Fandom: Torchwood

Characters: Jack, Tosh

Author: m_findlow

Rating: PG

Length: 1,494 words

Content notes: Spoilers for Episode 2.3 - To the last man

Author notes: Written for Challenge 283 - Tomorrow

Summary: Jack and Tosh mull over whether there is ever a way to change the future.


When Jack stood at the door and rung the bell, he half expected Tosh wouldn't answer it. That she didn't even make him wait, surprised him even more.

'Hey,' Jack said, seeing her expression, a mixture of trying to be indifferent and disappointed, which resulted in a generally miserable look that was only half heartedly suppressed. 'Guess I'm not really your favourite person right now, huh?' Jack asked, having come here with the express purpose of checking on her. If she slammed the door in his face right now he wouldn't blame her.

'Still raining outside I see,' she replied, taking in Jack's sodden appearance.

Jack brushed a hand down his coat sleeve, discarding some of the raindrops that had yet to soak into the thick wool, keeping most of him still dry on the inside. 'Yeah. Needed some fresh air. Thought the walk would help,' he added, having trekked the six miles to Tosh's apartment, leaving the SUV behind for the team. He didn't expect they'd need it, but you never knew. In truth he did need to clear his head. Some cases were just harder than others and ones with a human cost were always the hardest.

'You'd better come in, then,' Tosh said, pulling the door open a little wider, admitting him entry into her small but precious personal space. As a rule, Jack didn't like to invade the private lives of his people. Their apartments were the one place they were supposed to be bale to go to escape from Torchwood for a little while and he respected that. Torchwood invaded enough of their lives as it was. 'I'll just go fetch you a towel,' Tosh said.

Jack shrugged out of his coat, careful not to shake more water on the polished floorboards as he hung it in the hook by the door. 'Thanks.' He toed his boots off as well, leaving them neatly beside her own sneakers. It made him feel vulnerable, standing there in socks - like he wouldn't be able to just suddenly take off into action.

'Here you go,' Tosh said, efficiently having returned with a fawn coloured towel. Jack wrapped it around his head and scrubbed hard, relishing the softness of the towel as it drew away the dampness, patting his face and neck dry before handing it back.

'Can I get you a cup of tea?'

'A fresh towel and a cup of tea?' Jack queried. 'What did I do to deserve that?'

Jack watched as she galvanised herself. 'You came here to talk about Tommy. I'm going to need one if that's the case.'

Jack felt his stomach clench at the sudden transparency of his visit. It was easy to forget that even on her worst day, Tosh was as astute as anyone he'd ever met. Of course he'd come here to talk about Tommy. He'd tried palming off responsibility onto Owen, telling him to go after her and make sure she was okay, but deep down he knew it was his job. It was always his job, to look after the people who worked for him. He might even say it was his only job.

He followed her into the kitchen, following her every move as she set the kettle on, reached down into the cupboard where the mugs lived and unscrewed the lid from the jar containing teabags, setting one in each mug. Two more mugs sat in the sink unwashed from the night before. He was studying her body language, trying to gauge just how far into the grieving process she was. It felt like she'd only known Tommy for a few days, yet they'd struck up something that would take more than a few days to forget. Today would be tough, but tomorrow it would get easier.

'I would have gone in his place,' Jack began, sitting down on the kitchen stool whilst the kettle burbled and steamed.

'You might have changed the future if you did,' she replied. She set her hands on the benchtop. 'It happened how it was supposed to. Torchwood wrote us those reports. They saw us. They knew they had to get the old Tommy out of there so our Tommy could stop the time shift.'

'Not everything that happens in the past can change the future.'

Tosh paused and studied him. 'What would have happened to you? If you'd gone?'

Jack shrugged as Tosh began pouring water into the the mugs. 'Gerald and Harriet would have been livid. I'd have to tell them I wasn't the me they knew. I'd have had to leave, go somewhere else, live out all the years up until now so I didn't cross my own timeline.'

'Sounds lonely.'

'I'd manage,' Jack said, preferring not to think about it. After so many years of transience, he was finally enjoying being rooted to one particular place and one set of people he liked to think of more as friends that coworkers - more family than employees.

'You wouldn't be you anymore,' Tosh said. 'You'd have lived a whole other life in between. You might not want to come back after that.'

Jack stared down into his mug, watching the way the milk swirled and combined with the amber liquid. Just last night he'd told Ianto that going back home wouldn't change anything, and that he was right where he was meant to be - that he loved him and wouldn't change that for the world. But love was one thing and duty was another. All good soldiers knew that duty came before everything. Tommy had known it and so did Jack. To protect the ones you loved, you had to give up yourself, even if it meant leaving them behind to live their lives.

'It doesn't matter,' Tosh said, cupping her own mug between her hands for warmth. 'It wasn't a thing. We were only together for a day.'

'You can't love someone in a day?' Jack challenged. He'd done it more times than he could count.

'If I did wouldn't I have gone and stayed with him?' Her eyes welled up as she said it, like she'd betrayed Tommy by leaving him to face his fate alone.

'You did go and stay with him, making sure he did what had to be done. You risked your life to send that psychic projection.'

'Doesn't feel like it,' she replied, unable to meet his gaze. 'All those years we had to prepare for this and we still ended up killing him.'

'His fate was sealed from the moment he walked into that village hall and signed up for the army.' Jack sipped the scalding tea, letting it burn all the way down. It was easier to blame the war for what would become of Tommy than to think that Torchwood had signed his death warrant. It was a fine line to draw the distinction .

'I get it,' Tosh said. 'I just wish it didn't hurt so much. I know it wasn't really love. I mean, we were two people from completely different worlds. We had enough in common to get through a day together, but it wasn't like we could live out our entire lives together. Maybe if I hadn't wasted that day drinking and playing pool with him I might have figured out a way way to send the time key back and activate it remotely.'

Maybe she could have and maybe she couldn't, Jack thought. Self fulfilling prophecies and loops in time were tricky to navigate at the best of times. Sometimes the easiest thing to do was not to fight it - just let the inevitable play itself out. 'Sometimes the more you try to fight fate, the more determined it is to have its own way,' he said.

'So, we just have to tell ourselves that things would have turned out like this no matter to what we'd done, and that everything we did do was a waste of time.' Jack hated how bitter and jaded it sounded coming from the one person who was always so bubbly and upbeat.

Jack shook his head. 'Not a waste. You gave Tommy a glimpse of the world he was fighting so hard to save. Without that, maybe he never would have agreed to go back and fix the tears. You showed him the future was worth saving.'

Tosh twirled the mug around in her hand. 'He just couldn't save himself.'

Jack reached across the counter and took her free hand, squeezing it gently but firmly, and not letting it go. 'I'm sorry I can't give you the happy ending you deserve.'

'I don't think we get happy endings, do we, Jack?'

The tone of resignation in her voice broke his heart. Why shouldn't they? No one sacrificed more than they did. 'Tomorrow is a brand new day. Anything is possible. Tomorrow is possible because of the sacrifice Tommy made, just remember that. If that's not love, I don't know what is.'