title: pics or it didn't happen
fandom: Guardian
length: ~350 words
charcters: Da Qing & Zhao Yunlan
contents: no spoilers, humor, gag gifts, embarrassment

summary: Da Qing can’t be angry about the stupid cat sweater Zhao Yunlan got for him, can he?


“Stop!” Da Qing skids into Zhao Yunlan’s office, looking around wildly. “Give it back, right now!”

“What?” Zhao Yunlan looks up, pausing just as he was about to rip into the red-wrapped package.

Da Qing’s eyes widen and he pounces, both hands wrapped around the gift faster than Zhao Yunlan can follow. “You can’t have it!”

“Hey!” Zhao Yunlan tries to pull the package closer to himself automatically, but Da Qing won’t let go. “What the fuck?”

They both hear the rip as the paper tears. Zhao Yunlan glances down at where a hint of red fabric peeks out, and Da Qing freezes.

“You have no idea what you’ve done,” the cat hisses, pulling his hands back as if burnt.

Zhao Yunlan stares at the cat, who throws himself into the opposite chair and curls up so that his back is entirely to Zhao Yunlan. He looks well and truly offended.

Zhao Yunlan looks down at the floppy thing in his hands. They’re supposed to be gag gifts; that’s the whole point of this made-up holiday. So Da Qing can’t be angry about the stupid cat sweater Zhao Yunlan got for him, can he?

Cautiously, Zhao Yunlan expands the rip in the paper. More fabric, red and knitted, and it looks oddly familiar…

Zhao Yunlan shakes the whole thing out suddenly. It’s the same sweater he got for Da Qing, human-sized, only this one says ‘DUMB FUQ’ on the front instead of ‘FAT FUQ.’

Zhao Yunlan breaks out laughing as he holds the sweater up to his chest admiringly. “Aha! We match!”

“Burn it," Da Qing says, his voice flat with despair.

“I couldn’t do that!” he protests. “I could never burn such a precious expression of our love.”

Da Qing curls up more tightly in the chair. “Shut up.”

“We could wear them out together!”

“Never.”

“But it’s fate!” Zhao Yunlan is laughing so hard he can barely get the words out. “You, me, our matching ugly sweaters. Who could resist?”

Da Qing buries his face in his hands. “I hate you. I truly, truly hate you.”

(He says it again that afternoon, when Zhao Yunlan posts a photo of the two sweaters, side by side, on the SID group chat.)