Title: Breathing Space
Fandom: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D
Pairing: Skye/Grant Ward
Rating: Teen
Length: 781 words
Challenge: #23: Secrets also for @trope_bingo ’s prompt: secret identities
Content Notes: mentions past abuse, mild swearing, angst
Author Notes: This is a sequel to A Path Less Clear but totally stands on its own. Takes place shortly after 1x08.
Summary: In a dark motel room Grant Ward thinks back on what made him leave S.H.I.E.L.D. behind.



It feels like an oven in here. He’s sweating through his clothes even though the hard floor still feels cold beneath him. This stupid motel is at capacity, so even with a broken thermostat and only one bed, they’re kind of stuck here. Rain spatters loudly against the lone window as he counts the beats between thunder and lightning. He’s not sure how long he’s been lying awake. It’s been almost two weeks since they left S.H.I.E.L.D.. Two weeks of crappy take-out food and seedy motel rooms. Two weeks of just the two of them. He smiles into the darkness.

Tonight they’re somewhere in Pennsylvania. He’s pretty sure. He hasn’t been sleeping well and everything is starting to blur together. Ward thought the nightmares would end once he left S.H.I.E.L.D. and HYDRA behind. He'd done the right thing, taking himself out of the equation. The dreams should have stopped.

It’s all because of the Berserker Staff. He just had to pick the damn thing up. The rage had been bad enough, but the way that the memories kept flooding back, that was the poison in his veins. It was infecting him. He used to be able to lie to himself about John Garrett’s intentions. He could tell himself that John only wanted what was best for him; that he’d saved Ward. He hadn’t. Maybe he could have if he’d been someone else, but he wasn’t, and he didn’t. Garrett broke him, even worse than he was already broken. Then he’d remade him into something he could use. Grant Ward: tool. Well, he’s done with that shit now.

The Berserker Staff brought everything to the surface. The emotions, the abuse, the manipulation; all of it. It shoved it all in front of his face so he couldn’t help but see it. So he left. It isn’t that simple. Not only did he leave, but he took Skye with him. Innocent Skye who still thinks of Grant Ward as a bonafide hero. Skye who has no idea who she’s really running away with. Who she should really be running from.

He hears the faint rustling of polyester sheets as Skye tosses and turns in the bed. The Grant Ward she knows is a gentleman who would never suggest they share a bed. That Grant Ward is an Idiot.

The thunder rattles the flimsy walls and Skye bolts upright. “What -- Huh?”

“It’s just a storm, go back to sleep,” he tells her, keeping his voice gentle.

“You’re awake?" Her voice is thick and syrupy.

He loves her like this, soft and trusting. "Yeah, couldn’t really sleep much -- the storm.” He lies. It’s the nightmares that are keeping him awake again, but he isn’t telling her that. He can’t. He’ll tell her everything eventually. Just not now. Not yet.

Skye raises her arms above her head in a luxurious stretch. “I told you the floor was going to be too hard. You can come up here you know, plenty of room. I don't bite."

"I'm fine. I've fallen asleep in places a lot less charming than this hovel, believe me." Truth.

"That doesn't mean you should suffer if you don't need to, Ward.” She pats the empty space beside her.

He wants to join her. He’s pretty sure the real him would slide right in beside Skye without a second thought. Is there even a *real him* anymore or did John Garrett ruin that too? He ruined everything else. But that’s giving him too much credit, isn’t it? Grant knows he’s responsible for his own actions. Just like he knows he should warn Coulson and the team about Garrett and HYDRA. But he hasn’t yet, has he?

“I’m good, really. As soon as the storm passes I’ll be able to sleep,” Ward says. It might be the truth.

“Suit yourself, Super Spy. I’m going back to sleep. At least one of us should get some rest.” She lays back down and pulls the covers over her. “Back on the road tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah, next stop is New Hampshire.” He has a bolt-hole there with substantial funds and supplies stashed away. They’re going to need them.

He listens to Skye for a while. All the little noises she makes as she slips back into unconsciousness. He has no idea what made her say yes to this adventure with him, but he offers a small prayer of thanks to whatever it was. He may not believe in god these days, but after his time with both HYDRA and S.H.I.E.L.D., he knows the world is a much bigger place than he learned as a child and he’s grateful for whatever scrap of goodness he can get.