Title: Stranded
Fandom: Adventure World
Rating: R
Length: 3843 words
Author notes: Also for bingo square "question"
Summary: Rufus and Laris struggle with their feelings for one another.



"Look, Rufus, he's never going to figure it out on his own." Varinia took a swig of her drink, then leaned forward to speak in what she probably thought were lowered tones, but which Rufus was pretty sure half the tavern could hear. "You just need to make a move. Otherwise you'll grow old and die before he notices you're interested in him."

"Well, thanks for that," Rufus replied. "There's nothing more arousing than reminders of my own mortality."

"You should be used to it," Varinia said, pouring the necromancer more wine. "Anyway, you're not really going to get old, it's a figure of speech. Corvis is a good commander, and a bad... noticer of things about feelings," she said, waving a hand vaguely. They had already polished off one bottle of wine between them, and were well into the second. "If you want to bone him - heh heh... bone..."

Rufus rolled his eyes. "Yes, I've heard the joke before, about a thousand times."

"Oh whatever, you're no fun tonight. Anyway, if you want to fuck the tribune, you need to tell him you want to fuck him. You've tried being subtle, and it hasn't worked. Now it's time for a -heh - frontal assault."

"I don't want to scare him off," Rufus said gloomily. "And I don't know if he feels the same. If I try something obvious and I'm wrong, then I've ruined a friendship, a working relationship, and possibly my career, all at once."

"I don't think Corvis would ruin your career over it. He's not vindictive in that way. Honestly, I don't even know if it would affect his ability to keep working with you. He can put things like that aside."

"He can?" Rufus frowned suspiciously. "How do you know?"

Varinia shrugged. "Look, he's hot, if you're into stern and commanding. I'm not blind. I made him an offer once, he looked shocked, stammered out a 'no thank you', we moved on with things. After that I decided the stern thing is mostly for show - he'd be a pushover in bed and I don't have time for partners who don't know how to take what they want. It's for the best." She took another swallow of the wine. "But you like them soft and subby, don't you," she added with a smirk.

"Laris isn't my usual type," Rufus admitted. "But when I'm around him, ugh, I just want to drag him down to the ground and kiss him until he begs for more. Which is extremely inconvenient in strategy briefings, let me tell you."

"Thanks, now I'll always be envisioning that whenever we're discussing battle tactics."

Rufus put his head in his hands. "I just don't know what to do. I like him, Var. I mean I think I really like him. And it took so long just to get to be friends with him, and what if I ruin that because I got greedy?"

"You'll never get what you want if you're not a little bit greedy," she replied. "Or at least, not in this case. Because he's clueless, and probably a virgin..." She watched as Rufus' face changed an interesting shade of red, and tried not to laugh too much at her companion's suffering. "What, you don't think so?"

"I mean... I guess? I don't think he's been with anyone in the two years we've been friends, anyway, or I would have known about it. Maybe there was someone before that, though, back in the Eternal City?"

"Sure, when he was gawkier and even more sheltered, I bet he was picking them up left and right."

"He's high born, old money, he could have paid for it I guess," Rufus pondered. "Or, you know... noblemen can kind of do what they want with slaves..."

"His slave is a weird little old gnome guy, I feel like if they were boning we'd know, and everyone in camp would make fun of him for it."

"I just mean, I don't know if he's a virgin, and... oh gods, what if I was his first, and I could teach him exactly what to do, and he'd look up at me with those silver eyes and ask me to show him..." Rufus took a big drink to cover up his flustered fantasizing, as Varinia laughed at him again.

"You're hopeless, Auspex. Tell him you want to bang him, or you're never going to be able to get through a planning meeting again. Even if he says no, then at least you can know the deal and move on with your life."

"You're probably right," Rufus said with a sigh. "I'll just have to figure out a way to bring it up in a way that's natural... at the right time and place... make it casual, but sexy, but romantic..."

"Just make sure you make it really obvious," Varinia told him. "Maybe a sign, and some helpful diagrams, to be sure he notices."

***

Calkas was helping Laris pack for his upcoming journey to [??], which mostly meant that he was packing for Laris while Laris paced anxiously back and forth across the tent.

"Are you concerned about your report, Dominus?" the gnome asked at last, after Laris had almost tripped over him twice.

"No, not precisely," Laris said. "I'm sure it will be fine. Our performance has been acceptable, and we have clear gains to show for our efforts."

"Then about the trip, perhaps? The weather has been unpleasant lately, I know..."

