Title: In Purrsuit of Fish
Fandom: Guardian
Rating: PG, mainly for gratuitous use of the word 'fuck'.
Length: 815 words
Content notes: No warnings applicable. Written for challenge 262: hungry and also 'keeping score' on my bingo card.
Author notes: Based off this gif, because how could I not?
Summary: Zhao Yunlan tries to prank Da Qing. It doesn't go exactly to plan.



The key to the prank was the timing. Da Qing had to be hungry, hungry enough to come running at the sound of food, but not so hungry he would march in in his human form and demand feeding. Oh, and also he needed to be out of the flat long enough for the tape to be put in place. That or asleep. Asleep would do, actually. He'd been planning this long enough to not want to wait any longer.

Checking to make sure the damn cat was asleep - curled up on the swing, tail draped over his nose, apparently chasing dream mice or whatever the fuck Yashou would chase in a dream... all good - Yunlan fished out the tape from under the cushion on the couch and casually strolled over to the kitchen area. With one last furtive glance over at Da Qing he turned the roll of tape over in his hands, trying to find the end and then swearing silently when it deliberately hid itself from him, no matter how he ran his fingers over it or picked at potential ends.

Eventually, though, he found it and, good humour restored, he stuck the loose end to the side of the breakfast bar and pulled it carefully across the gap to the side of the oven, fixing it in place with a satisfied - and possibly slightly manic, not that he would ever admit it - grin. Perfect. No, not perfect but purrfect. Yes, purrfect. Snipping the end of the tape clear, Yunlan rubbed his hands together and carefully stepped over the tape into the kitchen proper. Payback was sweet, oh yeah.

Picking up the bag of dried fish snacks he'd left conveniently out of Da Qing's sight, Yunlan rustled it vigourously, stretching precariously round the corner to make sure it was working. Come on, come on...

Da Qing's ears twitched, his nose quivered, then his head rose from his front paws. At the second rustle Da Qing rocketed to his feet and leapt off the swing, sending it careening wildly in every direction as he made a beeline for the kitchen.

And in three, two, one...

Yunlan stared in disbelief as Da Qing hopped over the strip of tape without even seeming to realise it was there until he was already over it. Fuck. Da Qing paused, looked at him, then back at the tape with a bewildered blink, before his eyes narrowed. Oh fuck. "Lao Zhao!" he howled, leaping at him with a swipe of his paws, not even bothering to keep his claws sheathed either, the damn cat. Da Qing rebounded to land on the kitchen counter as Yunlan dodged the tiny ball of furry fury by the skin of his teeth. "Did you really think you could trick the king of cats, the one who stands at the top of the food chain, with a pathetic attempt like that?"

"Oh, come on," he wheedled. "It was just a joke, don't take it so seriously."

There was a blur of motion and where one moment cat Da Qing had been crouched on the counter, now a human Da Qing sat there with his legs hanging over the edge, eyes narrowed and calculating. A heartbeat later he pushed himself off and stalked towards Yunlan, his fingers twitching ominously. Yunlan held the bag over his head and out of Da Qing's reach, because he's a responsible adult like that, who cares what his father says.

"Don't joke about food, Lao Zhao," was the sharp retort. "Give me the fish and no one has to get hurt."

"Like you could ever," Yunlan goaded. "You want it, come and get it."

Those were foolish words, because instead of aiming high Da Qing went low, hitting Yunlan riiiight in the ticklish spot he would never admit to, and he would equally never admit to the squawk of laughter that came out of his mouth as Da Qing went for the kill. Snatching the bag out of his hand as he bent over, wheezing, Da Qing gave him a triumphant smirk, which Yunlan responded to with a half-hearted rude gesture.

"Owwww," he whined, making his way over to the couch and flopping down onto it.

"That's what you get," Da Qing told him smugly, pointing at him with a piece of dried fish. "Never get between a cat and his fish, you should have learnt this by now. Or are you still a kitten who needs hunting lessons?"

Yunlan grabbed the cushion and threw it at the damn cat, who didn't even have the decency to look appropriately chagrined, and just laughed at him instead. Still, once Da Qing's hunger was sated he flopped down on the couch beside him, squirming his way under Yunlan's arm and settling in at his side with a contented purr.

Alright, fine. Payback could wait until another day.