiastically on board with this at the time, but no one explained it in small enough words.)

So when they've saved the world and moved in together, and he and Shen Wei had the quick, mostly half-spoken conversation about how maybe they don't need condoms any more, Zhao Yunlan didn't realize all the potential consequences.

3. Their biology is different

Yeah, so, apparently if one member of a bonded pair can't carry a child for whatever reason -- illness, physical frailty, or, y'know, stubborn Haixingren male biology -- their partner's reproductive system will shift to compensate.

If Zhao Yunlan had been Dixingren, or asked the right questions, it would've been obvious why Shen Wei suddenly started dragging him off to the bedroom even more frequently than usual. Instead, he translated Shen Wei's impatient comment about 'hormones' into 'horny,' and enthusiastically agreed.

4. Their biology is different

A pregnant Dixingren's expansive nesting instincts were legendary. (In Dixing.)

Shen Wei had always kept a spotless apartment, and his dedication to cleaning and starching his own clothing was truly awe-inspiring, but Zhao Yunlan came home one evening to find him ironing Zhao Yunlan's jeans. The ones with a zillion holes in them that are intended to be ratty and disreputable.

Ironing. Denim.

-- and looking damn cute while doing it, which, well, Zhao Yunlan found very distracting and therefore failed to ask the right questions. (Thankfully, Shen Wei remembered to unplug the iron before anything caught on fire, but it did leave a scorch mark on the ironing board.)

4. ... but not that different

When the truth finally comes out, and Zhao Yunlan has reassured Shen Wei that his shocking ignorance should IN NO WAY be taken as a sign that he doesn't actively and enthusiastically want the baby, Shen Wei, and the family they've made together--

"Do they photosynthesize?"

"Babies? Why would they photosynthesize?"

"Just checking! How am I supposed to know?"

"They're babies, Zhao Yunlan."

...

"What about glowing? Do they glow?"

"No."

"Speak telepathically?"

"Not until they're older, and then probably only with each other."

"You're joking, aren't you?"

"Am I?"

...

"Wait. Each other? Are we having twins?"