Laris shook his head. "It's nothing."

Calkas gave his charge a pointed look, directed at his back so he wouldn't notice it, that said very clearly that he knew it wasn't nothing. "Perhaps the issue is more related to your choice of travel companion," he said cautiously.

"Why would I be concerned about traveling with Rufus? He's a good friend, he's highly skilled, and I'm sure he'll be of great assistance."

"Mmhmm," Calkas murmured, folding a heavy wool cloak to fit it into the trunk. "You've become very good friends indeed." Laris didn't warm to people easily, and Rufus was one of the few close companions he had. Calkas had also observed that over the past few months Rufus had developed a fairly obvious infatuation with Laris. He'd watched as the vryloka tried to drop hints about his interest, making some subtle flirtatious overtures, and he'd watched Laris completely fail to notice. It wasn't his place to interfere in his master's personal relationships, but now he wondered if Laris had in fact been picking up on those signs, at least at some level, and now the prospect of several days alone with Rufus was making him anxious for reasons he didn't fully understand. He couldn't be certain that was the case, but he'd known Laris since he was eight and he was fairly confident in his guess.

"Yes," Laris said. "I wish you could come with us, though."

And there it was - a halfhearted plea of don't leave me alone with him, I don't know what to do. "Are you worried about what might happen if I'm not there?" Calkas asked, keeping his tone casual.

"No, I... I'm sure it will be fine," Laris said, plucking up his courage. "We'll have a few undead to carry our things, and we'll travel more quickly without a bigger entourage. I'll be back in no time at all."

Calkas thought about dropping the subject, but he couldn't just let this pass unaddressed. It seemed irresponsible to allow his master to walk into a situation without being properly prepared - it would be like allowing him to go to a meeting without having reviewed his notes, or sending him out in the winter without a suitably warm cloak. "Dominus, Magus Auspex is a fine, respectable young man," he began cautiously. "And I think he cares for you a great deal."

Laris paused in his pacing, glancing over at Calkas with a wary expression. "What does that mean?"

"It means that my impression is that he has more than friendly feelings for you, Dominus." He looked up at Laris, and decided he needed to spell it out still further. "He is interested in you... sexually."

A wave of emotions crossed Laris' face - first stunned, then terrified. "I... he can't be... I don't..."

On the one hand, Calkas worried that he had overstepped his bounds. On the other, it was probably better that Laris get this panic out of his system now, rather than when Rufus tried to kiss him or something. On the third hand, he had to admit it was kind of adorable. "Dominus, if I might be frank, you could do much worse. If you don't have any comparable feelings towards him, then it would be best to tell him so, of course. But consider the possibility before dismissing it."

Laris sat down on a stool, still processing this new information. Calkas went back to packing, giving him a few moments to think. After a little while, Laris looked up and said, "How do you know that he feels... that way?"

Calkas decided it was best to approach this as a teachable moment. "He seeks to spend time with you alone, outside of reasons related to your work responsibilities. He is flirtatious towards you - his body language and words indicate an interest in more than friendship. Sexually-charged jokes, for example, are not always only intended as jokes - it makes it easier for him to pretend it was nothing more, if you take offense or aren't interested, but allows an opening for you to continue the suggestive conversation. And when he gazes at you, there's something in his expression, something longing for more... I admit it might be difficult to notice if you aren't looking for it," he conceded, trying not to make Laris feel bad for having been oblivious. "But for one more, ah, familiar with such behaviour, it is difficult to overlook."

"Oh," said Laris. "And... how would I know if I feel the same way in return?" he asked shyly.

That was a more difficult question to answer. Calkas had often suspected that Laris' own sexual impulses were rather muted, and he had shown little interest in either romance or more casual liaisons, especially for a young man of his background. But how much of that was due to his disastrous introduction to the matter, and how much was simply a part of his innate nature, he couldn't be certain. "Do you feel like you want to be close to him, moreso than with your other friends?"

"Close how?"

"Well... feeling like you want to touch him, or kiss him perhaps?" Calkas suggested. Laris' uncertain expression suggested this might be the wrong route to pursue, so he tried another course of action. "Do you feel happier when he's near you, and sadder, or at least like something is missing, when he's absent?"

"Yes," Laris said. "But isn't that normal for friends?"

