Title: staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer
Fandom: tvd
Rating: teen
Length: ~800 words
Author notes: gen, title from birdy's skinny love

The spell John had Bonnie try was designed for an ordinary human.
There is no saving to be had.

Elena wakes up with a terrible hunger in her gums, doesn’t need to look in the mirror to know what happened. The elixir never had a chance to work, and there’s a new hatred when she thinks of Damon. She’s excused his actions for far too long, god he killed Jeremy- Jeremy.

There’s a new clarity in her heart and mind, would happily stake anyone that dared touch her little brother now. And she could. Elena runs her tongue across the bottom of her teeth, imagines fangs. Perhaps it was always meant to be like this, that her face is drawn to immortality.

(She still looks in the mirror.)

.

Jeremy and Bonnie are waiting downstairs. There’s a mug of blood on the counter, she can smell it from her room’s doorway. She’s before it in a blink, doesn’t even remember stepping forwards.

“Crap, you’re fast.”

There’s an odd smell on her brother, and Elena ignores it for now, downing the cup. Rich and heady, it’s the best thing she’s ever tasted. Her mind slowly puts together that the smell is Jeremy’s bandaged arm. She takes a step back, worried she’s about to vamp out- she’s seen Caroline near fresh wounds.

Nothing happens.

The hunger is still there, beating in her gums, but it’s a minor annoyance. (She thinks at the beginning of an eternity.) She relaxes for a split-second, and then all the memories come rushing back. Some new, some old, but the one that grips her instantly is-

“Jenna! Oh god, she’s really-”

Elena chokes, and Jer’s eyes are wet. “The funeral’s tomorrow.”

Bonnie presses Isobel’s necklace into her hands, “I’ll see you around.”

“You’re welcome to stay,” she says, wiping at her face.

Bonnie pats her hands, “I’m so sorry the spell didn’t work. I’ll keep looking-”

“What spell?”

Bonnie hesitates, and Jeremy hands her a letter. “John he um, he traded his life so you could stay human.”

Guilt wracks through her core, and Bonnie adds on, “I’m sure the spell did something. I’ll figure it out and we can-”

“No,” Elena interrupts firmly. “I don’t want any more lives lost over this. If there was an easy way to go vampire to human, we’d know about it. Whatever price that mojo has, isn’t worth it.”

“Okay,” Bonnie says. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The moment she’s gone Jeremy says, “You don’t get to decide if you’re worth it or not Elena, if people want to save you.”

It feels like a slap, too many faces coming to mind. Her parents- all of her parents-

Jeremy freezes, about to apologize and Elena can’t take any more of this.

“How am I in the house?”

“What?”

“I haven’t been invited in.”

He rubs his face, “Caroline’s mom is bringing the papers by today.”

“Great. I- I need to go for a walk.”

“Are you-”

Elena’s gone before he can finish the question, pulling the necklace over her head. Walk was the wrong word; she runs, racing through the woods, running until she doesn’t recognize anything. The speed is intoxicating. She doesn’t want to leave her friends or brother, and yet- her feet are ready to dash to the opposite coast.

Her toes tremble in her sneakers, and Elena makes herself turn towards home.

She walks back, feeling each step. She never thought she’d understand Katherine, but here she is, every instinct in her body screaming to escape. Klaus would love to kill her again if he knew she survived, and Elijah failed to keep his word. Jeremy could leave town with her, start over in a place she’s the only supernatural being. She’d miss Bonnie and Caroline of course, feels callous even thinking it, but- they were probably better off, safer, without her. And how often did high school friends really stay friends forever? (That it’s possible now for two of them makes her want to scream.)

Stefan is the only tie remaining, and god, just thinking his name excites every nerve in her body. She wants to rediscover touch with him, wants to know how he feels when he isn’t holding anything back. She wants him so keenly, so vividly- wonders if Katherine felt like this once, when she decided to stick around Mystic Falls while the founders hunted vampires.

.

Elena stops before her house, isn’t quite ready to be invited in yet. Closing her eyes she listens, picking out Jeremy and Caroline and Bonnie’s voices.

“-unnaturally calm around blood.”

“Totally unfair.”

“I think that’s what the spell did, amplified and strengthened her humanity.”

Elena doesn’t agree with Bonnie’s conclusion, though she does like the idea. (Anything that ends with the assumption ‘so her birth father’s death wasn’t pointless’ is good.)

“Gonna stand out here listening all night?”

Elena turns, smiles when she sees Matt. “You may have forgotten,” he continues, “since it’s been so long, but we humans find it creepy.”

She laughs, and knows in this moment that she couldn’t leave. It was one thing to think it all alone in the middle of no where, but here- she can’t.

“Let’s go inside then,” she says, steps feeling normal- not rushed nor heavy- once more.