Title: grace in these hard times
Fandom: MCU
Pairing: Tony Stark/Pepper Potts
Contents: References to PTSD

Summary: "Hey, Pep. I was thinking maybe we'd fly back to Malibu tonight." He hadn’t been, not until right that moment, but the idea fills him with longing even as it tumbles out of his mouth.

Note: this is the third part in a series that went AU at the end of The Avengers, and probably won't make any sense at all unless you read them first. Takes place shortly after hope is the thing.



"They aren’t solid," Steve had told him, his voice somehow both far away and perfectly clear, like JARVIS’s voice in Tony’s ear in the suit. "I can’t fly. They’re just--"

"They’re beautiful." Like the solution to a problem that’d been dogging him for months, like the moment he first leaned into the repulsors and the concept of flying turned into reality--

Tony’s face was wet, and somehow, it hadn’t even mattered.

***

On the plane back from DC, Tony calls Pepper. Settled into the plush leather seat, he doesn’t mean to; he doesn’t even think about it. His fingers brush across the interface and the call is going through before he realizes what he’s done.

But when her face appears on the screen, he doesn’t regret it. She’s back at their suite at the Tower, her hair spilling gently over one shoulder as she looks up for the camera.

"Hey, Pep. I was thinking maybe we'd fly back to Malibu tonight." He hadn’t been, not until right that moment, but the idea fills him with longing even as it tumbles out of his mouth. "What do you say? Sunshine, cosmos by the pool, maybe some shopping--"

Pepper laughs softly, and doesn’t ask why he’s not at the Tower. The lights of New York spread out behind her like a queen's jeweled crown. "Tony, you hate shopping."

"But you love it, and I love your smile. Just like that one. Makes the whole thing worthwhile."

Pepper’s smiles crinkle the edges of her eyes and tilt all the freckles on her cheeks, and the best ones come with just a little bit of softening around her lips. Like this one. Tony has a catalogue of all the ones he’s seen, and some of the ones that were never aimed at him but JARVIS caught them on tape, and every single one of them is precious and perfect.

Tony hasn’t been drinking, but he does feel a little drugged. In a good way, for the moment, at least.

Pepper doesn’t answer immediately, but she does reach for the planner sitting next to her, which is a good sign that she’s thinking of saying yes.

"Of course, we could always spend the day in bed if you're feeling too guilty to drag me shopping..."

Pepper stops sorting through the planner tabs and looks back up at him, her smile suddenly careful. "Tony, are you actually suggesting we take a vacation?"

"I'm not sure. Is that what a vacation is like for normal people?" Tony shrugs as carelessly as he possibly can in the face of her scrutiny. "Mine have always come with a lot of parties, but I've never counted as normal anyway."

Pepper’s expression shifts, but she nods. "I guess we could find out."

Tony wants to feel relief at her words, but that wasn’t agreement, it was determination. She’s been worried about him, and he’s been hiding things. Something broke in him, between the warhead and the alien armada and coming back to life with the rules all changed. As much as he wants to take the lifelines she’s been throwing him, he has absolutely no idea how to cross back over to her.

"You're the best, Pep. I know I don't say that enough--"

"Tony..." Pepper’s voice is tight, and when he looks back at the screen, her expression is all twisted up. "You don't need to tell me anything right now, but. Will you talk to me this time? I just need to know, it's okay if you can’t yet, but I need to know--"

She’s scared. Probably of that gaping pit he can’t figure out how to cross, and what she’ll have to do if he can’t make his way back to her.

He finds himself looking away, out the window of the plane, where the moonlight on the clouds reminds him of the light of Steve’s wings. He has to swallow back tears again, suddenly, at the surge of an emotion he can’t quite name.

But it comes with the feeling that maybe -- maybe -- this time he could reach back to her.

"Yes." The word comes out a little rough, but he takes a breath and keeps going. "Of course I'll talk to you, you know it's almost impossible to shut me up."

"Right." She’s a little rocky, too, but she dredges up a pretty decent smile anyway. Tony can ignore the shimmer of tears in her eyes as long as she’s ignoring his. "Almost impossible."

"You may know a few tricks," Tony says, just to help prop her up. Her, not him, of course. "Like that one right there, the eyebrow, that's a good one."

Her laugh is quiet, but it’s real, and that’s an accomplishment Tony can be proud of at the moment.

"I love you, Tony."

"I love you too, Pep. See you in an hour."