"It can be," Calkas told him. "However, if those emotions grow more, ah, extreme, it might be a sign that you harbour more than just friendly feelings towards him." He sighed, not wanting to resort to the old you'll know it when you feel it answer if he could avoid it, but also uncertain how else to explain desire to Laris. "If you find yourself growing excited and nervous when you're about to embark on a journey of several days alone with him, it could indicate that you have feelings for him that you haven't fully understood yet. Take some time to think about what they might be, and hopefully, in time, you'll find greater clarity."

Laris nodded slowly. "I don't know if I feel excited, exactly. Nervous anticipation, yes. But there's no reason to be nervous about spending time with a friend - or there shouldn't be. Right?"

Calkas tried not to say anything that would make the poor boy - well, he wasn't a boy, after all, he was twenty years old, but he still thought of him that way - more apprehensive. "I don't believe that you need to be nervous about being alone with Magus Auspex," he said, after a moment's pause. "I think that he cares for you and respects you, and wouldn't do anything of an... intimate nature... that you didn't agree to. As I said, if you decide you don't think you return his feelings, it's better to let him know that. It might be difficult for him to hear, but in the long run, it's kinder not to draw things out unnecessarily. At worst, it might be... socially uncomfortable. He might feel disappointed or upset, but I don't think he would behave badly towards you because of it."

"Why does this have to be so complicated?" Laris mused, his head in his hands.

It might have been a rhetorical question, but Calkas answered it anyway - he had been a tutor for too long, perhaps. "Because feelings are complicated things, Dominus," he said gently. "They exist inside each of us, and all our tools for trying to express them are imperfect. We can never completely understand our own inner self, let alone another person's - all we can do is try, and often fail, and try again to do better. If you strive to be honest with Magus Auspex, or any companion, even about those feelings that are confusing or difficult to talk about, that's all anyone can reasonably ask of you." He left out that often matters of the heart were anything but reasonable, hoping that he wasn't misleading Laris too much.

"Alright," Laris said, still sounding uncertain. "But I should wait until he raises the subject - if he raises the subject?"

"That's up to you, Dominus," Calkas replied. He briefly contemplating sending a message to Rufus to suggest that this trip would indeed be a good time to raise the matter, if he intended to do so, but ruled that out on the grounds that it would be too obvious that he had meddled. "If he doesn't bring it up, and you are troubled by that, you could ask him about his feelings. I don't think that would be inappropriate, provided you did it at a time when you were alone and could talk at length if necessary." Or whatever else might happen, he thought to himself, putting some additional warm blankets into the chest.

"Yes, very well," Laris said, drawing himself up with renewed strength. "I'm sure the trip will be perfectly fine."

***

"Well, this is a disaster," Rufus said, watching the remains of their supplies disappear into the rushing river. They had sent the team of skeletons across first, carrying the bulk of their equipment, but the waters at the ford had proven deeper and more violent than when they'd crossed going the other direction several days before. The uninterrupted rain over the past day had no doubt contributed to its increased power. The skeletons had been washed away, along with their tents, most of their food and cooking supplies, and a couple of trunks full of clothing and other goods. He felt responsible for the accident - while the remains were those who had been donated to the service of the empire in one way or another, they had still meant something to someone, and he didn't like losing them frivolously. "No way are we crossing that tonight." He drew his cloak more tightly around him, shivering slightly, and glanced over at Laris to see what he had in mind.

"We have our packs, at least," Laris said. "We can make a rough camp for the night and perhaps by tomorrow the waters will have gone down enough that we can make it across."

The briefing with General [???] had gone well - she had been pleased with the progress they had made, and agreed to supply the reinforcements they had requested. And it had been pleasant to sleep in a proper bed again, even if just for a single night before turning around to head back and rejoin their troops. The fort was crowded, and they'd been given a single room to share, with two narrow beds. Rufus had entertained ideas of making his move then - Laris was more relaxed now that his responsibilities were fulfilled, and they had at least a bit of privacy - but in the end he'd chickened out. Yes, the room had a door, but the fort was crawling with soldiers and staff, and how would it look if someone overheard them, or, gods forbid, walked in? And if Laris didn't take it well, then they'd have the whole trip back to be awkward and uncomfortable around each other... In the end he'd fallen asleep, listening to the slow, steady breathing of Laris in his trance, and kicking himself for being a coward.

Now they were soaked, standing near the bank of a river that had just washed away the troops he was responsible for, as well as most of their supplies. And it was going to be nightfall soon. "Well, let's find a place to camp," Rufus said resignedly. "I guess dinner is going to be sparse tonight."

The best spot they were able to locate was a small clearing where, at some point in the past, a tree had fallen and wedged itself between the branches of its neighbours, creating a sort of natural lean-to. The items they carried in their packs were either the barest necessities of survival - they each had some clothing, a knife, flint and steel to make a fire, as well as emergency rations and a waterskin - or irreplaceable, things like maps or correspondence or personal tokens. It made for a simple, if functional, camp. Laris used his heavy wool cloak as a makeshift cover for their shelter, keeping out the worst of the rain, and Rufus laid his on the ground, shivering as he did so. The cold didn't bother shadar-kai as much, and Laris, seeing his discomfort, pulled a toga (brought to dress properly for the general) from his pack and offered it to Rufus, who wrapped it around himself like a blanket. It smelled like him, which was pleasantly distracting from the cold.

Laris managed to get a weak fire going, but everything was so wet that it smoked terribly. It was enough to heat a bit of water for gruel, but it definitely wasn't going to keep them warm all night. They ate the warm mush and gnawed on some dried strips of meat, sitting next to one another in their haphazard shelter, their wet socks hung up to try and dry at least a bit before they had to resume their journey. Laris was quiet, even more than usual, and Rufus worried that he was annoyed at the delay in their travel. "I'm sorry for this," he said eventually. "I should have been more cautious."

Laris glanced over at him, surprised. "It was an accident - at least neither of us was harmed. With luck, we should be able to make it back tomorrow." He fell back into silence, but at least Rufus was pretty sure he wasn't angry at him. Still, he kept staring in Rufus' direction, until the vryloka felt like he was being scrutinized by a bird of prey considering its next meal.

"Is something else bothering you?" he asked.

"No," Laris said, and then, after a moment, "yes." He hesitated, clearly uncertain what to say next.

"Well, spit it out," Rufus said. "You know you can tell me, whatever it is."

"Because we're friends," Laris said, not quite turning it into a question.

"Of course."

"So you would tell me if you... if your feelings about me had changed."

For a brief, puzzled moment he thought that Laris was asking if he was reconsidering their friendship, deciding that perhaps he wasn't worth spending time with anymore. But then Rufus froze, realizing that in fact, this pendulum was swinging in entirely the opposite direction - that Laris was worried that his feelings had become more than friendly, not less. Which they had. And he had thought Laris had no idea.

All his plans of making a romantic move at the perfect moment, telling him just how he felt, flew away in an instant of panic - because if Laris did know how he felt, and hadn't said anything about it until now, surely he couldn't return his feelings. He had just been waiting for a private opportunity to let him down easy. And Rufus was going to have to accept that, and either get over him, or pine miserably, or figure out how to get transferred to another unit...

He realized he hadn't replied when Laris' face fell and he looked away. "I must have been incorrect - I apologize for my error."

"No," Rufus said hastily. "You weren't wrong. My feelings did change, ages ago. I... I like you, as more than just a friend. I've just been too scared to say anything about it."

"Scared of me?" Laris asked warily.

"Not like that," Rufus tried to reassure him, putting a hand on his arm. "I guess I was afraid that if you didn't feel the same, it would make things weird between us."

"I don't want things to be... weird." Laris frowned, but not in an angry way - more in the way he did when he was concentrating on a particularly difficult challenge. "But I don't know if I feel the same."

Rufus' heart sank. It was what he'd been afraid of, but somehow his impulse, rather than to get angry or fall into despair, was to try and comfort Laris. "You don't have to," he told him, even as his stomach was tying itself in knots. "I'll get over it, I won't let it ruin our working relationship, or our friendship..."

Laris shook his head. "I'm saying this all wrong. I meant that I do have feelings for you - I just don't really... understand them, or know if they're the same as yours. I think of you as my closest friend," he admitted. "Or maybe more than that. I've been trying to untangle these threads for days, to see where they lead - whether they can turn into something functional, or just a huge snarl. I'm not... good at these matters," he said, looking at Rufus out of the corner of his eyes. "And I don't know how to figure it out on my own."

"We could try to figure it out together." Rufus slid his hand from resting on Laris' forearm to his shoulder, fingertips just lightly grazing the short black hair at the nape of his neck. Laris shivered, not because of the cold. "If you want to, that is," Rufus murmured, leaning closer until they were only a few inches apart. Laris hesitated briefly before closing the gap to kiss him. It was a bit clumsy, not the perfect romantic kiss Rufus had envisioned, but it was real and that made it better than any dream of what could have been.